


Roommate

by Rasha007



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-18 16:27:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 53,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8168461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rasha007/pseuds/Rasha007
Summary: Several bodies are found in the area of a small town. In this town lives Daryl, the killer of all those people. The investigation goes on, the profile is made, and now the police and the FBI look for a specific type, a loner type, ... Daryl's type. He decides to find himself a roommate in an attempt to mislead the police. Let's see how that will turn out for him.AU pre-apocalypse horror story. Obviously very OOC Daryl. Rated M for a good reason, violence, foul language, adult content... it's all there, consider yourself warned.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my very first attempt at writing my own story. I already posted it here once, and then deleted it, so this is a second try.
> 
> My special thanks go to my dear friend scriptor412 who agreed to be my beta for this story although she doesn't like AU stories. 
> 
> "My" OC in this story is based on a character from Dexter, but the name and the appearance are the only similarities. Her backstory isn't the same, at all.
> 
> I don't own Daryl, Merle, or any other TWD characters.
> 
> Enjoy!

The girl tied to the tree before me has been waiting for hours now. Her hands are tied above her head to a branch, her legs loosely to the trunk, just so she couldn't kick. She's kinda hanging there, sobbing quietly at the moment. She's through with the usual yelling _'What do you want? Where am I? What are you doing? Please! Please, don't hurt me! Please, let me go. I won't tell anyone'_ and sobbing, crying, shouting and crying again. But where I took her, where I always take them, no one can hear. The sound just doesn't carry around here, and no one wanders to these parts of the forest. 

When they wake up here, most often there is confusion at the beginning, sometimes, very rarely, there is recognition. But then, the pleading, sobbing, promising of all kind of things, that all comes eventually, every single time. I don't really care for that. I don't need to hear their pleading. The thing I enjoy about this is the calm, surrounding me when I see the life leaving their body, the moment when they realize this is the end. They no longer hold power over anything. No money would help them. Here, they aren't better than anyone. The longer I let them wait for it to sink in, the sweeter that moment of realization is. It's been long enough now, so I put on my gloves again and I come a little closer. Her head snaps to my direction, as she hears me moving for the first time in the hours she spent here with me. When I'm close enough I reach for her, I caress her from her sides to her arms. She flinches and I can feel her trembling under my fingertips but starts her pleading again despite her nerves. 

"P-please, let- let me go. I won't tell!" She's stammering over the words as my hands travel to her neck. 

"Please, t-talk to me, I-I... I'll do w-whatever you want. J-just let me go!-" 

I snort at that. This stuck up bitch has been treating me like dirt, ever since she first showed up at the shop, acting like she would get dirty just from me touching her car. I close both my hands around her neck and whisper. "The only thing I want from you...!" I squeeze, cutting her air supply "... is for you to die." 

I add the pressure. She's trying to talk to me again, but she can't. It takes few minutes but then...Yeah! There it is... Her eyes that were staring at me, pleading with me lose the fight, her body is still jerking but her eyes, they know already. 

And then she's gone. Only the body left. I break her neck for a good measure and take a deep breath, to savor the moment. Maybe I'll try to prolong it somehow the next time, it was over too soon.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

In this world, there are those given opportunities and those given shit load of nothing. What really matters is how people play the cards they were given. Me and my brother… well, we were given really shitty cards, could be worse, I'm sure of that, but as it is, we just always knew that nothing special is waiting for us in our future and I think we are okay with that. I know I am. I'm very okay with who I am, which caused countless sleepless nights for my brother, I'm sure of it, but he's still here, with me.

All these kids around me, though… They are the lucky ones. Snooty little assholes, thinking they are superior to all mankind. They couldn't be more wrong. I look around me, seeing all the people drinking, dancing, laughing... I want to leave instantly. Why did I come again? Oh, that's right! Merle!...

I lived in this town my whole life. I've seen thousands of kids come and go. I've spent countless evenings just like this one, in the quarry kids from local college use for parties for as long as I can remember, waiting for Merle to pick up the drunkest girl he can find, drunk enough to let him fuck her so he could save money that he usually spends on hookers. I don't know why he always insists I go with him every time he goes… well anywhere. Maybe it's because he feels like he can watch me this way like he would change anything. Well, he can't and he won't. Deep down he knows that fact, but whatever helps him sleep at night…

"There you are Darelina!" I feel Merle's hand land on my shoulder. I look behind me and there he is, next to him a girl, swaying on her feet. His other hand around her is probably the only reason she's still _standing_ if you can call it that. Her eyes are unfocused and her hair and face look like Merle spent some time with her already, or someone else did. Oh yeah, looks like we got a winner of this evening.

"You ready to go?" I ask him, I can't get out of here fast enough.

"I don't think she'll make it to my place before going completely comatose on me. I'll fuck her at your place, it's closer."

"Fuck no!" I don't need a second to think about that, no way I'm cleaning after him and some skank he fucked, the way she looks it wouldn't be only fluids from fucking either. Ugh!

"Why not? You got the room!" Why he sounds so surprised is beyond me. The girl doesn't even look like she knows what's going on around her.

"Just bend her over a car or something. Better hurry up too, she looks ready to throw up, or pass out."

"Not cool, baby brother, not cool! Wait for me here then. You little shit," he mutters the last part and starts to drag the girl away. I can still hear him talking to her. "Come on sugartits, I'll show you my brother's nice truck."

 _That fucker_. "Use the bed, not the cabin! I told you I'm not cleaning anything after this bitch!" I quickly shout after him.

I notice people around me are now looking at me after the shouting as if they weren't the ones doing all the fucking noise here.

"What?!" I growl at them and all the eyes are anywhere but on me in a second. I light a smoke, grab a beer and get comfortable while waiting for Merle.

Guess Merle is wasted too because it's taking a while. I already finished my second beer and I'm on yet another smoke. Looking around I notice quite a few people giving me nervous glances. Guess I don't look like I could be a college student anymore. I see a girl then, she's looking at me too but when she realizes she got caught she immediately looks away. I watch her nervously tapping her leg. She doesn't look like a stuck up bitch to me, in fact, she looks kinda out of place. Sitting alone, no low cleavage, no heavy makeup, her blond hair loosely falling around her shoulders, she's not drinking neith-

"Okay, I'm ready to go _now_." _Finally!_ Merle is walking my way, still struggling with his belt. "Gotta love school breaks, it's like Easter holiday here, you just go and look for the right egg! You should try it sometime Darelina!" He's saying on our way back to my truck. I quickly check the bed, just to make sure he didn't leave the girl there, it wouldn't be the first time either. Empty, good!

"Yeah, I don't think so. We wouldn't want any of those eggs to get broken now, would we?"

Merle shoots me a look but says nothing. I didn't even mean it like that, but whatever. I just need more than barely conscious someone to stick my dick into. Where's the fun in that? But I'm not going to explain myself to him. Which leads to an unusual quiet ride home.

I left Merle at his house and now I'm heading back to mine which is actually closer to the quarry. I can't stand the place Merle lives in. Not the house itself but with all the nosy neighbors, I would go mad. Merle likes it, he says that it's because there is always someone to have a beer with or to just hang out but that's not for me. I don't need some assholes talking constantly about their stupid problems. I'd rather drink a beer alone. It's enough I have to listen to the guys at work, Merle being one of them. That's why my house is outside of the city. Right on the edge of the forest, quiet, just perfect. I think to myself while pulling over.

I turn the TV on and leave whatever is on and go heat something to eat. As I look through the fridge I can hear news...

_… and we are back with the latest shocking discovery. A body of a young woman was found today by the riverside of White River less than two miles from Montrose. It's the fifth body found in the area in last six months and the police believes that we are facing a case of a serial killer…_

Just great! Looks like fish aren't hungry.

_...I would like to welcome Mr. Freeman a specialist on a serial killer behavior who is working with the police on this case. Thank you for being here with us tonight Mr. Freeman._

_Thank you for having me._

_Mr. Freeman, what are your thoughts about this case. Do you find the suspicion correct?_

_Yes I do, to my understanding, although the victims aren't all of the same genders, they are all young between twenty and thirty, and they all seem to suffer the same cause of death. There are other similarities in the way the victims were treated before they died, as well. I can't disclose these details at the moment._

_Any thoughts about the killer himself? About who we are facing? Can you give us some advice we could follow to protect ourselves?_

_There's no way to... tell a serial killer simply by his appearance most of them look like everyone else. Ted Bundy, who was convicted of thirty murders, was often described as attractive, charismatic and articulate. In this particular case, I believe we do look for a male, a strong one if you consider the way the victims were murdered. Caucasian in his late twenties or in his thirties. He's most likely from this area. If he'd fell under the organized, nonsocial category we would be talking about an average guy, could be married even. But seeing all the evidence I do believe that we are facing the less common type, the disorganized, antisocial type. It means that our killer most likely keeps to himself, he comes from a family with abusive behavior, lives alone, does not date..._

_So what you are saying is that it's not likely the women victims met him on, say, a blind date?_

_I don't believe they did. Those kind of killers are-_

I switch to another channel as I sit down with my dinner. What the fuck does he know about shit.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Today is my free day, so I slept in and I'm going to Merle's so we can go grab something to eat together. The bistro is full of people, right, fucking Sunday. We sit down and order the usual. As we sit in silence we can hear all of the conversations going around us. _'Did you see the news yesterday? - I won't let my daughter go anywhere alone! - They say he kills women as well as men, I think we need to watch our boys too! - They say it's a serial killer. - If I were the police I would just go check every bachelor living alone, you heard the interview yesterday? - I think they should arrest everyone who seems suspicious and just have them questioned with a lie detector-'_

_Awesome, seems like we have a town full of specialists now. I should have stayed home!_

I ask to have our food packed to go. Merle gives me a questioning look so I explain, "Too many people, let's eat at your house."

He just nods.

As we sit on the steps, eating, I hear Merle talking about something. But somehow I can't concentrate on what he's saying. Looking around I eat my food, grumble here, give a nod there so he thinks I actually pay attention. And it works too until Clyde comes by. I always wonder if Merle is using that much, or if they are just that good friends. But it's his problem so I won't ask. Well with Clyde here it won't be that easy pretending that I am listening to what they are saying so I mutter a, "need to do something at home, bye," and I leave them to it.

In the evening I hear Merle's bike and few moments after there is the usual banging, but he doesn't just walk in, strange. I stand up to open the door, and there stands Merle, with some chick.

"Hey brother! Meet Crystal! Crystal here is a real sweetheart, she'll do whatever you want her to. And when I say whatever, I really mean everything. She can shut her mouth about it after too, don't you sweetcheeks!?" Crystal nods and smiles at him. I give her one over and I'm not impressed. But she's obviously a hooker Merle uses so what could I expect. Some high-class escort? Not likely.

"What the hell Merle?! I don't need you to bring hookers to my house!"

Merle shoots the girl a look. "Wait here sugartits." Then he walks with me inside.

"Not for me, I brought her for you! Don't worry 'bout a thing baby brother. I paid her already and if you worry about your spotless reputation you don't have to, no one knows she's here, no one even knows she's with me tonight." He does seem a little nervous. _What's his problem, now?_

"Look, I can see that it's been awhile because you are starting to... you know how you get. And with the police sniffing around. I thought, you know, I think you really, really need to get laid! I think it might help you to focus on something else..." 

Of course he does. Merle thinks pussy solves everything. Whatever. I look at the girl again, she has seen better days but what they say about a gift horse? She'll do, I can have some fun at least.

"Well no reason for wasting that money, send her inside then."

Merle grins and on his way out he gives Crystal a push in my direction. _The things I do to make my brother happy_ , I think as a smirk starts to break on my face. I watch Crystal making her way to me. She smiles and puts her hand on my arm, tracing in up she leans over and tries to kiss me, "No" I tell her firmly. There is no way that mouth comes anywhere near mine. Her smile falters a little but stays nevertheless as a small "okay" leaves her lips. Okay then, to the business. My hand makes its way to her nape and I grab her by her hair. I lead her, not too gently, by them to my bedroom. Her smile dropped right there, good. In my room, I push her to my bed and with "Get rid of that dress." I go search for something I could use to tie her up with. Here! I turn around and find her waiting for me on my bed, already naked. Very good! Her eyes go to my hand and I see them go wide and she starts to back up to the head of my bed. Ts, ts, ts… that won't do. I grab her ankle and pull her to me.

"I did hear something about you doing everything I want. Now, I want you to lay back, don't move and be quiet."

She does as I say and I tie her wrists with the plastic ties I found, each arm is now stretched to one of the legs of my bed. She keeps giving me nervous glances but otherwise stays quiet. I spread her legs and bend them so she can support herself on her feet, then I lift her hips a bit. Nice! I get off the bed to enjoy the view while taking my belt and jeans off. I watch her for a bit then I lick my palm and wet my dick, giving it a few rough tugs. Now I'm ready. I climb back on the bed, with one hand I support myself on the headboard, the other I use to get my dick into her. I then grab her hips and snap all the way in. I hear a strangled gasp coming from her, I love the sound of it and I want more! So I start to fuck her right away. She struggled for a bit but after a few minutes she seems to get used to my dick and the pace and she stops doing that hot noise. I look around me, _where did I put the other two ties? Right, there they are._ I stop to tie her legs too, now she's spread on the bed with not much room to move and I crawl on top of her again. I push my cock into her, this time my hand goes straight to her neck and squeeze. Yeah! And here's that sweet noise again I revel in it as I continue to fuck her. I look at her then and her eyes are wide, full of fear, tears are rolling down from them, her mouth is open as she's trying to take a breath in or scream. Nothing comes out except the little choking noises though. In a panic, she starts to thrash under me but it has no effect with her limbs secure. Her eyes start to roll up just as I start to feel myself coming. Fuck! I breathe through the orgasm. I let go of her and take a few more deep breaths. Enjoying the moment as much as possible.

Okay, I guess I really did need that! I look down at her again when I realize she's not moving. Damn! But there is no mess so… I check her pulse and yeah, it's still there. I check for breathing and it's okay too. So I cut her ties and just push her off the bed. When I wake up she's gone. I don't worry about her, she knows better than to talk about it.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Merle's waiting for me before the auto repair shop we work in, sitting on his bike. I see the smug smile he's giving me but he looks curious too.

"Well how'd it go? Feel better? Have you freed the beast?"

 _What do I say to that for Christ's sake?_ I resort to "Sorta."

Merle is on his feet instantly and whisper shouts. "Fuck! You killed her didn't you? Goddamnit Darelina, I liked that one!"

I just shrug, but seeing his eyes go wide I add. "I didn't say I did, although it might be a good idea to not bring any more of your favorite hookers to my place! I don't see this one coming again anytime soon at least."

Merle stares at me for a few seconds then asks. "What the fuck did you do? No! Wait, you know what? I don't wanna know. Let's just go inside." _Yeah, let's._

Inside, guys are already drinking coffee and preparing for the work. They gossip like a bunch of old hens, as usual. I can hear them snicker and once they notice us, Garth calls my name with a big fake smile on his face. "Hey Daryl, prepare yourself, they really do start to inspect lonely guys living in the area. Starting up in Crowtown. Heard it from Wayne yesterday. With the house outside the town, it looks like you fit the profile!" He laughs and others join instantly. Not Merle or me though.

_Well shit!_

Later on, we are sitting outside, having lunch, when Merle suddenly turns to me and says.

"You know, it will take them some time before they come here. I'm thinking it's time you get a roommate baby brother. It'll be awhile before they knock on your door if you find someone fast enough it won't even look suspicious."

At first I find that idea idiotic, but after giving it some more thoughts I change my mind. It's brilliant actually. So here I am, putting an ad on the board in the bistro. All kind of people go here so I hope the cheap rent gets me someone soon even if it's a bit far from the town.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It seems the cheap rent doesn't make up for the distance because I had to wait few days but eventually one afternoon my phone rings.

"Yeah?" I answer my phone in a second ring, but there is no answer on the other end, asshole! I'm about to hang up when I hear a hesitant "Hello?" It's a woman's voice, or a girl, hard to guess over the phone. I hear her clear her throat.

"Sorry, I-I'm calling about the room and I somehow, from the way the ad was written, I thought it was a woman who owns the house. You know, there wasn't a name and because of the 'looking for quiet and clean person' part,... which I am, I am very clean and quiet, I can put some meals together too-" She stops suddenly. _Sounds like a nervous talker_. I chuckle as she rambles away. _And a girl, perfect!_ She takes a deep breath and continues. "Anyway, I wanted to ask if it's still free…." She trails off.

"Yeah, it is. Wanna come see it?" I hear her let out a breath as if she was holding it before.

"Yes, I'd like to, I'm in kinda situ- I just need a place as soon as possible so, could I come today? Whenever you are free." _Yeah, I'm in kind of situations myself here._

"Today is fine. I'll text you the directions to this number? You be there at 7."

"Okay, yeah, great! See you tonight, bye."

"Yeah, bye." I hang up.

A few hours later I watch the girl from my kitchen window. Well, what I can see from her, which isn't much. I can see she has a blond hair but her face, I can't see it very well through the windshield. She's here on time but she's still sitting in her car. I see her head turning from left to right as if looking around, then back to the road. What's she doing? I know I don't have a white fence around a neatly mown lawn, but it's not a complete dump either. Finally, she climbs out of her car and heads for the door. She looks familiar but I just can't place her. I go open the door for her but as I do just that I find her heading to her car again. _What the hell?_

"Hey." I call after her and she jumps a little and turns around. When she sees me she freezes on the spot though.

"It's you…, um, I'm sorry, I-I think this is not a good idea." She starts to back up to her car and I follow, slowly.

"What are you talking about? You are here for the room right? You haven't even seen it yet." Her back hits the car and she jumps again. _What's up with her?_ I stop moving too, to leave her some room to breathe. I really need her to stay. She clears her throat, much like she did on the phone.

"Well, I… I saw you…" It's my turn to freeze on the spot. "In the quarry, the other day, you were there with your, um, brother, friend? I guess?" I stare at her and then it clicks in my head. _Oh yeah! Right! That's why she seems familiar. It's the misfit girl from the party, that's where I saw her._

"Brother. What about it? I saw you there too. Come look at the room and I forget all about you staring at me at the party." I give her small smile and she blushes. _How cute_. But then she gets serious again. She looks me in the eye.

"I was just thinking, about the girl your brother… it seemed… I'm sorry, I really should go." She turns as if to grab the handle but I reach it first startling her in the process. She takes a step back so I lean on the door and I show her my hands in a placating gesture.

"Listen, my brother is a manwhore, that is true, but that girl there was wasted, nothing more nothing less. You didn't hear her screaming for help, did you? Wasted people just do stupid things like that. Nothing you have to worry yourself about. And it doesn't even matter because my brother doesn't live here, I do, and I am in need of someone for the room and you are the only one who called so far. So please…"

She looks to the side for a moment, thinking. But eventually, she sighs, looks back at me and gives me a small nod.

"Okay, yeah, I guess I did jump to conclusions a little too quickly. Sorry."

"It's all good, so now we can move on." I give her a small smile and make an 'after you' gesture in a general direction of the house. She still doesn't seem completely convinced though as she drags her legs on her way to the door. _Damn it_. She waits by the threshold, I motion for her to enter but she hesitates again and glances at me. Do I have my _'I kill people'_ shirt on today or what? Strangely enough, though I'm not annoyed by her delaying. For some reason, it just doesn't bother me.

"Tell me what else worries you." I tell her, better to have it sorted here and now. She starts to fidget, her eyes dropping to the floor and she's blushing again. Eventually, I hear her mutter something, but it's too quiet for me to understand.

"What was that?" I ask and she glances up at me and clears her throat, again. _I'm so giving her coughing syrup as a welcome gift._ She hesitates for a moment but then she starts talking again.

"You are a guy...!" _Huh? What that has to do with anything? It's not like she didn't know that before she came._ She seems to see my confusion because she continues.

"What I mean is, when I found out it's a man who owns the house outside the city I thought it's some old widower who wants a company, maybe someone who'd made him a homemade meal sometimes. And then it's you, and … I don't know, makes me nervous…" She trails off. _Okay, I can work with that._ I touch her elbow to get her attention. I plant a smile on my face, again and when she looks at me I start.

"You've got nothing to worry about, there is no need for you to be nervous. You know what? I think I should be the nervous one here. I've never lived with a girl before. Let's make a deal if I do something that'll make you uncomfortable just tell me and I stop, and I'll do the same. Sounds cool?" She seems to contemplate what I told her, good, that's better than her leaving. "Look, like I said, I really do need someone here, and seeing as you are the only one who called I'm open to any suggestions you have. I wouldn't mind the homemade meals neither." I wink at her and she gives me a small smile and after a few more moments a nod.

"Okay, I'm sorry, it's just, with everything that's going on around here, I guess my nerves keep getting the better of me." She looks calmer already.

"Understandable, so what's your name?" I ask her because I just now realize I don't know it.

"It's Lumen. Lumen Pierce. Yours?"

"I'm Daryl. You are good? Good! Come see the house and the room. I think you'll like it."

I give her quick, quiet tour and now we are standing in _hopefully_ her room. I'm leaning on the doorframe and she's taking all in and if her smile is anything to go by, she likes what she sees. It's not that big but it's furnished and it has its own bathroom. My house is L shaped and this room is on the shorter side, the living room and the kitchen, which she'd be both welcome to use, are in the middle and my room is on the opposite side. We'll have easily our privacy. There is also a den, or rather a basement, the door leading to it is in the kitchen, but there is no need for her to see it. My hunting gear is there, some old parts. The shack behind the house would more likely scare her off so I decided not to show it to her now.

"So, if you don't mind me asking, what's that situation of yours that left you in need of a room?" And the smile is gone. _Crap, well done Dixon_. "Sorry, you don't have to-"

"-No it's okay, it's nothing special really, I broke up with my boyfriend. It wasn't a nice break up so I just grabbed my things and left… in fact, everything I manage to grab is in my car outside. I needed to find a place to stay but I can't really afford to spend money on hotel, so-"

"Say no more, you like the room? It's yours, I'll even help you to bring everything inside!" I smile at her and she smiles back, so far so good.

"So, if you don't mind me asking." Her smile gets a bit bigger. "What's your situation that left you in need of a roommate?" _Fuck my life!_ I think quickly about what to say to her when the obvious hit me.

"I need some extra money, and like you said, the company doesn't hurt either. I love the place but it does get lonely here." She's still smiling, and I know I said the right thing.

"Okay then, I'll take it, along with the help with my things. If the offer still stands."

And just like that I have a roommate.


	2. Chapter 2

My eyes flick yet again to the cracked open door. It's been more than four hours since we put her things in her room and since then, nothing. She wasn't kidding about being quiet. If there wasn't the light coming from her side of the house I wouldn't even know someone else is in here with me. I found myself being curious so I leave the TV on and go see what she's doing. I push the door more open and there she is, her back to me, she's sitting on the bed, books, and papers with notes everywhere around her. But she doesn't seem to focus on them, she's looking outside the window. I can hear her sniff very quietly. _Okay, nothing for me to see here_. I try to retrieve back but the door screeches and the noise startle her. She quickly turns around to see me between her door, hand on the handle. Her eyes glassy. _Great, another point for me, way to look like an old creeper_. But to my surprise, she lets out the breath that got stuck in, wipes off her tears and smiles at me.

"Wow, you move like a ghost. Do me a favor and stomp a little or something next time."

I crack a smile too. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. You were just so quiet in here. Thought you fell asleep with the lights on or something."

"Yeah, I wish. I got this test tomorrow, I've been studying like crazy but I still don't get some things. I wanted to go through it one more time but.." She trails off.

"Test, huh. So you still go to school then?" I ask, _why didn't I ask what she's doing before again?_ She's quick to answer.

"Yeah, I do, don't worry though. I do have a job too, I will pay you the rent. No problem there."

"Oh no, I wasn't worried about that." I study her for a moment, she looks very young. And I realize I didn't even ask her how old is she, _crap_. Well no sense in making that interview now.

"You okay?" I ask her in the end.

"Yeah." She nods quickly. "Thanks though, for asking." 

I look around the room, it seems like she hasn't really unpacked yet. "Go to sleep. You won't learn anything from staring at the window, you'll be just tired."

"Yeah, you are probably right. I'll just put these on the desk." She says as she gets up, gathering all the papers. Her eyes find mine. "Good night, Daryl."

_Okay, time for me to leave, gotcha._

"Night." With that, I close the door. I need to sit with her and ask her few things, but it can wait 'till tomorrow.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When I get up next morning I see her car is gone, so are the spare keys from the hook by the door I pointed out to her yesterday. _It's fucking 5:30 am, when the hell did she leave?_ I turn to the kitchen to make a coffee just to see that there is a pot already made. _Huh, guess having a roommate has its ups_ , I'm thinking while fixing myself a cup.

When I get to the auto shop I see Merle is waiting for me again. He's smoking and watching me like a hawk. The interrogation starts before I get out of the truck.

"So? How'd it go?"

"Good." I answer with a shrug. _At least I think it went pretty well._

"Fuck me, I was sure she'd run away the second she'd see your ugly mug." He tries to joke, but I can see he's actually relieved and somewhat worried at the same time. He continues as we walk.

"She's from around here?"

"I guess."

"So how old is she?"

I shrug again. "I don't know, looks young." 

Merle looks at me sideways and tries again. "What does she do?" 

Another shrug from me and Merle stops in his tracks. "Did you ask her anything at all you dumbass?" He smacks me upside the head before I have a chance to duck.

"What the hell? What does it fucking matter where she's from or what she does? She's there, problem solved." He stares at me for a few moments, then shaking his head his eyes drop to the ground and I hear him muttering something but not loud enough for me to get it, I don't care either so I turn around and walk the rest of the way inside, alone. _Asshole._

When I get home after the work Lumen's not there yet. So I grab a beer, turn the TV on and wait. During the day Merle didn't bring it up again, but he didn't have to. I know he's right, he always is. It's annoying but it doesn't change the fact I should have talked to her at least about _some_ things before giving her the room. The last thing I need is a house full of her girlfriends having sleepovers or worse her worried parents looking for their little girl and find her living with me. She did look like she left somewhere in hurry. It pisses me off that I didn't think of that yesterday. Well, I can always kick her out. But I need the cover, so I better make this work.

I'm on my third beer and she's not home yet. I check the clock, almost 8 pm. It _is_ Friday night, she's probably out with her friends or something. Just as I think that I hear her car outside. It stops and a few moments later the door opens and in she goes, arms full of bags. She looks tired but gives me a small smile anyway. With a quiet "hi" she continues to the kitchen as I nod a greeting. I hear her moving around, most likely putting away what she brought.

"Come sit with me for a bit when you're done!" I call after her.

"Okay!" She calls back. I look at the almost empty bottle in my hand.

"Grab a beer for me from the fridge, will you? You can have one too if you want, I don't mind."

"Sure." I hear her reply. _Yeah, having a roommate definitely has its ups_ , I grin to myself.

I look up at her when she approaches the couch a few minutes later and see she has my beer in one hand and a soda in the other.

"I don't really drink." She explains giving me the beer. _Well, let's hope it's by a choice and not because the law forbids her to do so._ Choosing the other side of the couch, she sits on one leg facing me, waiting. _Right. Where do I start?_

"How was the test today? You did okay?" She looks surprised by this question.

"Yeah, I think I did. I won't know for sure 'til next week, though." There is an awkward pause after that. I'm thinking about what to say next and she's watching me curiously. It's not like I'm making small talk every day, or any talk ever for that matter. _Well, here goes nothing._

"So… I take it you go to the Winston College here?" She nods with a small smile and glint in her eyes.

"What subject?" I ask, playing with the bottle in my hand.

"Nursing program." She answers and her smile grows.

"A nurse, huh? Started this year?" 

She cracks then. "Is this supposed to be the interview you forgot to do yesterday _before_ you gave me the keys to your house?" She burst in waves of giggles after that.

 _What the hell?_ I shoot her a look. There goes my good mood, now I'm pissed off again. She must see it because she lifts her hand in a _wait a second_ gesture and tries to calm herself down.

"Sor- sorry." She takes several deep breaths and tries again. "Sorry, I meant no offense, but it was funny, you have to admit that!"

"No, I don't!" _I don't have to do anything you stupid bitch._ I glare at her and she shuts right up. Her eyes go briefly to the empty bottles on the table before me, then back to me.

"I really didn't mean to offend you. You are right, we should get to know each other at least a little if we are going to live together."

"Answer the fucking question then." I all but growl at her and she starts to fidget in her seat nervously and after clearing her throat she asks.

"Wha-what was it again? The question, what was it you wanted to know?" _I hate when I have to repeat myself._ I take a deep breath and slowly as if talking to an idiot, ask again.

"I asked, when did you start your program? Was it this year?" Her lips make a thin angry line hearing my tone but she answers regardless.

"Yes, I did start this year." 

_Shit!_ "So how old are you? Is it at least eighteen?" I snap at her. _That's just great. That won't be suspicious at all, a guy in his late thirties living in the middle of nowhere with an underage girl. What if she's some fucking runaway. Maybe I should just kill her and look for a new roommate. Could be she hasn't told anyone where she stays yet._ My eyes slide to her and I can see hers starting to fill with tears as she's looking back at me, she takes a deep breath then and starts.

"No, I'm twenty-three actually. You know what else I am? I'm fucking out of here." She says it quietly but the tone is so hard she could be as well shouting. She stands up and goes on. "I didn't leave one bipolar asshole only to live with another one." And with that, she hurries to her room muttering over her shoulder. "I'll just pack my stuff and be out of your hair."

 _What? What just happened? Did she just call me a bipolar asshole? She's one to fucking talk!_ I stand up too and march after her. When I get there I see her furiously stashing her papers in her bag. She turns and yelps when she sees me in the doorway. Gripping the bag in her hands tightly she shouts. "What!?" I open my mouth to shout back but I shut it up when a single tear roll down her cheek, her lower lip starts to quiver and I can see she's positively scared now.

 _What do I do now? What if she did indeed tell someone she's staying here with me. Fuck!_ I take a deep breath and let it out while leaning against the doorframe, my hand goes through my hair in frustration. _This is exactly why I live alone! So I don't have to deal with anyone in my house on daily bases! She's here for barely a day and it's a fucking disaster already. I don't even know why I got so pissed before anymore._ I look back at her, she didn't budge from her spot and is watching my every move. I look away again. _I have to make this right, somehow. But what can I say to make it right?_ After few moments I look back at her and just try the only thing that comes to me.

"Well, I guess this is where you tell me that I'm doing something that makes you uncomfortable and I stop, right?" 

Her eyes go wide. _Shit! Not the right thing to say then._ I'm trying to come up with something else when I see her blink several times. Her expression transforms to one of disbelief. She opens her mouth, then closes it again, and continue to do so, just like a fish but in the end, she whispers.

"Are you for real right now?"

 _Well, at least she doesn't look so scared anymore. That has to be a good sign. Right?!_ I take a step into the room and see her stiffen. _Or not._ I stop where I am and close my eyes. _I should get some kind of award for this shit. I need this, I need this, I need this…_ I repeat in my head like a mantra.

"What I meant is... look, I told you yesterday that I've never lived with a girl. But it's not just that. I'm not used to dealing with women. I work in a garage, all guys. I grew up with only my father and my brother, I don't date much, as a matter of fact, I've never even had a steady girlfriend… What I'm trying to say here is that I'm not used to watching what I say or how I say it. And I'm not used to making small talks either. But I really want you to stay here."

I blurt all that and now I chance to open my eyes. She doesn't seem tense anymore, good. The bag is hanging loosely from her right hand and she looks at me like I grew a second head.

"I honestly don't know what to say to that." She says eventually.

"You don't have to say anything really. You just stay here and I'll leave, to... cool off, clear my head, sober up, whatever. And we'll talk tomorrow. Are you free on Saturdays?"

She still stares at me but slowly nods.

"Cool, we'll talk in the morning then, yeah?"

Another nod. _Yes!_ I thank the God I don't believe in.

"Okay then, see you later." With that I turn around, go grab my keys and leave.

_I need to see something to die._

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I don't know how long I've been driving around, but it must have been awhile, it seems to be late. I park by the curb and look around. I can't see any people on the streets anymore. _Damn!_ I wait for a bit, but nothing. I am about to start the truck again and go back home when I see someone stumbling out of the bar across the street. Two guys and a girl. It's dark enough on this side for me to watch them without being noticed. By the door of the bar, though, there are two lights so I can see them just fine. One of the guys puts his arm around the girl's shoulder while the other lights a cigarette. They are laughing and as they turn in my direction I recognize them. It's two of the frat boys from the party last week at the quarry. _Assholes, thinking they're better than everyone else, like their shit doesn't stink. Well it does, I'll have a proof of that fact soon enough._

For now, I just watch them. They are walking like they own the street or something. They turn left where I know is a parking lot. No windows around it as far as I know. I decide to wait a little more and not too long after they disappear around the corner I can hear a car starting and a few moments later I see a Corvette leaving, it has a roof folded and only two people are in it. _Excellent!_ I watch the car speed up and when it's out of the sight I start the truck and drive the little distance to the parking lot. As I draw nearer I can see the other guy standing by a car, finishing his smoke. _Dumbass doesn't even look up when I stop the truck near him. He's just making this too easy for me._

I put my gloves on, get out and check once again if anyone is around. Not a soul. I walk around the bed of my truck, stop to open the back of it and take the bar I keep there among other things. I leave the back door open and continue in his direction. Hearing the noise, finally, he does look up. When he sees who it is, he gives me an uninterested glance and puts down the cigarette. He turns to his car while searching his pockets for the keys. _No time like the present, right?_ I quickly move behind him and whack him on the back of the head. He goes down instantly, but I'm expecting it so I'm fast to catch a hold of him around his torso. I drag him to my truck, put him to the back and roll the bed cover above him before I gag him and tie his arms and legs.

When I'm done I take a deep breath. I can breathe more easily already.

I drive into the woods as far as I can with the truck. I leave it at my usual spot and continue on foot, carrying the guy on my shoulders like a buck.

When I reach my spot I think about the last girl that I had here. _I shouldn't have thrown her into the river, she'll come up too. Merle tells me all the time to be more careful. I'll have to find a pit or something._ I tie him to the tree like I usually do, take the gag out and go back to the truck to grab a beer from the icebox I keep in there. When I come back I see the guy is still out, _I hope I didn't hit him too hard, I'm not in the mood to wait all night and killing someone unconscious is no fun._

I open the beer take a mouthful and slap him on the cheek couple of times, _come on, wake up._ It takes few more minutes but in the end, he stirs and his eyes finally crack open. I move back a bit back, to lean against another tree and watch him. He blinks, trying to focus, it seems I did hit him a bit too hard because he seems to not see properly, it can be that it's quite dark too. Painful groan pulls me out of my thoughts. He's turning his head slowly, first to the left then to the right until it goes in my direction and his eyes find me. _Guess he can see after all._ I think as he's staring at me, confused.

"What the fuck?" He's trying to grasp the situation. Tugging on his hands he realizes he can't move them and looks up, seeing them tied to the tree he uselessly tugs again. He tries his legs then, the same outcome there. His wide eyes snap back to me, the fast movement is followed by another pained groan.

"Where the hell am I? What's going on? Hey, I know you! You've been at the party last week, right? Don't just stand there like that, cut me loose!..." _And here we go again._ He's trying to sound tough, but he's failing miserably. I just tune out and let him stew a little. When I bring my hand up to take another swing of my beer he notices my gloves and it seems to change his mood entirely. Like as if only now he realizes how screwed he is.

"Look man, whatever I did that pissed you off, I apologize okay? We can work something out!"

 _Not so smug now, huh? Asshole!_ I finish my beer, leave the bottle by the tree I've been leaning against and then I go to him. I have the talk with Lumen tomorrow so I have to cut our time together short. He starts to panic and is furiously tugging on his restraints.

"Wait, NO!, WAI-" 

I grasp his neck with one hand and pin him to the tree. He tries to get out of my hold by moving as much as he can to the left, then to the right so I punch him in the stomach, just under his ribs where the solar plexus is, with my free hand. He stills and tries to take a deep breath reflexively, but he just chokes. I punch him again and grip his neck with both my hands and squeeze. His eyes staring at me start to bulge out. I watch closely as I keep the hold. I wait for it, and wait some more until I can see it, something in his eyes just died. _There! Now he gets it, that he's not going to get out of this, that he's going to die here._ I add more pressure, his body thrashes around and suddenly he goes limp under my hands. One quick move and I hear a crack signaling I successfully broke his neck.

It's like a weight was lifted from my shoulders and I take a deep breath, and again, and again. I wish I could store this moment and just go back to it whenever I want.

When I feel the buzz leaving my body I look around. It's too dark to search for the pit now. So I cut the ties and hide the body under a bush nearby. I'll just come here sometime tomorrow. It's not like people ever go here.

When I turn to the driveway leading to my house it's late night or rather an early morning. As I come nearer I can see Lumen's car, meaning she's still here and I can feel myself let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

I don't even look around on the way to my room and I pass out before my head hits the pillow.

_The night did turn okay after all._

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When I wake up I can see through the window that the sun is high in the sky. _Guess I slept in_. I'm trying to get my brain to work when I hear a noise from the kitchen. _What th- oh, right, Lumen. Okay, let's have this out of the way._ I get up to go to look for her, _maybe she made a coffee, I need a coffee first before this talk. Or I just need some more time to think about what I'm actually going to say. I have no idea._ I leave my room but immediately stop in my track and double take. _What the hell? This is not my house! Nothing is in its place!_ I look around the space from the part that is my living room to the right where is the kitchen. There stands Lumen a coffee pot in one hand a cup in the other.

I narrow my eyes at her while she's looking back at me, she seems nervous but determined. I watch her fill the cup, get another one from the cabinet and she fills it too. Clearing her throat, she asks, "How do you take your coffee?" 

I ignore the question and ask my own. "You've been cleaning here?"

"Well, yeah, it helps me think."

"You touched my stuff?" 

She shakes her head quickly. "No, I just got rid of the mess, I didn't move any of your stuff, it's just arranged." 

I take one more look around. I'll check later. "Black, sugar." 

She blinks. "Excuse me?" She asks slowly. 

I motion to the cup still in her hand. "The coffee, I take it black with sugar." She looks down at it like she forgot she was holding it. But then she starts moving, adding sugar to my coffee and milk to hers. She sits on one of the stools by the counter and looks expectantly at me. So I leave my spot before my door and go sit with her. I sip on my coffee, but before I even start to form something in my head she's talking.

"Last night, I was thinking and… You don't really want a roommate, right?" 

I want to deny it but she beats me to it.

"You don't really need the money either, do you? You wouldn't make the rent so cheap if you did." 

I open my mouth to talk again but she holds one hand up to stop me and continues.

"I don't care what your reason for this is. I was thinking about it yesterday, a lot and I decided it's not really important." She looks down at her hands which have been playing absently with her cup, she then looks up.

"Look, the thing is, I don't really have a family to turn for a help or friends for that matter. I managed to finish high school and since then I was working my ass off trying to save the money so I could go to this nursing program. But the only reason I was able to start and make it through this year was because I didn't have to pay the rent where I was staying. So I really do need this room. I seriously doubt I will be able to find something this cheap and even with the job at the clinic, I'm sure I will be forced to drop out again." She takes a deep breath.

"So what I suggest is, that you just tell me the rules of the house and I'll follow them. You want to know something about me, ask away."

I just stare at her. I can't remember the last time I was stunned into the silence. Have I been ever? I go through everything she said again in my head as I pick up the forgotten coffee. I take small sip, shifting my eyes, I'm looking at nothing particular. 

_Do I have some questions for her? She pretty much answered everything I was interested in knowing. She's twenty-three, no family or friends I'd have to worry about. And a bonus, she doesn't care I don't really care for having the company. So no forced conversations in the future._ I feel a smirk forming on my face. _This is fantastic!_ I look back at her, she's watching me, eyes wide, biting her lower lip, still playing with her mug nervously. _She might be the best roommate I could ask for._

"You are a clever little bee." I tell her, still smiling. "I'm really not much of a people person, so you do your things, I'll do mine and we'll get along just fine." Then I remember. "Oh, but I was serious about the home made meals. I wouldn't mind if you'd share once in a while."

"That's it? No other rules?" She asks carefully as if she didn't believe it.

"No. Wait, yes, only one though. Don't touch my hunting gear. Ever." 

She gives me a quick nod. "Okay, sure, I wouldn't touch it even if you didn't tell me not to. I didn't even see it." She looks around searching for it. 

I point to the door in the corner of the kitchen. "It's in the basement, now that I think about it, don't go down there. There are car parts and stuff everywhere, you'd break your neck tripping over something." 

She looks from the door back to me and nods again. "What do you hunt with?" She asks, then adds quickly. "If you don't mind me asking."

_No I don't mind, suddenly it's not hard to talk at all. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders._

"A crossbow." 

Her eyes go wide again but now in surprise. "A crossbow? That sounds cool. I mean, everyone can shoot at things with a gun. A crossbow feels somehow more personal, more skilled. I don't know… sorry, I don't even know what I'm talking about. I don't hunt. Never been to…" She trails off.

_Yeah, but you get it right._

"So." She stands from her spot. "For the homemade meal, I'm going to put something together now, for a lunch, you want some too?" 

My smirk turns into a full smile. "Sure. Thanks." With that, I stand up too and go to take a shower. _This talk went a lot easier than I thought it would._

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I'm looking down into the pit. After the comfortably quiet and very good lunch, the girl can cook, I went for a pit hunt and finally, I found one I like, after few hours of searching. It looks it'll do. It's not that far from my spot and still in the parts of the woods where people just don't go because it's easy for them to get lost here. The signal here sucks and because the sound doesn't carry here, no one would hear them call for help. I grew up in these woods. I did get lost here only once when I was still a kid. But since then, never. I try to drop a rock into the pit to see how deep it is. Not as much as I would like it to be but it's still okay. Maybe I could buy a lime…

I go to collect the frat boy's body and throw it in. I hear the tell tale sound of it hitting the bottom. _Okay, this went well._ I go back to my truck and go to Merle's. I found some missed calls from him from last night. _Guess he was worried, he always worries. Trying to tell me what to do, giving me pieces of advice. I don't know why though. I've been doing this for years now and it's not like he actually knows how I do it or when…_ my thoughts go to today's morning. _Well that advice seems to turn out okay._

I spend the rest of the day with Merle. We have a few beers, I tell him what I found out about Lumen and not to worry. He looks satisfied with what I've told him about her and the rest of the time we don't touch the subject.

Now I'm almost at the house. I see the faint light from the living room/kitchen. Looks like Lumen is still up. When I walk inside she looks up from the couch and when she sees me, she reaches for the control and starts to get up.

"I'll go to my room."

But I shake my head, I'm in an excellent mood. "No, stay if you want. I'll just grab something to eat."

She smiles and sits back down.

As I'm going through the fridge I can hear the TV late news. 

_… the police continue to search for the serial killer supposedly responsible for a murder of 5 young people that were found in this area. According to psychological profile, that has been made on the basis of the collected evidence, the killer is a man, in his late twenties or in his thirties. He most likely lives alone and generally doesn't seek the company of other people, including dating and another form of encounters with women. The police opened…._

I look up and see Lumen switching the channels. She looks at me and when she sees me watching her she asks.

"Sorry, did you want to listen to the news? I can change it back."

The smirk that formed on my face moments ago turns into a real smile.

"No, you put on whatever you want."

_Life is good._


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, I get up early to go hunting with Merle. I swear it's the only time he shuts up for more than five minutes. I prefer to hunt by myself, but we are not doing this just for the fun of it. Usually, we sell the meat and split the money. Sometimes we are lucky and take down a big one or we take down more of the small game and then I'm glad he's there so it's not only up to me to clean it and to carry it to the truck. Today I wanna keep some of what we'll kill. The lunch Lumen made yesterday was so good I seriously consider to offer her the room for free if she'd cook for me regularly. I haven't eaten homemade meal in … well, I don't even remember when was the last time I had a homemade meal. Sure I can cook meat over a fire or boil potatoes, but that's about it. It's not the same. I decided to keep some meat in the freezer I got in the back and tell her she can use it and see how will everything go.

I'm on my second cup of coffee when I hear Merle's bike. I go to the window, it's still dark outside and I see the lonely headlight as he approaches the house. But he's not stopping where he usually does, he parks it right in front of Lumen's window. Has he forgotten there is only one possible room to be rented or is he trying to be a jackass on purpose? _Ugh, why I'm even thinking about this? It's Merle, he's a jackass naturally, he doesn't need to try._ My eyes flick to her door before going back to the window behind Merle's dark outline. Her lights stay off, so she's either sleeping like the dead or she just doesn't bother to look. Either way is fine with me.

I move to open the door before the banging begins. To this day I still can't believe that someone this fucking noisy is capable of being so quiet while hunting. Every time we enter the woods I wait for a shout, a branch snap… but nothing comes. He's a walking, talking mystery in some ways, my brother. I don't have the door fully open yet when I hear him shouting.

"Is that a coffee I smell? I'll have some before we head out." 

_Okay, trying to avoid the upcoming noise by opening the door was pointless._

"What the fuck, Merle! Are you even capable of being quiet? Oh wait, I _know_ you are! So keep it the fuck down." He gives me weird look, so I motion to the closed door leading to Lumen's room and I see understanding settle in Merle's eyes.

"Oh, right, we don't want to disturb the missus," he says with a chuckle as he walks around me straight for the coffee on the counter.

"Shuddup! You are making noise enough to wake a dead person." He doesn't say anything to that but only because he starts to laugh.

"What the hell are you laughing about, you dick?"

"You, being all considerate." He stands with his back to me as he's looking for a mug but I can see the shit eating grin as if he was right in front of me. He turns his head in my direction and, yes, it's there.

"Hey, she doesn't seem too bothered. Does it mean she's too tired after you fucked her good to make up for being a dick?" _What?_ And he's laughing again too. "I bet she can't even get up from the bed or walk if she does! Oh yeah, Dixon charm is what I see here!"

"I didn't fuck her. I actually want her to stay here." He doesn't get it and I had enough of his bullshit. I lower my voice, just in case. "Or did you want me to get a roommate for fun? To focus on something else maybe?" He stops laughing then. Guess he did see his little whore friend at some point after her visit here. He's now drinking his coffee and eyeing me with somewhat weird expression. It's always like this. For the most of the time he seems to block out who I am, or rather what I do, and then something reminds him and he just doesn't seem to know how to handle it. And I won't help him, I can't help him with it.

"What the fuck did you say that for? Are you on your period or something? I was just kidding, fuck! How am I to know you pass an opportunity like this." He seems genuinely surprised.

"Fuck you! You were the one who came up with the idea in the first place, you asshole! She's here for one reason only, so stop this shit," I hiss at him as I turn to grab my gear. I walk out then, not wanting to listen to him anymore.

I put my things on the bed of my truck and go to turn on the cool-bot so the room is chilled and ready for the meat once we get back. As I'm standing in the small room I feel calmer already. There is something relaxing about this place. It was actually Merle who helped me to rebuild this shack attached to the house from the back. There are two rooms now. The first one has two chest freezers in it, one I use for me, one for the meat we sell if needed. The second room is basically walk-in cooler where I hang the game that needs to age some. I switch off the light and head back. Today I hope for a couple of deer. The butcher that buys from us asked for one. The other one I want for myself... and Lumen, I guess, if she agrees to cook some more for me. Rounding the corner to the front of the house I see Merle standing by the truck, smoking and the house is dark. It looks like she didn't wake up after all.

"All ready?" Merle's eyeing me as I approach the truck.

I grumble a "yeah" and we are on our way moments after that. Merle doesn't mention Lumen for the rest of the day.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was still light when we return back. We spent all day in the woods but it paid off, we did manage to track and kill the two deer I wanted. I took down also three hares. Two I'll offer to the butcher, one we'll have hopefully for dinner. Once we are done with hanging the deer in the cooler I leave Merle to finish skinning the last hare and go for Lumen. Her car is here, so she must be here somewhere too.

"Hey Lumen!" I call for her as I enter the house. I don't see her anywhere in our shared space so she's probably in her room. I go closer to it and raise a hand to knock but then I realize it's still bloody, so I let it fall again.

"Lumen, are you there?" 

The doors cracks open and there she is.

"Yeah? What do you need?" She peeks out just a little at first but when she sees me her eyes go wide and she hurries to me.

"Oh my God, are you okay? What happened?" She sounds panicked as her eyes keep jumping all over my body. She makes a move as to touch me and then quickly pulls away. "Should I call the hospital? I can take a look before they come. You should sit down..." 

_What the hell is she talking about?_ I look down confused but then... _Of course! She doesn't know we were hunting and I got blood all over me._ I wave my hand a little to get her attention.

"I'm fine! It's not my blood." 

Her eyes go even wider. 

_Oh fuck_. "It's _deer_ blood! I was hunting today!" I wait for her to wrap her mind around it and I don't have to wait too long. She takes a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Oh God, don't do things like that to me. You could leave a note or something. Don't you take some spare clothes with you? It can't be comfortable to walk around like this..." _Right, I forgot, she's a nervous talker._

"Hey." I try to interrupt but she's not stopping so I raise my voice a bit. "HEY!" Her eyes shoot to mine. "Calm down, nothing happened." I watch her getting herself under control when a thought comes to me. "How the fuck are you going to be a nurse when you get all worked up over a bloody person?" She shuts her mouth tightly for a moment.

"I am not getting all worked up over a bloody person! Excuse me for not expecting my new roommate to show up at my door covered in blood." _Okay, time to change the subject!_

"I didn't come to argue, okay? I just wanted to show you something." I turn to walk out and motion for her to follow. "Come on." But when I turn to check I see she hasn't budged from her spot so I stop too.

"What did you want to show me?" she asks, she doesn't seem nervous though just confused so I motion for her again to walk with me.

"You'll see, come on." And she moves then. As we walk around the house she keeps giving me strange glances so I decide to explain now. "We hunt often enough, so since you said you wouldn't mind cooking for me too now and then, I thought I would keep some meat for us. For you to use I mean, I can't cook for shit." We are almost there by then, I nod towards the shack. "This is where I keep the meat. I'll show you around so you'll know what you can take."

"Okay, cool!" The smile on her face freezes suddenly. "Wait, what do you mean we?" 

But before I get the chance to say anything Merle comes out shouting.

"What the hell is taking you so lon- Oh, hello there! My my, if I knew you were this pretty I would have come to introduce myself sooner. Name's Merle and you are…?" He has a grin from ear to ear as he walks to her but Lumen takes a small step to the side putting me more or less between her and Merle. He, of course, notices the move and stops in his tracks, looking as surprised as I feel. But he recovers quickly and starts walking again.

"Oh, come on sweetcheeks! You wouldn't be scared of old Merle? I am the nice brother. Actually, it was my doing you got this nice place to live in, you know? So, how about you stop hiding there, maybe you could come here and thank me nicely instead. We could have some fun." He turns his eyes to me with a smirk. "Daryl wouldn't mind, right brother?" 

I glance behind me and obviously that wasn't the right thing to say, at all, because she's starting to back up from me immediately, looking something between angry and spooked.

"Oh yeah? I don't think so, no! I think our understanding of the meaning of having fun is quite, no, is very different! I also think I'll go to my room now." Her eyes jump from me to him then to the blood on the ground then to the shack behind us as she speaks. _Fucking Merle and his fucking big mouth!_

He's absolutely oblivious to her distress as he continues with that big grin back in place. "Well doll, you won't know till you try. Ever heard of Dixon charm? No? Let me tell you all about it, or I give you one better! Let me go with you to that room of yours and I'll show you instead."

"No!" She turns and marches back to the house, at least I hope it's to the house and not far, far away from us to never come back.

"Shut the fuck up, Merle! She saw all of your charms the other night at the quarry. You stay here!" I see her rounding the corner and hurry to catch up. "Hey, Lumen?" She turns her head and quickly looks behind me when she sees no one she stops and crosses her arms. "He doesn't mean anything by it! He just talks shit! Come on, I'll show you inside." 

But she shakes her head. "If you think I'll go anywhere near that bloody shack with him there, then think again!" She wants to turn again but I grab her arm to stop her. She jerks it away from me and I let go quickly.

"Don't be ridiculous! What do you think will happen there?" 

She looks down with a frown. "I don't know, but he makes me uncomfortable so I don't wanna go and find out I won't like it." She answers while still studying the dirt under her feet. She looks up when a shadow covers her view as Merle silently stands beside me. 

_For Christ's sake! Is it physically impossible for him to do as I say at least once!?_ I feel like facepalming myself.

They stare at each other for a few moments, he's staring at her face and she at his chest and I'm trying to think of something to smooth things out, but I'm coming up empty handed. Merle's a dick, always has been, always will be so I can't promise her shit. When all of sudden Merle sticks his hand out to her saying.

"Hey, sweetheart! I'm Merle, Daryl's asshole brother. And you are…?" I can't believe my ears. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he's apologizing. I shift my stare to Lumen whose stare is on Merle's outstretched hand now. She's fidgeting for a bit but eventually to my utter surprise she puts her hand in Merle's and shakes it. Then she looks up to his eyes.

"I'm Lumen." 

And Merle smiles, actually smiles at her. "And what a beautiful name it is. Beautiful name for a beautiful woman, right?" I shoot him warning glare and he changes the topic. "Okay then, it's hot as fuck. I'm tired and I feel like I've been swimming in blood all day. So, why don't you two go to see the damn shack and I'll take a quick shower." He doesn't wait for a reply and heads back to the house. That was weird. 

I look back at Lumen. "You good?" 

"Yeah, yeah I am." 

"Can I show you now?" 

She swiftly looks after Merle who's just disappeared around the corner. She lets a breath out slowly while shaking her head. "Okay, lead the way." 

So I do. I show her the inside, the freezers and which one is for us. I show her the cooler too, but when she sees the deer inside she tells me quickly that she's letting that part to me. When the short tour is over we grab the hare she agreed she would roast for dinner.

It didn't go as smoothly as I hoped, but it could have gone worse too, so I just hope Merle won't ruin the truce in the next two minutes.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The week went by so fast I hardly noticed. I didn't see Lumen that much either. She leaves every morning before I even wake up and even though she's home in the evenings she usually just makes something to eat and spends the rest of the night in her room. I can't really explain it, but something changed after our Saturday talk. Maybe it was the easy acceptance of the nonexisting explanation for my need of a roommate from her. Maybe it was the fact that I found out she is indeed quiet and keeps the house somewhat clean. Maybe it's the fact she always leaves something tasty for me to eat. I really don't know, but I found myself not minding her being in my house, in my space. I decided to tell her that much tonight. That there is no need for her to be hiding in her room every night, that she really is welcome to use the living room-kitchen area. Not just to cook for us, but to really make use of it. To watch TV or whatever. 

When I get back from work, she's already standing in the kitchen by the stove. The food smells delicious and she's making herself a plate. I go to the fridge to take a beer and notice a glass of wine standing on the corner. She gives me a smile as a greeting but it looks somewhat strained. Then she grabs her plate, the wine and she turns to head to her room, again. 

"You know, you don't have to eat in your room every day. There is a table in the kitchen." 

She stops in her tracks and turns to me, plate and the glass still in her hands. She glances at the table next to her. "Do you mind that I eat there?" 

"No, not really, I'm just saying, that you don't have to." 

"Okay." She says while putting everything on the table. "I just assumed, that the 'you do your things, I'll do my things' meant that you want as much privacy as possible. I didn't want to intrude…" 

"You are not." I cut off the rambling before it even starts. I'm still leaning against the counter, drinking my beer, her eyes move from me to the stove and back. 

"Did you want me to make your plate?" 

"Sure" I agree with a nod and go to sit down at the table. 

She puts the plate before me with a quite "enjoy," and sits across from me. I eye the wine when I remember something.

"I thought you didn't drink?" 

She doesn't look up from her food. "I usually don't." It's her only answer, _okay then_ , I start to shovel the food down. It is as tasty as it smelled. 

"It's good. Everything you cooked so far was great." 

"Thanks." She gives another forced smile and continues to eat quietly. She doesn't even glance in my direction. _Well this wasn't what I had in mind, where is that easy going comfortable mood I expected?_

I take a swig of the beer. "You know, you don't _have_ to sit here with me either. You look like I tied you to that chair against your will or something." 

She looks at me then. "Sorry. I'm just in a shitty mood today." 

_Should I ask her why? Do I want to know why?_ But then my phone saves me from making that decision. It's Merle, who wants me to go with him to another party at the quarry. Here we go, another 'let's keep Daryl occupied and watched over' mission. Whatever helps him sleep soundly at nights, so as always I agree to pick him up. 

_-"Hey, what about the girl, she's home?"_ I glance in Lumen's direction. 

"Yeah, she's here." 

That makes her look up again. 

_-"Take her with you, we'll have something pretty to look at if nothing interesting happens."_ Meaning _'if I won't find a girl drunk enough to let me fuck her I can always try to pursue her.'_

"No, I told you to stop that shit." 

_-"Oh, come on, I won't try nothing with your special girl. Share the beauty a little."_ Would she even wanna go with us? Despise her saying Merle makes her uncomfortable, she did ask him if he's staying for a dinner last week after the fragile truce that been made. He, of course, wouldn't refuse a homemade meal, and complimented her through the whole dinner, she however still seemed unsure of him. On that note, maybe it's not such a bad idea. If she went with us, she would see that Merle is all talk, harmless where women are concerned. Sure he fucks anyone who gives him an okay and doesn't mind them being comatose while doing it, but he knows Lumen's not interested. And he wouldn't cross that line. Could help her with that shitty mood too. So I wave at her to get her attention. 

"Hey, you wanna go to the party at the quarry with me and my brother? Might help to cheer you up." And to my surprise, she actually seems to be contemplating it. But after few moments of thinking, the answer is no. 

“I'll pass, I wouldn't be any fun tonight. I think I'll just watch something and go to bed early, but thanks for the offer, really." She gives me a first real smile that evening. I nod and go back to talking to Merle. 

The rest of the night goes like it always does. I find myself thinking yet again why am I even here? _Right, Merle!…_

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When I wake up the next day I see that it's afternoon already. I came home late, more like early morning and I passed out instantly. There is a coffee in the pot but no Lumen. I look outside and her car is gone as well. Well, looks like there will be no dinner for me. But one can always hope. I look into the fridge and yes, there are some leftovers to heat up. So I do just that, sit my ass before the TV and relax. 

Later on, I hear a car approaching and not long after it's parked the door burst open and very angry Lumen storms inside. Her bag hits the floor, her keys are thrown at the table so forcefully they drop to the floor, she curses "Asshole", kicks the chair before her and surely immediately regrets it because it looks like she hurt herself as she hisses painfully and sits down to examine the tip of her foot. It's actually kinda funny watching her. A laugh erupts from me and her eyes snap to me. She looks startled and surprised for a moment like she forgot I live here. But the angry look comes back quickly. 

"What's so funny? Are you laughing at me because someone made me so angry I obviously don't even notice who's around me and am making a fool of myself? Or is it the fact I probably lost my toe nail, that you find so amusing?" She snaps with a glare. Okay, not so funny, I glare back. 

"What the fuck is your problem? I didn't do shit to you!" I snap back and it makes her shrink. 

She flushes, even more, I don't know if it's because it made her angrier or because she's embarrassed, I won't ask either so I turn back to the TV. 

There is only silence after that as she takes off her shoe and the sock to look at said nail. I suppose it's nothing serious because after a minute she puts the sock and the shoe back on and shuffles to me. I move my head to look at her again to see what she wants. She clears her throat. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you, it's just…" Looking around her, she seems to search for the right words that never come because from the outside we hear a roar of a bike, it's Merle's bike, the bitch is the loudest damn thing I ever heard. It doesn't take long and we can hear the banging, which I don't know why he even bothers with since he always comes inside right after he does it. He doesn't pay attention whatsoever to the thick atmosphere in the room and goes instantly for a fridge to take one of my beers. 

"So, I thought we could go to the Luis's tonight, play some pool, have a beer…" He looks at me expectantly. I fix the beer in his hand with my eyes. 

"You have a beer! Why are you drinking my beer if you want to go to the bar anyway?" 

"Whoa, what got your panties in twist Darelina?" He then looks at Lumen as if he didn't even notice she's there before. "Ooooh, I get it. Trouble in paradise already?" He asks as he moves to greet Lumen. "Hello sweetheart, is he giving you hard time? Don't you worry, you can always stay at my place." She, on the other hand, doesn't look like she wants to be greeted because she takes few steps back, till her legs and then her ass hit the couch. She yelps as she lends besides me and glares at Merle. 

"No thank you. I'm quite content where I am." 

Merle looks between us with a huge grin. "I bet you are." And before either of us can react he continues. "So, about the bar, we going? You are more than welcome to join us, sweetheart." 

I stand up, why not. "Yeah, let's go." I glance back at Lumen and raise an eyebrow in a silent question. Merle, however, doesn't give her time to think, he bends over, grabs her by a wrist and is dragging her outside before I can even react. 

"It's Saturday night. We are not leaving anyone behind, right sugar?" He turns to Lumen but doesn't stop. She's at a loss for words as she just looks back at me and then resorts to a shrug. She tugs at the hand Merle is holding and he lets go. I thought she's going to tell us to fuck off, but she only goes back for her bag and keys then returns to Merle's side, his grin the biggest I've ever seen. _Okay, guess she's going._ She starts for her car but I tap her arm. 

"We'll take my truck. If you'll want to leave, just say so, I'll take you." 

"Alright, thanks." She falls in steps with me and we see Merle already by my truck with the door open, waiting on her. _What is he playing at? Everyone knows he's no damn gentlemen, what a bullshit._ I think as we get to the truck and leave.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When we get to Luis's there is a lot of people but to my relief, it's not as crowded as it usually is on Saturdays. We enter and Merle goes straight for the bar. 

"What's your poison sweetheart?" He asks Lumen. 

She glances at me like I knew the answer then back at Merle. "I'll have a beer I guess." 

He smiles at her. That real smile. "You guess right princess." I roll my eyes as he orders three beers and two whiskeys. 

We found three free seats near the pool tables and wait to see if one of them gets vacated anytime soon. I look at the tables while Merle downs his whiskey in one gulp and turns to Lumen. 

"So, you any good at pool?" But before she has a chance to answer his question seemingly out of nowhere Clyde materialized beside her. 

"Oh my, how did you persuade this poor soul to give you the time of day, you old bastard?" His gaze slides to Lumen. "Hello, pretty girl. I'm Clyde, the better choice. What's your name beautiful?" He takes her hand in his as if to give it a kiss and this time I won't wait for the hell to break loose so I rip his hand off her and glare at him. 

"You don't touch her, Clyde! Leave her alone!" Clyde lifts his hands up in a 'don't shoot' gesture and I hear Merle chuckling behind me. A pool table is free and Merle goes for the sticks. 

"Hey Clyde," he calls on his way, "wanna play too?" 

"Sure, why not!" Clyde calls back and I see Lumen make a face. Guess she's not happy about it. Clyde then turns back to us, well to me. 

"Sorry about that. That's your girl?" He says while still openly checking Lumen out. I want to say yes just to keep him off her. But Lumen ruined it before I could. 

"No, we only live together." Which apparently erased the part where I told him to leave her alone, because he turns to her instantly, leaning into her personal space. 

"Really, anyone else in the picture?" 

Lumen gives me a nervous glance but answers him anyway. "No, but-" She obviously wasn't done talking but Clyde interrupted her. 

"Well, that's a shame, such a beautiful girl and no one to woo her, let me help you with that." He leans even more into her and she tries to shove him away, _tries_ being the key word because he doesn't budge. So I step in again, grab him by his shoulder and show him away. 

"What the hell, Clyde? I told you to leave her alone, she's here with me, end of the story!" 

"Okay, okay." He puts his hand up again. "I can tell when I'm not wanted." I snort, _what bullshit_. Merle comes back at that point and points a finger at Clyde. 

"Careful! He's really touchy about her! And I won't help you if you piss him off." He says with a deep chuckle. Clyde joins him, then look back to Lumen again. 

"Didn't mean any harm beautiful. No hard feelings, right?" 

She doesn't seem to be convinced but nods anyway. _Wonderful! Anyone else? Please! Why not make sure she's as much uncomfortable here with us as possible! Assholes!_

We play for few hours. Lumen finally seemed to relax, she wasn't half bad at it either, Merle and Clyde still beat us every time except once but it was a decent play. When we decide to sit down again Clyde looked at his phone and frowned. 

"Well it has been fun, but I gotta go to my little girl now." Lumen's eyes widen and Merle leaned to her to mock whisper. "He's talking about his daughter, I still think he made her up and uses her as an excuse every time he wants to leave." He finishes laughing. Merle then walked with Clyde to go for another round. _Now that I think about it, I never actually saw Clyde's daughter, maybe he is actually making her up._ I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Lumen clearing her throat beside me. I look down at her, she looks sheepish. 

"I just wanted to thank you for what you did before. Um, and I'm really sorry I yelled at you back home. It was completely uncalled for. I was just so angry, but it wasn't your fault, so…" 

"Don't worry about it. Happens to us all." I cut her off, just as Merle gets back with our drinks. He looks at Lumen. 

"What do I hear here? Tell old Merle, what got you so angry to yell at this sweet face." _Yeah, he's drunk_. "Come on, I wanna know." 

She glances at me, then looks back at him. "Okay, well, I was trying to get hold of my ex this whole week, so I could go pick up the rest of my things. So I went to the apartment and found out he already changed the locks, I heard him inside though. I asked him to let me have at least my books. But he wouldn't let me in, saying he's keeping it all for the rent I never paid. Which was his idea, by the way, he told me to move in, that I don't have to pay anything since he doesn't pay anything either." She sniffs and I see tears starting to fall from her eyes. "I don't want any of his stuff, I don't want anything at all, only my book collection. There are books my dad gave me, and…" She starts to cry for real now. _Guess she's drunk too._

"Oh great, well done Merle, now what?" 

But Merle doesn't seem to be concerned at all. He gives me a triumphant smile. Then takes Lumen's hand. "Don't you worry Sweetheart. We'll get your books back." 

She looks up at him, eyes wide. "Really?" 

Merle smiles at her "Really, we'll take Daryl's truck, you'll have your books home before you say asshole." She sniffs again and then looks at me with puppy eyes. _Oh for Christ's sake._

"Yeah, sure! But not tonight. Let's finish this and go home. I think you had enough." 

_Drunken women, always either yell or cry… or fuck Merle. But yeah if she wants the books so badly, we can get them for her, why the hell not._


	4. Chapter 4

We finished our last drink and I watch Lumen staggering on her way out. She didn't seem that drunk when we were playing pool. The fresh air outside doesn't seem to help any, because when we get to my truck, suddenly she leans against the hood and bends over. _How much did she actually have? It's not like I was the one buying her drinks. Might be four, might be a lot more, I'm not even sure how much I had. But I can hold my liquor._

"I don't feel so good." Is the only thing she says, she doesn't move. Merle turns to go back to her, but I keep my distance.

"I can see that. Are you gonna puke?" I ask her.

She doesn't say anything for a moment, then I hear her whimper. "I don't know, I don't think so." She tries to move and manages to do a couple of steps but her legs don't seem to listen to her and she grabs Merle's arm, as it's the nearest thing she can hold on at the moment. He himself is a bit unsteady on his feet but he leads her to the door, chuckling.

"Come on, sweetheart, let's get you home."

He puts her between us and she leans against the backrest.

"I knew there is a good reason for why I don't drink. Why is everything spinning?" She shuts her eyes and puts her hand over them as if that would make it all stop. "I'll just close my eyes for a bit." And it's the last thing she says too.

Merle's amused eyes slide from her to me and he's grinning like a fool. "Looks like she's not used to drinking much, huh?"

I start the truck. "She said as much, I don't think she ate anything either." I glance at her, but she seems to be out already. Her head rolled on Merle's shoulder.

When we get to my house Lumen is dead to the world. We try to wake her up but it's impossible. Makes sense I guess, nothing wakes her on days she's sober, now she has alcohol to help.

I nudge Merle. "You were the one bringing her drinks, you drag her ass inside." I don't wait for his reply and go to search for something to eat. I didn't have anything either and I'm hungry.

A few moments later I see Merle carrying seemingly lifeless Lumen inside. He gives me an evil eye and turns to her room. Few moments after that I hear a faint sound, like whining, following with quiet, breathless 'no, no', then Merle's shushing her. _What the hell is he doing there?!_ I close the fridge and creep to Lumen's room. I stop in my tracks when I see her sprawled on the bed, her shoes off are lying next to it and Merle, who's back is to me, is hovering over her, working on her pants, which are halfway down her thighs already. She's trying to look around and seems a bit disoriented. Her eyes lend on Merle and her hands grab one of his arms, shaking her head no. He leans in toward her face to look into her tired eyes. They are barely open and it looks like it takes a lot of effort on her part to keep them open. _What the-._

"Shhh sweetheart, you are okay, just gonna tuck you in. You won't be comfortable with these on." He tries to move on with her pants again but she tugs at his arm weakly and shakes her head a bit again. He peels her hands from his arm effortlessly, puts them by her sides and pets them awkwardly, looking back up to her face. "Don't you worry about nothing. You made yourself perfectly clear the other day. Nothing's happening here." She closes her eyes and goes limp under him after that. I don't know if she passed out, or if she believed him. Either way, everything is alright in here, so I go back to my food hunting.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When I come to the living room the next day, I'm greeted with the sight I'd never guess I'd see. Merle's sitting on the couch and watching TV, yeah, no surprise there, but next to him, curled under a comforter, is Lumen. Her head is resting on his thigh and I see a bucket laid by and a wet towel on the table before them. I arch my eyebrows at him in a silent question.

"What? She was sick early in the morning." He smirks down at her. "Looks like we broke her in on the secret of nasty hangovers. She doesn't have a clue about how to handle it."

My eyebrows go even higher. "Is that so? You suddenly Merle-The-Caretaker or something?"

He gives me a mock offended look. "You say it like I don't know how to be nice to a girl. I can be very nice!"

I snort at that. " _Sure_ , being _nice_ to women, _that's_ how you usually get them!" I shot back sarcastically.

And as an answer, he flat out laughs at me. "You are one to talk, that yesterday wasn't very _you_ either, mister _'Don't touch her, she's here with me!'_ ," I guess he's trying to mimic my voice but fails miserably, he has a hard time to even speak because of the laughing, which eventually makes Lumen stir and groan next to him. I can't believe my own eyes when I see Merle pet her head, lulling her back to sleep, his laughs softens.

When she seems to be sleeping again he looks at me and _whispers_!

"What was that anyway? I thought you said you two aren't fucking, or something changed there?" He suddenly stops smiling and points his finger at me. "Are you? Because if you are actually fucking her I will be very pissed you had me to handle her drunken ass!"

I just shake my head and go make some coffee. I'm so dropping him at his place the next time. I don't care if he'll have to walk back here to get his bike, I don't want to listen to his bullshit first thing in the morning. I need my caffeine.

I start a pot and go through the fridge again. Looks like Merle had quite a few snacks during the night because there is not much left. I look to the couch, maybe Lumen wouldn't mind to make us some eggs when she wakes up. I see Merle slipping from under Lumen's head, putting a pillow there instead and then going to stand beside me. I groan internally. _Is it too much to want to have a quiet morning?_ He nudges me away from the fridge.

"Baby brother, I don't know how you survived here all that time, by yourself," he says while he takes out the eggs. _Can he read my mind or something?_ Merle looks at me then. _Fuck! He can!_ He sneers at my expression and continues with the cooking. With his back to me, he adds. "You might be slowly catching forty, but sometimes, you look just like the little boy I took care of once again."

"Fuck you!" I snap and go to the couch, when I remember that Lumen sleeps there, ugh. So I turn around, go back and sit at the table, waiting for my breakfast, just like the little boy I once was. Fuck!

By the time the coffee pot is done, Merle is done with the eggs as well and he goes to wake up Lumen. I don't know if that's a good idea but what the hell do I know. I don't suffer killer hangovers and I never took care of someone who did so… I leave it to him.

"Go away!" I hear from the couch. It's muffled. Looks like she's hiding. Like that would work on Merle. I snort at the thought.

"Come on princess, you need to eat something."

"I don't want to. I will be sick again. I am sick right now!" Her voice is hoarse.

"Come on, be a good girl and go eat your breakfast. You know I know what's best for you right now." He's telling her while stealing the comforter from her and tugging at her hands to get her to stand up. She has gray sweats on, guess she had to put them on sometime during the night. Or was it Merle last night? My eyes slide to him. What's up with all that? He's definitely acting weird.

By this time he managed to drag Lumen to the table, sit her down and a plate with eggs, a glass of water with aspirin in it lands before her followed by a cup of coffee. He takes his own cup and looks at me raising an eyebrow.

"What? Want me to make your plate too? Get your ass up and do it yourself. Jeez!" he says while sitting next to Lumen. He turns to her to encourage her. "Go on sweetheart, eat some! Drink the water. It'll do you good" She looks at him distrustfully but then starts to eat, slowly while he's watching her, drinking his coffee.

I go to fix my plate. What the fuck is happening here? Merle isn't nice! I've never seen him to be _nice_ to anyone. Even less to women. The nicest thing I've ever seen him do toward a woman was holding some bitch's hair while she was puking just to fuck her right after that. His motive for the nice act quite clear. Merle's a pig, Merle's a sexist, Merle's a racist, Merle's an asshole, Merle's a lot of things, but nice? No!

"So I was thinking about those books of yours," he says, bringing me out of my thoughts. Oh right, the books, I completely forgot about that. I look at Lumen when I sit back down across from her. She looks like she forgot about it too. But then she seems to remember because she turns scarlet red and glues her eyes to her plate, playing with her food she mumbles.

"Right... I am so sorry about the scene I did there, the crying I mean. Actually, I'm sorry for the rest of the night too, I've never drank that much and-" She starts to apologize but Merle cuts her off.

"-Nothing to be sorry about. You should see some of the things I do while under influence… actually no, forget what I said, you really shouldn't see any of that." He clears his throat. "Anyway, now at least we know, right? And we can help you out." He looks at me, but although I know I agreed to help her I still just can't believe what I'm seeing. 

So when she looks at me, my face must say it all, because she looks quickly back at her plate and shrugs. Obviously thinking I'm not so for the idea of helping her anymore. 

_I am, but-_. Merle gives me strange look. _-What? Not my fault! I'm not the one acting all weird out of the blue, am I?_ I give him a 'what a hell' look back. Merle shakes his head and turns back to Lumen.

"As I was saying, I was thinking about it, how many books are we talking?"

"A lot, but I have most of it in boxes anyway. There was only one bookcase in the apartment and I didn't buy another."

Merle grins at that. "Good, good. We should ask someone to go with us. To help to carry it all. I'll call Clyde."

I see Lumen make a face.

"Do you have to? I mean, it's awfully nice of you, that you are willing to help me, but this guy, something's off about him." Lumen's eyes travel to Merle. "I can't imagine that guy with a kid." She whispers the last part as if she was afraid he can somehow hear her.

Merle smiles at her knowingly. "Neither can I, that's why I think it's bullshit."

Clyde is indeed a strange character. And believe me, coming from me, that's saying something. He came seemingly out of nowhere a few months ago. One day Merle came with his new buddy and he's been around ever since. I never asked where they've met or anything. To me, it was obvious what this friendship is based on. Drugs. I don't know if I believe the little girl he's talking about exists, to be honest. But there is something in Clyde, something I'm very familiar with and I don't like it, something that was in my father too, and if the girl does exist? I wish for her to get away from him as soon as possible.

"Okay, so you wanna do it today?" Merle finishes the coffee in one big gulp and slams it down on the table.

Lumen cringes at the noise and shakes her head. "I don't think I'll be able to do anything today besides sleeping. Much less to deal with that ass. I don't actually know how to do it. I don't have a key anymore and I don't know when he'll be home. And even if I did know, he won't let me in." She sighs.

An evil smile breaks on Merle's face and he turns to search in one of the drawers in the kitchen for a paper and a pen. He puts them on the table before her once he found them. "Don't you worry about a thing, sweetheart. Old Merle will take care of everything. Just write down the name and the address." She gives him a questioning look but does what he asked. Merle looks at the paper. "Alright, so I'll be going now, things to do, people to find." He winks at Lumen who gives him an unsure smile in return. "Hey Darelina, you come by later. Yeah? I'll call you." And with that, he leaves.

"Thank you, for everything." She calls after him and he just waves back and shuts the door on his way out.

_This all is so strange._

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Later that day I go to Merle's house after he called me he has some new info about Lumen's ex. He sounded very proud of himself and when I get there he's already waiting for me outside, smoking, a beer in his hand and another one ready for me. Big grin on his face. He starts as soon as I am close enough to hear him.

"Hey baby brother, you won't believe what I found out! Me and Clyde went to check out the address, and guess what? Clyde knows the guy! Turns out the little shit is some college kid that buys from him regularly. Wasn't that often at first but these days he calls him two, three times a week. Did Lumen ever mention him having an issue like that?"

I shake my head, _what the hell do I know?_ "No, she doesn't talk about him at all, only that they broke up." I light a cigarette too as Merle continues.

"Anyway, we are in luck because I was told he's coming for his shit tonight. The plan is to wait for him, give him a little scare… I bet he'll give us anything without any protest after that. Clyde said he'll call a friend."

"Wouldn't the three of us be enough to scare some kid?"

"You never can be too sure. But that's not it, Clyde won't be with us for that part. Bad for business he said. We'll make it look like he has nothing to do with it. That's why he called that friend of his, to go instead. Said he's not from around here but that they are friends from way back when they were kids. So we got nothing to worry about if things go down somehow. You know, if the kid turns out to be more stupid than expected or, you know, I might get tired." his smirk getting bigger.

I decide to ask him. It bugs me all day long. "What's up with all the good will anyway?"

"What do you mean?" He's looking confused.

"You don't do shit for people, not without them paying. What's your angle here? You trying to get in her pants or something?"

Merle chuckles at that. "I already got in her pants." I shot him a look. _Not funny_. "I wouldn't mind if she'd let me into them panties too. But no. That's not it."

"What then?"

He looks like he's thinking about the answer and he sighs in the end.

"It's nothing alright? I just thought I'd try to not to give her shit like you asked. And what can I say? I like the girl."

I take the last drag and put the smoke down. "Yeah, right, whatever. Don't tell me then, I don't give a fuck."

"Sure you don't." He chuckles again.

Just then we see Clyde's car pulling up. He gets out and with him a huge black guy. I look to Merle who has the biggest grin on his face. _There is the brother I recognize. Shit!_ He's yelling at them before I have a chance to do anything.

"What the fuck is that? _That's_ your childhood friend? How the fuck that happened? Didn't you say your dad was with the KKK or something?"

Clyde makes a face and reply sarcastically. "Very funny."

But of course, Merle goes on. Looks like his changed self-applies to Lumen only.

"Who said I was trying to be funny? I can't have him hang out here, I got a reputation, you know?"

The guy's looking around, he seems to be prepared for this and try to keep his calm, but then his eyes land on Merle's bike and I know the second he spots the two S there because the zen is broken in that moment and he charges at Merle, who shoots to his feet. Racist or not he's blood so I step closer to him ready to step in, but Clyde stops the guy easily just by putting his hand on the guy's chest. Shaking his head. It looks like familiar common gesture between them, because the guy stops, although still fuming.

Clyde then turns to Merle. "You want my help with this or not?"

You can count on Merle to make things worse because he starts to laugh again. "You got him trained well. Does he play catch too?"

I decided it's time for me to try to calm the situation "Shuddup Merle! Your reputation is worth shit without anyone helping to it." I turn to Clyde "He- we do want the help." I turn to the still fuming but otherwise silent guy. "Just ignore him, he doesn't have a filter between his brain and his mouth. He's just talking shit, doesn't mean anything by it." I offer my hand to him. "Name's Daryl."

The guy eyes me then Merle. "Right, just talking shit, that's why he has his bike decorated so pretty?!"

I let my hand fall. _I tried! Can't do more than that._ But then Clyde steps in. "Hey man, I wouldn't bring you here if it was like that. It's just a pose. Helped him when he was doing time. That's all. He's alright."

Merle opens his big mouth again. "Hey Clyde, _he's_ right here and _he_ can talk for himself!"

"Shut your mouth, Merle!"

"Shut the fuck up, Merle!"

Clyde and I shout at him at the same time.

I'm not sure how much of a pose it actually is, but the guy seems to be okay with Clyde's explanation. Maybe he's been in jail too? Everyone who did know how hard it can get without some backup. Anyhow, eventually he nods at me. "Oscar." He's acting like Merle isn't there though as he continues to talk to me. "So it's your girl we are helping out?"

I narrow my eyes at him. "My roommate."

I see Oscar and Clyde exchange a brief look. "Sure, whatever you say. So what's the plan?"

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

An hour later Merle, Oscar and I are sitting at the bar Clyde's using for his deals. It's kinda in the middle of nowhere. Merle asked why he doesn't have him to come to his house like Merle does. More privacy and less trouble with moving the product. Apparently, it's because A) those stupid punks don't know how to behave, which leads to B) his girl is there.

Merle takes a swig of his beer. "I still call it bullshit. There is no girl in that house. I've been there." He turns to Oscar. "Hey, you've known him long enough. Tell me, am I right?"

But Oscar is still skillfully ignoring him. He turns his eyes to me. "So, why are those books so important? First editions or what?"

I shrug. "Don't know. She said something about her dad giving her some of them. I think he's dead, she told me she doesn't have a family."

Oscar frowns at that information. "So emotional value, alright."

After few hours of Merle's stupid remarks and uncomfortable silence which followed them we got the 'that's him' signal from Clyde. _Finally, I can't wait to get out of here._ We move to wait for him outside. I take a look at him before we leave. He doesn't look like a junkie to me. He looks more like he got lost on his way here.

We don't have to wait for long. Looks like the pretty boy doesn't like the place. As soon as he steps out Merle grabs him and drags him to the corner where dumpsters are placed. He shoves him against the wall, causing the guy to lose his breath for a moment.

"Hey boy, heard you have something that doesn't belong to you!"

"What? What are you talking about? I paid for everything!" He's looking around, confused but when he spots me and Oscar staying behind Merle his look turns nervous.

Merle gives him one of his fake smiles. "Not the drugs you stupid shit. Something you've got at home. Something that belongs to Lumen. What? That name ring a bell?"

The guy now looks more annoyed than anything else. He puts his hands up in a placating gesture.

"Look, I don't want any trouble. I don't know what the bitch told you, but she has a right to nothing. What did she do? Pay you to scare me? Oh right, she doesn't have the money for that. So what did she do? Let you each have a turn with her? I always knew she was just a piece of trash. So how much do you want to leave it be?" He starts to tap his pockets probably looking for his wallet, chuckling. _What a dumb arrogant dipshit this is._ I start to chuckle too, he's in for a little life lesson.

Merle looks back at me and Oscar, who looks taken aback by our reaction and my brother's big smile. Not me, I know what's coming. Merle turns back and punches the guy in the process, then again, and again, and again, and again. Then he pulls him up, pins him to the wall, keeping him up by grabbing his hair and presses a knife, that came seemingly out of nowhere, to his neck. The guy doesn't move an inch after seeing it. He doesn't look so confident anymore either.

"So, since you seem to be kinda slow. I say it one more time. _I heard-_ " Merle starts, adding a bit more pressure with the knife and I see a faint trace of blood forming "-that you have something, that doesn't belong to you." He smashes his head against the wall again, but not as hard for the guy to lose consciousness.

"So here's how it will go. Tomorrow you'll be home, waiting for us at seven. You seem stupid enough, so I will be more specific. You'll be waiting there at seven in the evening, alone, with her stuff ready, or, we will be waiting for you, somewhere else, some other time, and we won't be so very nice to you. Understood? Just blink if you do."

The guy blinks quickly, his eyes wide and I can see the swelling forming already. Merle shoves him one more time against the wall, losing his hold on him in the process.

"Alright then. I was hoping you give us little more trouble than that. My friend here-" He motions to Oscar "-certainly was looking forward to having his turn with _you_." He makes the move with his hips and winks at the guy who is now sitting on the ground groaning.

"It was a real pleasure meeting you." Merle adds with that fake smile.

We leave him there after that and go back to my truck to leave, just in case the little shit decides to cause some trouble. Once we are in the truck Oscar turns to Merle for the first time that evening.

"Why the hell did you made _me_ the sick-homo-rapist?"

Merle just laughs. "Trust me, nothing scares a little white boy like him more than a big black guy having his way with him." He continues laughing and I see Oscar shaking his head. Well at least they seem to be getting along, sorta.

I look at Oscar. "So where am I taking you."

"I have my car at Clyde's. I'm staying there for the night." I nod and turn that direction.

"You'll be there tomorrow, right?" I glance at him seeing him fishing for his phone.

"Yeah, sure. I just have to let my wife know that I'll be back later."

My head snaps to him and I see Merle doing the same.

"A wife?" Merle asks. "You have kids too?"

Oscar looks somewhat between offended and guarded. "Yeah, I have two, what about it?"

"Nothing, you just don't seem like a family man." Merle replies and then turns back to the window.

Oscar is writing something on his phone when he says. "Yeah, well, you all don't seem like guys who take the trouble to get _books_ back for a girl either. What's your point?"

Neither of us say anything to that. He's right.

When I get home that night, Lumen is still on the couch but she looks much better than she did when I was leaving. I brought dinner for us since Merle ate almost everything we had in the fridge. I put it on the table and sit next to her.

"We go for your books tomorrow. We're supposed to be there at seven and he's supposed to be there waiting for us." I tell her while watching TV.

She looks at me, her face pure surprise and disbelief.

"Really? Thank you! How did you manage to get him to agree to that?"

I turn to her then, feeling a smirk breaking on my face. "We asked nicely."

She frowns but says nothing. What did she think we'll do exactly? Anyway, it doesn't matter. It's done, and we'll see tomorrow how it worked.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Next evening at seven we see it worked just fine. The fucker had all the boxes by the door ready for us. Merle gives him his charming fake smile then turns to Lumen who is nervously fidgeting by the door. Not looking at the guy at all. What up with that?

"Hey sweetheart, go look around, see if he didn't forget anything, he doesn't mind, right?" He directs the last part to the guy.

Lumen glances at Merle and then to her ex, who's staring at her, not looking pleased at all but he gives her a nod regardless. She moves to the apartment and we start to carry the boxes to my truck. Between the three of us, it doesn't take that much of a time to get it all down. I have to say, when she said a book collection, I didn't expect a whole town library. But whatever. While Oscar and Merle are taking down the last two boxes I go look for Lumen to let her know we are done. I find her in the bedroom, the door is slightly open but she didn't see or hear me coming. I see her packing some books from a shelf by the bed, she looks furious. I'm about to go in when I see the guy comes to the view. I find myself actually wanting to find out what's going on with them. So I stay hidden.

"...You know Anthony, I don't expect much from you these days, but to hide these, just to spite me? What the hell are you twelve?" She has the same tone she used when I pissed her off the first time I tried to talk to her about herself.

He laughs at her. "Me? I'm the immature one here? You left without a word, without a note, without a fucking text? Very adult Lumen, very adult!"

"You know very well why I left, don't you try to pretend it was an uncalled for move!"

"Oh please, you should be thankful, not running away. Besides, I bet you secretly like a little rough handling."

"Stop it! Even _if_ I did, there is a difference between little rough and what you did!"

He snorts at her reply. "How would _you_ know that? But hey, seeing the charmers you get yourself now, I'm sure you'll find out soon enough just how rough you like it. Both of those white trash assholes there look like they can do the job just fine. So which one is it? Which one is the one you live with now?"

"None of your business!"

"Ha, so it is true, that's just precious! You left _me_ for some redneck hicks? Do you _all_ live together? You like playing their trashy wife. Hard to believe, if you ask me, with how prudish you are."

"No, I left you because you've been treating me like shit lately. Do you even listen to what you are saying? You changed," she snaps back. I'm starting to get an idea about what happened here. With the drugs and all. I'm starting to get an idea about what a snobby asshole he is too. _Keep talking you piece of shit, see where it'll get you._

I hear his sarcastic laugh. "Oh really, well let me laugh at you up front for what's waiting for you with these guys. Do you even know who you live with? You've been avoiding looking at me the whole time so you might somehow miss the state of my face? Their work! They even put a knife to my neck and for what? Some stupid fucking books? Get real! I have an important family dinner this weekend and because of you I'll have to cancel or go like this!"

" _Stupid Fucking books?_ Are you serious right now? You know what those books mean to me. You know what Anthony? I actually felt bad about letting them help me when I saw you. I wanted to apologize, but hearing you now? I don't care what they did to you. I almost wish they did more because it looks like this still wasn't enough to wake you up!" I hear a dull sound right behind me and a yelp, then him hissing something at her. _Okay, time to go in._ First thing I see is him pointing his finger at… Lumen who's against the wall by the door.

"... just stupid fucking bitch with daddy issues, I'll show yo-" He stops talking when he notices me standing in the door.

"You ready to go? We got everything in the truck." I ask Lumen while staring this _Anthony_ guy down.

She takes a deep breath, it sounds a bit shaky, but she doesn't move otherwise. I look down at her. "Lumen?"

The dipshit doesn't say anything more with me in the room, he just snorts again and leaves. At that point, I hear Merle calling for us. "All ready! You coming?"

She points at the bed. "Just this one bag. Then it's all."

I nod and call back. "In here, we're coming!" I take the bag and grab Lumen by her elbow to lead her out since she still looks a little shell-shocked.

Outside Oscar asks if we need the help with unloading it all from the truck too, but we send him home. To his _wife_. I still find it as believable as Clyde's _little girl._


	5. Chapter 5

"That went alright!" Merle announces after getting in the truck, looking extremely pleased with himself. Lumen stays quiet. I catch her looking at Merle's bruised knuckles when he gets in. She then turns her head to look at mine but she sees my eyes on her and drops her gaze to her lap, where it stays for the rest of the ride. She seems to be lost in thoughts and Merle has been giving her strange glances all the way to the house. I'm not sure what's up with her either. We are almost at the house when she turns to Merle and speaks for the first time since we left the apartment.

"You staying for dinner, right?" Her voice sounds okay but she doesn't look higher than his chest.

I park the truck but don't move to open the door. Neither does Merle. He turns in his seat as much as he can to face her. He's eyeing her for a moment and then reaches for her, making her look at him. "What is it? What did I do now?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing!"

Merle looks at me then, raising his eyebrows questioningly. I let out a snort. "It's the guy, he said some shit back there, about how we'll treat her badly to scare her. Looks like it worked."

Her head snaps to me, her face turning red. "You heard that?"

"Yup." I confirm with a nod.

Merle starts to laugh. "You scare way too easily. Just like the first time I saw you here? You looked at me like I was going to carve you up along with those deer. Really, what do you think we'll do? Chain you to the stove and never let you leave?" he finishes, still chuckling.

She shakes her head again. "No, it's not that. I just- I really am thankful you got my books back. They mean the world to me so I didn't want to give you the impression that I'm ungrateful." She sighs. "I just didn't expect you to beat him up like that. I don't think that was really necessary."

That makes Merle sneer at her. "Is that so? What did you want us to do then? Send him a mean letter?"

She shrugs helplessly. "I guess I didn't really think about it. My brain wasn't working properly yesterday, the hangover was awful, my head hurt like hell. I was just glad someone was going to handle something for me for once and I didn't give it much thoughts. I don't know what I expected. Maybe that you'd just ask, you know because it would come stronger from you guys. I don't know..." She trails off.

Merle sighs. "These things don't work that way sweetheart. You want something someone doesn't want to give? You have to say it clearly enough for them to listen!" He raises an eyebrow, daring her to disagree. When she remained silent he rubs his hands together happily. "Alright then, I'll just go and start with the boxes. And yes, I would love some of that dinner you were talking about." With that, he leaves the truck.

Lumen starts after him, but I grab her arm to stop her.

"You good?"

"Yeah." She gives me a weak smile. "I guess I'll have to think harder before asking you two for a favor again, huh? But yeah, I'm okay."

"I don't see why. It worked just fine." I let go of her arm but she grabs mine before I completely pull away and locks her eyes with mine.

"Thank you! I know we had an awkward start, but I like living here. I'm not sure why are you being so nice to me or helping me, but I want to thank you. I really do appreciate it." She fell silent after that but didn't let go of me. She then leans closer and says quietly, as if telling me a secret, "You know, between the two of us, it felt a little good to see him like that after the things he said and done." And after a small squeeze, she lets go. "I'll start the dinner?" I nod and on that note, she's off to the house. I watch her bounce into Merle in the door, I see him smile at her and hold it for her to enter.

Why indeed. I look down at the arm she was holding moments ago. People usually irritate me, some more, some less, but they all do at some level. It takes a big amount of effort to deal with most of them. The only time I didn't feel that annoyance and that anger in other people's presence has been the time in the woods, where I hold all the power, where I show them how little they really mean, how unimportant they are, when I see the last pieces of hope and then the life leaving them... until her. I can't explain it but toward her, I don't feel that way. Even Merle gets on my nerves most of the time but not her. She doesn't irritate me, she doesn't annoy me. Safe for that first argument we had when she moved in, everything goes so smoothly with her, and even then I forgot why I got mad in a matter of minutes. I don't think there is a point in guessing what it is. It's just there, it's like I can breathe freely around her and I'm not the only one to feel that way apparently because I didn't see my brother take care of anyone besides me since… well ever. But something just clicked right between them. It looks like she's ours to look after now. And I find myself being absolutely okay with that.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

We got the boxes piled up inside in no time. Some in Lumen's room, some in the living room. Now I'm sitting at the table drinking my beer and watching Merle hovering over Lumen, trying to steal whatever she's working on. All I hear is her slapping his hand away and him complaining about her not being nice enough to him. After one rather loud slap, he shouts out.

"Hey! That's the treatment I get after I so generously helped you out?"

"If you had helped me out of pure generosity, you wouldn't want anything in return. But that's not the point, I simply don't want to accidentally cut your fingers off, so have a beer or something and wait for it to be done."

He waves his bottle in front of her face. "I am having a beer, I wanted a snack with it, but if you are going to threaten me with a knife I'll just go and take my generosity elsewhere," he says it with a grin on his face and she smiles back at him. He looks at the boxes again as if contemplating something, then turns back to her and asks, "So, what's up with the books anyway? You wanted to start your own library or something?"

Lumen laughs but it's somewhat bitter. "No, I have all of them because of this thing we did with my dad. I always loved to read and I don't remember when it actually started, but we went to the bookstore once a week and I got to choose one that he bought for me. He always read it too, so we could talk about it after… He was great," she finished quietly.

"Was? What happened?" Merle asks after having a big swig of his beer. Lumen starts to fidget in her spot but of course, he doesn't pick up on that.

"He's dead. I'd rather not talk about it," she says keeping her eyes glued to the vegetable she's cutting.

Merle looks my way, raising eyebrows. I shrug, _what do I know? It's not like we braid our hair and tell each other secrets in the evenings._ He turns back to her.

"Well, at least one of us had a father that gave a shit." Lumen looks at him. "You don't wanna know, believe me." He shrugs off the potential question before she even opened her mouth. Who knows, maybe she wasn't about to ask anything anyway. Because her only reaction is a silent nod and continuing with her cooking. I enjoy the silence that follows for a minute or two until Merle looks from her to me and then sighs exaggeratedly.

"You know, you two are so much fun to be around! Neither of you seems to shut up!"

I snort. "Even if I wanted to say anything I wouldn't have a chance since you don't shut your mouth. Ever." I look to where Lumen is, she's throwing everything into the pan, the oil is hissing and it starts to smell delicious almost instantly. I didn't even realize how hungry I am until now. My eyes shift to Merle as he starts talking, again.

" _Someone_ has to fill the silence so we don't get bored to death." He leans closer to Lumen. "You were fun enough the other night, want me to get you a drink? We could make a night of it!"

She laughs and shakes her head. "No thank you, as much as I would love to spend the night throwing up again, I have to get up early for work."

"How early?" he asks as he turns to go to sit with me.

"Very early." She glances at us over her shoulder. "4:30 am early."

Merle makes a face. "Well, that sucks for you."

But she shakes her head. "No, I wanted them to give me these hours. We have a schedule figured so I could do the school program and have time to study the evenings. I don't mind waking up early."

He's watching her cook, seemingly in thought. "What was it again that you study?"

"I'm in a nursing program."

A broad smile breaks on Merle's face. "That's right! A nurse! Hey, do you own one of those cute uniforms? That would improve this night enormously!" She just shakes her head again, not even bothering to answer that.

I light a smoke. "She said a nurse, not a stripper you creep. Leave her be."

Merle looks at me throwing hands in the air. "What did I say? I thought all college girls are up for any fun!"

That makes me laugh. "Sure, _that's_ why you have to pick up the ones that barely walk by themselves."

Merle grins at me widely. "No, I do that because it's easier than to charm the sober ones to go with me. And the bonus is I can either leave them where I fucked them or just throw them out of my house without trouble and they usually don't even remember anything so they don't bother me afterward. You know how it is baby brother, you start to act nice, they start to get clingy right away. Better to have that off the table so they won't get any ideas." He's explaining, looking very proud of himself. I doubt any of those college girls would be looking for him either way. But whatever, it's his business. Lumen turns to us at that point.

"Do you really have to explain that with me still in the room? I'm not drinking anywhere near you, ever again!"

He directs his grin at her, wiggling eyebrows. "What is it, sweetheart? Having trouble to remember something?"

I see her face loses some of the color and her eyes go wide. She briefly looks down at her body as if looking at it would give her some answer. Looking back up she breaths out barely audible. "No, you wouldn't!" Merle only continues to grin at her like a cat that ate the canary so I step in.

"No, of course, he didn't." Her eyes snap to me. "I was here the whole time, nothing happened." She looks from me to Merle probably trying to figure what the truth is but hissing from behind her makes her turn back to stir whatever is in that pan.

"Tell her, you asshole!" I kick Merle under the table hard enough for him to stop grinning. He frowns at me.

"It was just a joke! She knows that!" He then looks to where Lumen's standing. "You know that, right sweetheart?" When she stays silent, he gets up to go to her. I can see her tense up instantly and when Merle touches her shoulder, she jumps a little. "Oh, come on! Why would I even talk about it, if it was the truth?"

"I don't know, people do stupid things for stupid reasons. This wasn't funny. At all," she whispers. That makes me frown as Merle gives me an annoyed look. There's more to it than just her not taking a joke well. Merle's only too ignorant to pick up on what she's not saying.

He throws his hands in the air. "Alright, I won't be joking about fucking you again, happy? Jeez." He sits down again. I watch her to make our plates, she's working slowly and she looks lost. Merle follows my stare just for Lumen to see us both looking at her when she turns with two plates in her hands. She halts for a second and then puts the plates before us and clears her throat.

"I'm going to eat in my room." She doesn't wait for a reply. She takes her plate and is gone before I manage to say anything. I look to Merle who looks genuinely confused. I shake my head, he's hopeless.

"You can't just joke with a girl about raping her and then expect her to have a dinner with you. She doesn't know you that well to know you say stupid shit all the damn time, you moron!" I snort before digging into my food.

"I wasn't joking about raping her!" His expression transforms to offended one.

"Yeah you were. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure that fucking someone barely conscious who's telling you 'no' is a rape. So telling her you did it is joking just about that."  
I watch him mull it over in his head when finally he seems to realize what he said. He looks startled for a second, but it's gone so quickly, I wouldn't even notice it if I wasn't watching so closely.

"Whatever! She doesn't even remember saying 'no' to me. Who are you to lecture me about bad behavior anyway?"

I shrug and go back to eating. He's right. About the lecturing part at least. It's just, that lost look on her face. It bugs me for some reason. Now that I think about it, there is something off about the way she's jumping from absolutely calm to being freaked out in a matter of seconds every time something disturbs her. She seems to be convinced the worse possible scenario will happen in every situation in which she feels uncomfortable. But at the same time, she always seems to struggle with it. It's like she's not sure how to respond to things happening around her. I wonder if she's this way only with us because let's face it, we are pair of assholes, or if she struggles in general.

"Fuck!" Merle pushes his almost empty plate away and stands up, interrupting my train of thought. I look up to see him storming off to Lumen's room.

I'm on my feet instantly and try to get to him before he gets there, but the stupid table is in the way. "Merle!" But he's already bursting into her room.

"I am no fucking rapist! I didn't touch you save for helping you inside and get comfortable," he shouts as soon as the door is open. I catch up by the end of that sentence to see Lumen standing behind her bed, a startled expression on her face. I want to drag Merle away and settle this later but before I have a chance to say or do anything she's talking.

"Wha- I- I know!"

"You sure about that?"

She's just staring and there it is again, that helpless, lost look. "I'm sorry."

I grab Merle's arm. "Come on, leave her alone." But he shrugs me off.

"No, I want to know what the problem she has with me is!" He moves around the bed to Lumen who's eyeing him but otherwise doesn't move. For a moment I consider to fight him on it but to be honest, I'm kinda curious myself what's up with all the mood swings. I watch him drag the chair near the bed, he then grabs Lumen's arms he pushes her down, sitting on said chair in front of her. I wander inside the room and lean on the desk.

He motions for her to speak. "Go on, tell me what's on your mind."

She seems to be really thinking it over before she speaks. She glances my way, clearing her throat she starts, "I know you didn't do anything to me, it's- it's just, I'm just- I know I'm here for what? Two weeks? Less? But I started to feel comfortable around you two so quickly it felt like we've known each other much longer than that. And today, after seeing Anthony I realized that I don't really know much about you- I have no idea what to really expect. I was thinking about it on our way here and decided to let it go. But then listening to your vivid explanation…" She turns her head to me. "I don't get it. What am I doing here? Why are you even helping me? It just seems to be too good for it to be that easy, and it starts to get quite clear that you don't go around helping people…" She trails off.

I sigh heavily. "Okay then, you wanna hear the truth?" I ask and I can see Merle's alarmed, questioning look while Lumen looks at me and gives me a nod.

"Alright, but don't get mad. You asked," I tell her pointedly. "The thing is when you came here the first day, I saw you in your car, I was watching you sitting there, looking like you wanted to leave, but you stayed in the end. Then when you saw _me_ , you looked like you wanted to leave once again, but you stayed. You didn't seem to be all that comfortable around me but you took the deal. You just looked like you really didn't have many other options. Which turned out to be right, more or less." I take a deep breath and continue. "The truth is, I felt bad for you. The whole truth is, I was actually thinking about letting you stay just for the cooking and cleaning. To help you focus on school, to make it easier for you to make it through that nursing program of yours."

She turns scarlet red and drops her eyes again. I hear her whispering. "Oh God, this is so embarrassing."

I look to Merle who's been oddly quiet and see him staring at me, a strange look in his eyes. I'm about to ask him what he's looking at me like that for when I realize, that I actually meant what I said. I really wouldn't mind having her here, just for the cooking to help her out. I wouldn't mind her being here for anything at all in return. I just feel okay with her around here. _Where is all of this coming from?_ I don't know, and frankly, I don't care!

"Well I for one-" Merle joins the conversation again, getting up. "-didn't know all that. I was being nice because I like you." He tries to move closer to her. I shove him away in the general direction of the door.

"Fuck off Merle, she told you she's not interested." He starts to laugh again. Putting his hands up he backs off and without another word, he leaves the room.

Lumen just stares after him so I grab her by her arm to get her attention. She looks back at me, her face still bright red. "I didn't say it for you to feel shitty about being here, or because I want you to be grateful. I just told you how it was. Now, you have this zen aura about you, I like it, so I honestly like having you here, okay?"

She nods and gives me a small "okay," while staring into my eyes.

I release her arm. "And if you'll ever get tight on money." She drops her eyes again. "Just say so, if it was up to me, you could stop paying the rent from now on, alright?"

She shakes her head to that. "No, I'd prefer to pay you."

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It's Friday night and I find myself yet at another stupid student party at the quarry with Merle. I'm sitting on the bed of my truck, drinking beer while he's on a hunt for yet another drunken enough girl, saying he has to make use of this weekend because exams are in a few weeks and there will be no drunken girls for awhile. I find it hilarious how Merle struggles to keep in mind his own working schedule but he has mapped all holidays, school breaks and when all the exams are. The man really goes out of his way to get a cheap pussy.

For the last two weeks I didn't see much of Lumen. Saying she's behind on her schedule, she's been studying every night, in her room, behind closed doors. Every day when I got home from work something to eat was ready for me but besides few brief encounters, no Lumen. I'm pretty sure she's hiding from me, from us. Maybe I shouldn't have told her about the 'no paying proposition' she looked embarrassed enough. In any case, I decided to give her some room and I spent last weekend in the woods, with Merle, hunting. There is not much I can do to help the situation. I just give her some time, I want her to be comfortable around me, but I'm starting to get frustrated by her constant absence. I want that calmness again.

I hop down from the bed, light a smoke and look around. I'm already bored and we haven't been here for more than an hour. Suddenly my eyes catch a familiar face. It's that Anthony guy, he talks animatedly with some other people. How does he manage to still look that smug with that broken face he's got is a mystery to me. He's on something for sure. That little shit, I wonder what happened between him and Lumen that made her just pack her things and run away from him. Maybe I could make him tell me before-.

An arm lands around my neck. "Not a good idea," Merle whispers in my ear.

"What?" I turn my head to look at him

"I know what you are thinking. Don't!"

"Please, even you would enjoy that one." I grunt quietly.

"That's not the point, Lumen lives with you, she lived with him, I heard him talking shit about her. Think Daryl! Cops will go straight to your house to ask questions."

I put down the smoke. "Whatever, I'm out of here." I just turn around and leave. I'm done with these stupid parties. I wanna go home, where it's quiet.

When I get to the house I don't see any lights. Maybe she's out. Maybe she's sleeping. I open the door and switch on the light by it. I am startled by a yelp, searching the source I am greeted with the sight I didn't expect, at all. Lumen is standing in the kitchen, in her underwear, her hair down, looking like she's freshly out of the shower. She has earphones on and it looks like she's been looking for a snack as the fridge is open. She's breathing heavily and hastily tears out the earphones.

"Oh God! You scared me to death! You are never home before dawn when you go out with your brother!" She then suddenly seems to realize how little clothes she has on and she jumps behind the door of the fridge. And I'm still staring, I can't stop staring. It's been awhile in so many ways and it's her! I can feel my pants getting tighter and as if on their own accord, my legs start to move. She's eyeing me as I'm getting closer and tries to lighten the mood.

"You know, it's getting kinda cold in here. Would you mind throwing a blanket my way, please?" She laughs nervously. I am at her side by that time. I pull her away from the thing by her arm and close the door.

"So, don't stand in the fridge half naked." I smile down at her as I feel the calm surrounding me. She, on the other hand, doesn't seem calm at all, her breathing is speeding up and she's staring at me, eyes big as plates. But she doesn't try to move away, she doesn't say anything either. I rest one hand on the cupboard behind her and move the other one on her arm in long caress from her elbow up over her shoulder to her neck. I whisper. "Don't hide from me anymore." I'm not sure I meant to say that aloud. What I am sure of is that I was talking about the last two weeks, but her eyes drop to her body, where her hands are trying to do the impossible task of hiding what's visible, which is an awful lot. I didn't even notice her doing it.

She looks back up to my eyes. "What are yo-" I don't let her finish. The hand resting on her neck goes higher and grabs her hair to keep her in place. My head drops and I'm kissing her before I even realize what I'm doing. It's like my body functions on autopilot. Usually, I don't even enjoy kissing. But I can't bring myself to stop now. It feels so good. I feel her hands move to my chest but she's not pushing me away. My other hand travels to her back and I push her closer to me. I let go of her hair, sliding down my fingers to close them around her throat briefly, feeling her pulse beating rapidly, I then continue down. I'm almost at her breasts when she starts to struggle. She breaks the kiss and starts to push at my chest, trying to make some space between us. I lean in going for her neck, I don't wanna stop.

"Daryl! Daryl wait!" Her voice sounds raspy.

"Hmmm?" I straighten up some to look at her. I feel like in a dream but I sober up a little from it at the slightly panicked look in her eyes. Still, I can't bring myself to let go of her.

"Daryl, what are you doing?" _What kind of question is that? Isn't it obvious?_

"I want you." I tell her the truth, making small circles on her back as I still hold her.

She's searching my eyes. "How do you want me? For tonight?"

"No, I want you to be mine. Not just for tonight."

She continues to look at me and then she slowly nods. _Did she just agree?_ I lean in to kiss her again, but she moves her head back. "Wait!"

"What, what is it?" Now I'm getting very mixed signals! But there is still no annoyance. The peace inside me is almost overwhelming. She brings her hand to my face and caresses me.

"I do like you back. I just- let's just take it slow, okay?"

 _Okay, I can do that._ I give her a small smile. "Alright."

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I'm early for the work. I tried to wake up with Lumen today. It was a bad idea and I'm definitely not doing it again, but now here I am, waiting in front of the shop for the boss to show up and open. I light a smoke and think about the last two days.

It turned out Lumen actually did have a lot of work for school to do so she was buried in books for the most of the time for the rest of the weekend. But this time her door stayed open and when she took a break she always came to find me. We didn't go much further than those kisses and we didn't really talk. We just spent the time together, mostly in silence. She would snuggle up to me, or just sit with me, depending on what I've been doing when she came to me. Still, I felt genuinely content. It's such a new experience, to feel content. To spend time with someone without the anger in the way.

My train of thought is cut off by newspaper being slammed on the table in front of me and Merle hissing. "Are you out of your mind? Why don't you ever listen to me!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

He points at the papers, pointing out one of the headlines. I look at it and see it's the section about missing persons. Is he checking out that part just to see who I might have killed? He won't know for sure anyway, what's the point? And why is he showing it to me in the first place? But then I see it. A picture of the little shit we've visited two weeks ago, Lumen's ex. And he's missing.

I look up. "Merle-!"

But he cuts me off. "-I told you it was a bad fucking idea!"

"Merle-"

But he doesn't even look at me. "- What the hell were you thinking? I know! You didn't think at all. It's not some random guy. It's Lumen's ex. What did I tell you?! She lived with him, and now she lives with you. This one will lead the cops right to you."

"Merle-"

"-You know, there's asking for trouble and there's fucking begging for it!"

I raise my voice to get his attention. "Merle!"

"What?!"

I glance at the papers. "It wasn't me!"


	6. Chapter 6

My mood drops right after seeing that photo in the papers. I couldn't stop thinking about it for the rest of my shift either. All the calm I was enjoying for the last two days is gone and the anger is here in full force. I didn't get to kill him and the cops will be coming to ask questions anyway. Not that I regret the weekend I had. It was great, but I really wanted to have this one. I would've asked him some questions, take my sweet time. I know I would've thoroughly enjoyed it this time. I should have taken him when I saw him on Friday. Why do I always listen to Merle anyway? The times when he held all the answers for me are long gone. Sure, after his time in the military, he taught me some useful stuff again, but that doesn't mean he knows everything better. I toss away the small part in my hand in frustration.

Several heads turn in my direction hearing the noise. "Everything okay, Daryl?" Joe, being the closest to me, asks.

I grunt, nodding my head, then checking the time. Only two hours left 'til the end of my shift. I can't wait to get out of here. Everyone's getting on my nerves more than usual and today's heat doesn't help any. I see Merle giving me a look, but he says nothing.

"Is she giving you trouble?" Joe continues with the questions. My head snaps to him. _What?_ He motions to the car in front of me. _Right!_

I shake my head no. "Almost finished with this one."

"When you are, go home! Cool off or sleep off whatever this is. In any case, I don't want to see this shit _here_ tomorrow."

Fine by me, I can't wait to get out of here. "You're the boss." I wipe the sweat off my face and go back to this damn thing to finish as soon as possible.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When I do finally get home, Lumen's car is already there. I walk in and find her sitting at the table, a cup of coffee in her hands. For a second there I felt a little calmer, that was until I saw her expression. One word: worry.

"Hey," she greets me with a small genuine smile. _Okay, seems it's not me that's making her worry. That's good._ I go to the fridge for a cold beer, stopping by her side, I bend to give her a peck on her lips. My fingers bury in her hair, hers sneak to the back of my neck and hold me close to prolong the kiss.

"You are home early," she breathes out after she let go. It's not a question, just a statement of the obvious fact, so I don't say anything and go on to get my beer. Her eyes are following me.

"The police went to see me at work. Anthony's missing… my ex-boyfriend, I mean."

I open the bottle and drink almost half of it at once, it's heavenly cold. Then I look at her. "I've heard."

"You did?" she asks, confused, "When? How?"

I sit at the table with her, answering her questions, "Was in the papers. Merle showed me this morning." She doesn't reply right away. Instead, she's biting her lip nervously while looking at her hands and sneaking glances at me for a minute before she leans closer to me as if someone could hear her. "Has he- do you think he has anything to do with it?" she whispers.

"Who?"

"Merle," she says his name even more quietly and it takes everything in me to not start to laugh.

"Darling, I'm sure it's safe to say that he has nothing to do with it. Why would you even think that?" I managed to hold back the laughing, but even I can hear the amusement in my voice. Merle-the-kidnapper, it has a ring to it. Her eyes drop to the mug in her hands and her cheeks redden.

"No, of course not, I'm sorry. It was stupid to even ask that." She glances at me probably checking if I'm mad at her for asking, I'm not and it must show because she visibly relaxes. I couldn't be angry with her in this moment even if I tried to be. I find it hilarious, her sitting here with _me_ , discussing someone else's possible involvement in person going missing. She clears her throat before she began to speak again, pulling me out of my musing. "It's the cops, they just asked a lot of questions, said a lot of things too. Apparently, Anthony said to some friend about how he got beaten up, he didn't know the names, but they knew it was somehow connected to me." She looks me in the eyes then. "Daryl, they think I have something to do with it, that I had someone to do it and that the person helping me is responsible for him going missing. They made their opinion quite clear. I think Anthony's family is pushing the issue somehow, they always hated me. God knows what they told the cops about me!"

Her eyes drop to the mug in her hands. I take hold of one and tug on it so she would stand up and I pull her toward me, making her lean against the table in front of me and rest my hands on her hips. Enjoying the sight of her in her short shorts.

"What did they ask?"

"They wanted to know everything! How did we meet? How was the relationship? Why did we break up? About the drugs, which I know nothing about except for his shitty treatment of me, by the way. When was the last time I saw him? What do I know about the 'assault!-'"

"-They don't know it was us seeing him before we got your stuff though, right?" I move trying to catch her eyes but she's doing her best to avoid the contact.

"I said I don't know anything about it. Only that he looked like hell when I went to the apartment to pick up my books. I told them he's probably just somewhere getting high." I see her bite her lower lip, then locking her eyes with mine, she whispers, "I lied to the cops Daryl! What if they find out! They did ask me to come to the station tomorrow after work. What if something really happened to him-"

"-What if it did?" I cut her off and stand up, getting her full attention.

"What do you mean?"

"How would you feel if something did happen to him?" I lean closer to her and whisper in her ear, "What If he's dead." I move back to see her reaction.

She's staring back at me as if she wasn't sure if I'm serious or not. "I- Why do you ask me that?"

"No reason, it's just a question." I plant a kiss on her forehead, caressing her legs and sides.  
A look of disbelief shows on her face. "Daryl, he was an asshole to me at the end, yes, but that doesn't mean I wish he was dead!"

"Alright, alright! Don't get pissed now, but when I saw you together, for a minute there you just seemed to be ready to kill him yourself. You never talked about him, I was just curious, that's all."

"I don't talk about him because it just feels weird to do so with you. You don't talk about your ex-girlfriends either."

"Yeah, but the reason for that is, that there simply aren't any," I say as I lift her to sit her down on the table, kissing her, I ease her legs open, step between them and deepen the kiss. I can't get enough of this, even after what we just discussed I can feel all that frustration from the day slowly leaving my body and I want more. So I push her down, laying her back on the table and start to work her shirt up when her hands suddenly snap to mine, trying to shove them away, but I already saw. _How did I miss this the other day?_ There is a huge scar on her belly, it looks like someone was trying to do a C-section on her, but changed his mind in the process and decided to gut her instead. She tries to sit up again, but I grab her by her arms and push her back down.

"Let me see." I start to lift her shirt, but she fights me on it.

"Daryl!" She stresses my name in a tone that makes me stop. I look up at her and she looks… scared. I don't like that look on her. I know all about scars, and I can guess what the problem probably is. So I lean over her, resting one hand by her head.

"It's alright." I raise my left to her face to caress her cheek. "What is it? What bothers you, me touching it? Or me seeing it?"

She squirms under me. "Neither, I guess. The scar itself doesn't bother me that much anymore. It's the questions that usually follow." 

That makes me almost smile. "I won't ask then." _Problem solved!_ I continue with the caresses for a bit and then move the hand down, over her chest to her belly. She grasps my wrist when I get to the hem of her shirt, the nervous tension is rolling off her in waves. I think she's not as okay with me seeing it as she thinks. "I got them too, you know." I try to calm her down. She gives me a puzzled look so I specify, "Scars… on my back, mostly." 

She doesn't move her hand, but she eases the grip she's got on me, so I slip my hand under her shirt. I find what I'm looking for in no time, the tissue of her scar feels so familiar, yet so very foreign, so different from mine. I follow the damaged tissue with my fingers while talking to her. "I don't share the stories behind them either. We can _not_ talk about our scars together. How's that sound?" 

It seems to work because she lets go of me and allows me to explore, this time without protest. I move a bit so I can watch the imaginary trail my fingers are leaving behind when it occurred to me that maybe this is the reason... "Is this why you wanted to go slow?" She doesn't say it, but her sudden blush is an answer enough. So yes, this is the reason or at least one of the reasons, why she didn't want to rush things.

I don't think no more. I grab her by her arms, now to lift her off the table, then drag her to my room. She trips over her own feet in surprise, but I quickly catch her and before she manages to say anything, she's on my bed with me on top, lying between her legs. I start to kiss her right away successfully silencing any potential protests. I need this. I need her, whatever she'd let me have.

She seems to come out of her initial shock after a few moments, and I can feel her hands. She raises them off the bed and put them on my sides. For a second there I thought she's going to push me off again, but she doesn't. She holds onto me for a minute and then I can feel her hands move down. She's playing with the hem of my shirt before I feel her fingers slide under it and start to explore my back, a bit hesitantly. _Right! Give and take!_ I know what she's looking for, so I let her explore, just like she had let me, never breaking the kiss I move my own hand down her body to her stomach. She reaches the first of my scars at the same time I plant my palm on her belly. I feel her fingers roam around it much like mine did around hers in the kitchen and I don't mind it, I don't mind her touching it at all. Everything slows down, the kiss is gentler, the touches lighter, it feels like unspoken understanding passed between us.

She finds the second scar, then third and so on and I can't hold still no more. I press myself to her crotch and start to grind, pushing her shirt up to get it off her. She moves her hands, taking my shirt with them, stripping it off me in the process, then she helps me with hers. The peaceful bubble we've been in seems to crack, her hands go directly for my belt and mine to her breast. Our movements turn to be more rushed, more urgent, but she doesn't seem to mind the hasty pace since she has a smile on her face. Once she gets my pants opened I kick off my boots while she's pushing them down my legs. She manages to get them to my knees, when I kneel, pull her with me and get rid of her bra. I look around, searching for something to tie her hands. I don't even think about it. It's just what I do, how I've always done it.

"What?" She asks a little out of breath. I don't want to leave the bed, I don't want to use the plastic ties on her anyway. It doesn't feel right. So I just grab my shirt and rip the bottom hem from it while she's watching me, looking perplexed. "What are you doing?" _You'll see soon enough_. I push her back down and take her wrists in my hands, still holding the strip of fabric in one of mine, I raise them above her head and start to tie them together. At that moment she fully realizes my intention and starts to struggle, trying to get free. "Wait!" she whispers. But her struggles are nothing for me, I could tie someone up in my sleep and I'm sure she'll like this. "Daryl, wait!" she says a little louder. By then I already have her wrists bound together and am about to tie them to the bedpost when she shouts, "Stop it!"

That makes me pause, she's not one to shout. Keeping the hold on her hands, I lift myself on my elbows slightly, so I can see her, now rather panicked, face. "Daryl talk to me!" _Huh? About what? I don't get it. Why is she freaking out?_ "Daryl, please!" She raises her voice, tugging to get free. 

My eyes fall on our hands. I wasn't even aware I'm still pinning her down but at the same time, I don't want to let go. She'll run if I do if the way she's struggling under me is anything to go by. I have no idea how to calm her down. I want her to trust me, I want her to see she can trust me. But it seems that ship has sailed. _What do I do, what do I do?_ I look back at her when I hear her whimper. "I wasn't gonna hurt you." I blurt out.

She stops moving and sniffs. I know I fucked up. "Yeah? It didn't feel that way! What the hell happened?" _Yeah, my thoughts exactly. What the hell happened?_

I shrug helplessly. "I like it this way." I let go of her hands and sit up. She, on the other hand, doesn't move an inch, keeping her hands on the pillow.

"What do you mean by _'this way'_?" she asks quietly, still staring up at me, it's starting to get unnerving. I want her to be smiling at me.

I sigh again. "I like to be the one who calls the shots."

"But that doesn't mean you have to act like this!"

"Like what?"

"Like this, just doing things, ignoring me when I talk to you, it's creepy, and it's scary!"

She sounds like she's about to start crying, I sigh. "I've never had to explain what I wanna do to anyone." Things went from great to shit so quickly and judging by her expression, she only now realized what I really meant when I said I've never had a girlfriend before, hookers.

"Well I'm not anyone! I thought there is something between us." She finally moves her hands and pushes them in front of my face hiding her chest with her arms in the process. "Get it off me." She doesn't sound as confident as she'd like to and when I make no immediate move to comply with her request, she adds a "please" that sounds too desperate to my liking.

I guess this is how being helpless feels. I just don't know how to handle this and frankly, I can't just keep her here like this. So I start to work on the knots, sneaking glances at her face to gauge her mood. She seems calmer but still shaken. The second the bounds are off her she sits up and tries to move away but I grab her hand, trying to keep the hold gentle. "Don't hide from me again." When she doesn't say anything, I take a page from her book. "Please." More silence, and I got what I wanted since she no longer looks at me. And I realize I prefer the unnerving staring from before to this. So I try again, the only thing that comes to me. "There is something between us, I feel better with you around. Just tell me what you want me to do to make it right."

"How about you start with letting go of me."

So I do. I slowly ease my hold on her and then let go. I expect her to run off right away, but she stays where she is, looking around her. I look too, even though I don't know what we are looking for. She then reaches for something and when I see her start to put her shirt back on, I become very aware of my own undress state, with the pants still half down my legs. So I stand and pull them up. I still have the damn hard on and it's obvious she's not gonna help me with it now. I'm not sure if I should go to her or not. She's still sitting on the bed, but she doesn't talk. Should I leave her alone? But it's my room so… I don't know. My train of thought is cut off when she starts talking, thank God, because I'm lost here.

"So you don't talk to women during sex, at all?"

"I wouldn't say _'at all'_ , I do say things-" like, _'don't talk', 'keep that mouth away from mine', 'don't move'_ , okay, not so thankful for that question. Nothing I answer to this will make this situation better. I test moving around the bed, closer to her. She's watching me but doesn't say anything nor she's moving away, she looks calm too, so I sit next to her. "-look, what I usually do isn't important here. It has nothing to do with us."

"I think it is important, and it has everything to do with us. If it didn't we wouldn't be sitting here, talking about sex, we'd be having it." Alright, my still half hard dick says she has a point. "I don't expect that much. Just talk to me when you wanna try something or do something. I'm not saying you should ask permission to do every single thing, but a little warning before you start to tie me up would be nice. Or when I ask you to wait, just put a pause on things for a moment. The point is to give me the chance to tell you if I'm okay with what you want to do."

 _Yeah, when you put it that way… I really should have given her a moment there_. I try to reach for her and when she doesn't protest I rest my hand on her thigh, making small circles with my thumb. "Alright, I will," I assure her, but then I realize... "How do I know when to ask?"

She blushes before answering. "Well, when you want to do something kinky I guess."

I snort, that wasn't much of help. "How do I know what do you find to be kinky?"

Her eyes go briefly to the strap I made from my shirt and although I thought it impossible her face turns ever redder. "Right, um… well, just tell me what you want then."

"I don't think you want to know what I want right now." I'm still horny and through all this talking the only thing I can think about is her giving me a blowjob. I just need something to loosen up, to help me relax, _some_ release after today.

"Try me." Her face is all red, but her eyes are brighter, and she's looking at me expectantly. Alright, let's give this talking thing a try. I take a deep breath before saying what's on my mind.

"What I really fucking need right now? Is for you to suck me off."

Silence … her mouth opens but nothing comes out. I sigh turning my head away. I knew this is bullshit. "No, wait." She reaches for me and turns my head back to her and leans in to kiss me, a small, brief pack on my lips. "We'll have to work on the delivery, but I'm glad you told me." She smiles a little and I let out breath I didn't even realize I've been holding.

"So you'll do it?" I rasp quietly, sliding the hand still resting on her thigh up until I get to her shorts. I start to play with the hem of it from one side to the other, every time sliding a little bit more between her legs. Her hands moved from my neck to my shoulders and her breathing speeds up a bit, getting more shallow. I slide my hand directly to her crotch and press my palm against her through her clothes moving my fingers in small circles. She's soaking wet, probably mostly from before and I feel myself getting hard again. "I'll return the favor," I whisper in her ear. It's been awhile since I've done that, but I find myself really wanting to do it to her, for her, if she says the yes I'm still waiting for.

And then, just when I got that thought, she finally moves. Straddling my lap, she slowly grinds against me and I grasp her ass with one hand pushing her firmly even closer and starts to undo my jeans with the other. I barely had the first two buttons open when her hand joins the party. She slightly slaps mine away finishing with the buttons. I put both my hands on her ass, squeezing it and sliding into her pussy from behind while she shifts so she can reach inside my pants and get hold on my dick, giving it few slow pumps.

I can't take my eyes off her hand and when I feel her start to climb off my lap I blurt out, "Wanna do it at the same time?"

That made her pause. "What?" She's looking at me like she doesn't get what I'm asking but a small smile is playing on her lips so I elaborate.

"You know, me eating you out while you'll suck me off."

She leans closer to me again, still working on my cock she whispers in my ear, "I wanna be on top for that."

I tighten my grip on her, stand up and turn to dump her on the bed with a smile of my own. "Get rid of the clothes then." I motion to her with one hand while taking my pants off.

"Again with the delivery." I hear her mutter. _What did I say now?_ But she took her shirt off and is now opening her shorts, so everything seems to be fine. The second she's naked I bury my fingers in her hair on the back of her head and pull her up to kneel on the bed. My bed is not that high but she's still eye level with my chest. Not good enough so I pull again to get her on the ground before me.

"Just for a minute, then you'll go on top," I grumble taking my cock in my hand and guide it to her mouth pushing her head at the same time. She puts her hands on my hips and I feel her resisting the movement so I ease the hold on her hair a little and wait for her to decide how she wants to do it. She glances up at me, our eyes meet for a second and with the smallest smile she looks back down, leans forward and takes me in her mouth.

I feel her tongue flat against me, her mouth tighten around me and she starts to suck while slowly bobbing her head up and down. Sucking a little more every time she goes up. It makes me tighten my grip on her hair again. Closing my eyes I hear myself letting out a low moan. This is heaven. What she's doing feels so good, the thought of fucking her mouth like I usually do in these situations doesn't even cross my mind. 

I don't think about anything else, only her sweet lips and tongue and her pussy waiting for me, all wet and ready. I let out another groan at the thought. I push her quickly back on the bed and crawl on top of her. I force her legs open with my knees and press my palm against her pussy to check if she's ready. She's wet just like I imagined. I take her wrists and pin them above her head.

She looks up at our hands and then at me. "Don't-"

"-I won't." I reassure her. Not breaking the eye contact, keeping the hold on her wrists, I slip deep into her with one hard thrust. She lets out a strangled gasp, her eyes going wide and her legs wrap tightly around my hips to keep me still when I make a move to pull out again.

"Wait! Give me a second here," she breathes out. 

So I do just that. I wait, and while I do, I check out her body. Her breasts come into my sight, they are rather small, but beautiful, and I move my free hand to play with her nipple lazily, tugging on it gently. 

After a couple of deep breaths she tries to roll her hips experimentally. "Okay, okay, I'm good," she tells me with a tiny nod. I sneak my hand between us from her breast to where we are joined. Finding her clit I push my finger firmly against it, causing her to gasp again and then I start to really move. I bend my head too and push my tongue into her mouth, kissing her deeply, mimicking the movement of my cock with it.

She's trying to keep up with the kiss but her need for oxygen forces her to turn her head to the side after some time, so I switch to kissing her neck, sucking and licking my way around it. I start to make small movements with the fingers pressed against her clit and it doesn't take too long 'till I feel her legs start to tremble around me. Her breathing speeds up even more and she start to struggle against my hold on her wrists, so I let go and move to grab her hair instead. As soon as she's free she puts her arms around me, clenching to my back, she holds on for dear life, burying her face in my neck. After few more minutes, I feel her whole body tense and then shatter around me, I fuck her through it until I feel her body go limp under me. I move back so I could look at her. She's panting, trying to calm her breathing and she looks content, a small smile playing on her lips. I pull out of her and roll her to her belly by her hip.

"Come on, keep up with me for a little while longer," I murmur as I position her. Leaving her chest on the bed, I pull her ass up in the air, easing her knees apart. It usually doesn't take me so long to get off, but then again, I'm usually not making an effort to keep myself in check either. Not that I'm really complaining, because she does feel good. I see her grip the sheets tightly to brace herself as I push back inside her and start at a pace a bit faster and harder than before. I close my eyes and let myself to get lost in this feeling. I didn't give her enough time to recover and she doesn't even try to meet my thrust now. She's keeping herself still, but only my hands grasping her hips are keeping her up now. She's making delicious little noises and I almost don't want it to end but at the same time, I can't wait to come inside her. I don't think I've ever felt like this while fucking someone when suddenly, I feel her tense up again. Soon after, her pussy start to clench around me, and I hear her mumbling something I can't understand, and then she goes _completely_ limp, not even holding the sheets anymore. She's just lying there, panting. So I let go of her hips to bend over her, putting one hand next to her head and with the other I move some hair from her face and then taking a firm hold on it, moving a bit slower inside her.

When I hear her whimper, I whisper in her ear, "Come on, darling, I'm almost there." It takes a few seconds but eventually I see her grasp the sheets again and push herself up on her hands and knees. "That's my girl," I praise her as I move with her, caressing her back. I keep the hold on her hair, tugging on it a little, gripping her hip with the other hand and I start with the pace I like. I hear Lumen whimpering here and there, but she's taking it like a champ. My sweet Lumen. Once more I'm getting lost in the feeling I get only from being near her when I feel the tale telling tingling and then with a low groan I'm coming too. I make few more deep thrust and then stay still for a moment before pulling out and the moment I let go of Lumen, she collapses down. I lie next to her on my back and close my eyes, breathing out a satisfied sigh. _Yes, this is exactly what I needed._ I hear her moving around and moments after I feel her press against my side, laying her head on my chest.

"What happened with the sixty-nine I've been promised?" she asks slowly, quietly, making me chuckle.

"Couldn't wait. We can do it now if you give me a minute." I crack an eye open to see her reaction.

"Um… maybe later… or some other time, I think you wore me out for tonight." She bites her lower lip. "You know, you could go easy on me, at the beginning at least. I'm not sure I'll be able to sit down."

"I didn't hear any complaints." I look down at her, lifting my head a bit to see her better. _Did I fuck up something again?_

"No, I'm not complaining. Just saying, that next time, we could try it my way?" She turns it in a question. And why the hell not try it slow for once. I'm pretty sure any way she lets me have her will be better than anything I got so far from hookers. This one certainly was.

"Alright." I kiss her forehead. "I'm hungry. Let's eat something."

She laughs to that. "Men! I can't move, can't you bring me something?" She lifts her head and smiles sweetly, fluttering her eyelashes at me.

I snort. "Good try," I say, giving her sharp slap on her ass. "Get up and come with me. There will be no eating in my bed unless it's me eating you out!"

Her face goes completely red and she hides it in her hand while she starts to get up. _How can she still blush after what we just done?_ I've got my pants on and buckled before she manages to get up from the bed. She's searching for her clothes for a moment and when she finds it, she sits back down on the bed to put it back on.

"I've never been in your room before," she states while looking around, "It's clean, I thought all guys were messy."

"You thought wrong. Come on, let's eat." I take hold on her arm and pull her with me. She sneaks her other arm around me and pulls me closer.

"Hey, Daryl?" I turn to her, raising eyebrows in silent question. "I really liked it. It was great."

"I could tell." I bend to give her a kiss. "Was great for me too. You can always join me for a shower after dinner if you'll be in the mood for some more." I wink at her and she giggles, actually giggles, making me roll my eyes.

Just as we enter the kitchen I hear Merle's bike.

I'm glad he didn't come fifteen minutes ago.


	7. Chapter 7

I listen to Merle parking his bike outside and sigh in annoyance. I was kinda warming up to that shower time idea. Well, I can always hope he'll just eat and then leave soon after. I turn to Lumen to ask what are we going to eat for dinner only to see her standing frozen in the doorway to my room, staring at the front door like deer in headlights. Sure, I know she hasn't really seen Merle since their little rape argument, she has nothing to worry about though. He probably forgot all about it right after he left that day. If he held a grudge against every person who insults him, he'd be as pissed as I am all the time, which he's not. I'm about to tell her but just as I open my mouth, Merle knocks on the door and as always burst right in. Only today he's looking like a man on a mission. He points his forefinger at Lumen.

"You-" but he doesn't finish, seeing the state we are in, he stops in his tracks and does a double take. "-Did you two just fuck?" Momentarily dismissing what he was about to say, a big wicked smile spreads on his face. "Would you care for a comparison between him and the bigger Dixon?" Raising his eyebrow up and down suggestively he starts in our direction.

"Oh God!" I hear Lumen whisper, as she tries to hurry past me to her room. At that Merle's grin disappears as quickly as it came and he grabs her arm before she manages to run off.

"Oh no, you don't. We need to have a little talk. Come on, sweetheart!" he says dragging her to the table. _What the hell?_ I move to step in, but Merle raises his arm, palm up. "You'll wanna hear this baby brother, trust me." His face turns even more serious which makes me pause. Something's off. I see Lumen's confused eyes jumping between me and Merle, eventually stopping on him.

"Look, I'm sorry about last time, okay? What I said, I really didn't mean to offend-"

"-No, no! I'm not here to talk about that. That's settled and forgotten." He cuts in, pushing her down to sit on one of the chairs and settle himself on the other one in front of her, his hand sliding from her arm down to pat the back of her hand. "What I'm much more interested in is what you talked to the cops about, for them to visit me at work." She tries to move her hand away from his but his fingers close around her wrist tightly. _Okay, this is not necessary!_

"Merle, come on! She's cool, she told me about the cops the minute I walked in. Of course, they talked to her. It's her ex who's missing, you told me yourself they'll have questions." I move to stay behind Lumen. It was meant as a supporting gesture, but it seems to have no calming effect on her whatsoever.

Glancing at me Merle let go of her, showing his palm in placating gesture but doesn't move completely away, his face staying stern. "I'm not doing anything. We are all good here. I'm not saying anything about the cops questioning her either, I'm just wondering how they figured they should talk to me in particular. Any ideas, sweetheart? Maybe something about how your ex got his pretty face messed up, huh? No?" When he gets no reaction he continues. "I'll help you out, they say some good citizen tipped them off. Told them about seeing me beating the guy, having two other men with me. And the funny thing is, there are only five people who knew that for sure, and I can guarantee there are four of us without any reason to talk to the cops about it, or anything else. Guess who's the fifth?!"

She turns to look at me, panic all over her face. "No! I told you I didn't say anything. I told them I know nothing about what happened to Anthony!" She tries to stand up but I grab her shoulders and push her back down. I did it unconsciously, out of reflex more than to really stop her, as I'm kinda unfocused and trying to make sense of all this in my head. But it's too late now. I hear a sharp "No!" and look down to realize where my hands are. _Fuck! I did it again._ The situation is out of control before I have a chance to explain, do, or say anything at all. She starts to fight the hold I got on her, Merle quickly catches her legs between his knees and grabs her hands effectively pacifying her. She doesn't stop her attempts to free herself, between me and my brother she doesn't stand a chance though.

"Easy now, we're just talking here," Merle rasps, and I feel her start to shake under my hands and I make up my mind. This is bullshit. I know that if there was a chance she is a threat to us we'd needed to take care of it, but she's not. I trust Merle's guts, so if he thinks there is something going on, there most likely is. But not with Lumen, she wouldn't just sit here and lie to our faces. I tap one of Merle's arms to get his attention.

"Let go of her." I tell him firmly. He opens his mouth to argue but I don't let him. "This is going fucking nowhere. She didn't do anything. Why would she rat you out and then come back here? It makes no fucking sense." I pry his hands away and push him out of his seat, further away. Crouching in front of her I can now see Lumen's eyes filled up with angry tears, never leaving Merle. 

I try to get her focus on me, which is kinda hard as Merle hisses from behind me. "Oh really, and how can you be sure."

"Because I don't talk to the cops, period," she cries out, "Those morons never helped me with anything, so they can go to hell, and you too for all I care." She stands up and this time no one stops her. "You know, I am aware that there is a filter missing between your brain and your mouth, but this was beyond missing filters. Even if I didn't loathe them as much as I do, you think I would go and betray the only people who helped me here? Well, think again! Of course, you'd know that, if you took the time to ask me in a way that doesn't scream 'I'm gonna fuck you up if you look at me funny'. Which you didn't. You don't know me, you don't know anything about me so you can take all of your accusations and shove them up your ass!" After that, she storms off to her room and slams the door behind her.

"Thank you very much, you asshole!" I sneer at Merle while looking at Lumen's door that hasn't been closed for the past three days. I liked it that way. A few moments later I hear a second door slamming, her bathroom. There is no way she'll be washing my back tonight… And just like that, I'm pissed again. It's like every time I make a progress with her Merle comes and stomps all over it. "The hell was that?! You can't just bust in here like this whenever you feel like it! You can't just throw accusations at her either." I'm trying to keep my voice down, but my annoyance with him is starting to get the better of me.

"What the hell? I come here like this since ever! And today I got a very good reason for it too. She's the one overreacting all the damn time. It was a simple question," he argues while pointing in the general direction of the part of the house she has run to hide.

"You don't fucking live here, she does! And I'd like to keep it that way. That wasn't simply asking a question! I like having her here so cut this shit."

"I bet you do! Got a free pussy out of it and all," Merle chortle.

"Fuck you!" I charge him then, but although I can handle myself very well, he's stronger, always has been and he has a training I don't, so I end up pinned against the wall. He leans closer and hisses in my face.

"Calm the fuck down!" I try to shake him off, but when it doesn't work I resort to a glare. "I know there is something about her you like. Knew it from the very first moment I met her and saw you running after her like a lost puppy when she stormed off." 

_The fuck?_ I try to shove him away again, I almost succeed too, but he regains his composure quickly and pins me back to the wall. His eyes flick to Lumen’s room before he continues quietly. "I'm not trying to piss you off here! I'm trying to tell you, that you have to be smart about this, think before you do things. You gotta be more in control. I know she's special to you. I don't know why, and that's all fine because I don't give a shit as long as everything stays cool. But right now things aren't cool."

"Yeah and who's fault is that huh? She didn't fucking talk to the cops, she doesn't fucking even know anything to tell them to begin with. If you'd talk to me first, we could have avoided all of this shit."

He gives me pointed look. "I know you are this close to snapping all the damn time, and if you're gonna fight everyone who says something about your girl there, what do you think will happen? Sooner or later shit happens and _bam_ your fingerprints are in the system before you say 'fuck'! I can't be everywhere and even if I was, there is only so many times I'm taking the blame for you!" He pauses with a sigh. "Look, if you are sure she's good then okay, we'll look for another explanation. I've been nice to her, right? I'll be nice now, and I'll continue as long as you'll want her but I need you to work with me. And I need you to get her to work with us. We need to find out who's trying to make trouble for us and why," he finishes and let go of me.

This time I stay put. He's right. It's frustrating that he seems to be always right about these things. He did get arrested in my place few times, to keep me out of trouble and out of the system. He did time years back too, to have my back. He got more time for drugs he had on him and didn't get rid off. But the initial thing the cops were called for was my doing. I know that. But still...

"Yeah, well maybe if you didn't do shit like this I wouldn't be pissed that much all the damn time in the first place!" There is a moment of silence, then Merle starts to laugh and doesn't stop for awhile. Maybe he's on something, that would explain a lot.

"Right!" He takes a deep breath to calm down from his outburst. "I'm the problem here! Without me, you'd be cool as a cucumber!" _Yeah, I'm full of shit and we both know it. Damn it!_

"What do you want me to do then? You know how I am, I can't help it."

"You just try to keep in mind what I told you, and call the princess back."

"Why?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at him. His expression turns more serious again.

"For Christ's sake! What did I just say?! Just go get her." He turns from me and opens the fridge, searching for food or a beer, I don't know, I don't care. Shaking his head he's muttering something but I can't understand what exactly.

I watch him for a moment. I need a minute to process this. How can he expect me to be more in control? I hardly ever feel like I am in control, just holding back, keeping quiet and waiting for the right time and place to do what I want. I don't understand why I get so angry so easily, I never have. I don't have a clue why the snooty bastards make my blood boil or why I feel so good after killing them. Or why lately the only moments I feel comfortable in my own skin are the moments I'm with Lumen.

Now it seems I'm not only getting pissed at people for saying shit to me, but for saying shit to Lumen too. It's like she's making it better and worse at the same time. Making me calmer when I'm with her but more angry and frustrated when I'm not.

Maybe I just need to let out some steam in another way than fucking. It never really worked for me as a substitute anyway. It's been nagging me at the back of my mind for awhile and I just know it, I know I'll be better afterward, I just need to see something to die. I think Merle knows that too, but as usual, he's trying to pretend as if that wasn't the real problem.

I push myself off the wall and turn to go fetch her. I knock on her door, no answer. Well, we just fucked, there isn't anything I haven't seen already anyway. So I open the door and walk in, shutting them behind me. The room is empty and now I can hear the water. I walk to the bathroom door, grab the handle and call out "I'm coming in" before entering.

I find her sitting on the closed toilet seat, wearing a bathrobe, her hair wet. She's obviously done with her shower but the water is still running, so I shut it off. She's watching me but otherwise, doesn't move save for her nervously tapping foot. I crouch down in front of her and still the moving leg with my hand. I move my head to catch her eyes trying to guess her mood. Her pupils are big, eyes wide but I can't tell the emotion behind them.

"Hey, you know he's just talking shit, right? He always does, it doesn't mean anything, he doesn't actually think you did it. He just came here hot headed." I rub her leg up and down.

Her hand finds mine on her thigh, gripping it tightly. "Yeah." Still looking in her eyes I lift my other hand to rest it on the nape of her neck. I don't think I really did anything wrong, but I still feel relieved that she's talking to me. I wanna keep her going so I say so as I start to caress her with my thumb through her hair.

"Go on, what's on your mind?"

She takes a deep breath and lets it out. "You know, I actually understand why he's so agitated about it. There is a person missing, so of course, he doesn't want to be connected to it in any way. That's why I lied to the cops about it in a first place. But the way he came on me, it was out of nowhere. He could just ask you know, like really ask, not make me feel like he's about to pull my fingernails out." She looks like she has more to say, but in the end decided to keep it to herself.

"I know and I told him as much. What else?" Looking down at our entangled hands, she clears her throat before speaking.

"Well, there is this other thing I just have a hard time to get used to."

"What?" I press on.

"Him, saying these weird things and innuendos every time I see him. I have a hard time taking it as a joke because I just don't find it funny. And to be honest I don't believe he's really joking half the time." She whispers the last part as if he could magically hear her from the kitchen.

"He is joking. At least where you are concerned, he is. I think he actually has a soft spot for you. I know after today it can come hard to believe, but trust me, you'd feel it if he hadn't. You won't see him nursing any other drunken girls without the prospect of fucking, that's for sure." She makes a face but doesn't comment on that.

"So what do I do? I'm clueless here."

"Do what I do, tell him to go fuck himself and pretend that he never said anything." She shakes her head but before she has a chance to object I add. "Or just stick with the pretending, I'll take care of the rest. Now come on, get dressed, we need figure what to do about the other thing." I stand up and tug on her hand to get her to move too, but she doesn't budge.

"I don't wanna. Can't you just tell him I'm tired and that we can talk some other time?" she asks while fluttering her eyelashes at me in the same way she did before, in my room. She's trying to laugh it off, but I can tell she's just nervous so I squad back down.

"You'll have to talk to him eventually. Come on, he's not that bad. He's my brother, he's my blood and he's always been there to look after me. He knows I like you, he likes you too, he said so himself. So don't worry 'bout a thing, it's all good. I'll go to find something for all of us to eat. You go get dressed and then join us, okay?"

She seems to mull it over for a few moments and eventually nods. "I'm probably making it worse in my head than it is. I do tend to do that sometimes."

I lean in to kiss her. "I've noticed, well not everybody can be as awesome as me." I quickly dodge her hand as she attempts to slap my shoulder.

"Hey!" she shouts through the laugh erupting from her. I quickly grab the hand with which she wanted to slap me and slide the other one between her legs while leaning close to her whispering in her ear.

"What? I got the impression you liked the cocky me." She jumps in surprise and with her free hand tries to pry mine from her.

"I did, I do, I just… Daryl! Your brother is in the next room, stop it!" she whisper-shouts. I stay still for a moment just watching her, glad to see it work as she seems to crack out of her bubble of nervousness.

"Alright, alright." I let go of her hand and wait for her to let go of mine before I stand up. "I'll be in the kitchen then?" I ask raising an eyebrow at her.

"Yes, I'll be there in a minute."

"That's my girl," I praise her and give her a peck on her forehead before leaving the bathroom.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I don't say anything when I get back to the kitchen. It's pointless to say more than what has been said. Merle is Merle, Lumen will just have to get used to him and all will be good. He's nursing a beer, smoking, oddly enough being quiet for once. Maybe he realized he overdone it this time. When she finally comes out, she looks determined but I can see right through it, she's not as calm as she tries to look. Her eyes search the room, finding first me, then Merle who welcomes her with a big smile.

"Well hello again. I was starting to worry you'd drawn back there." Her steps falter and her eyes go briefly back to me, I smile and motion for her to move while Merle continues, "Come on now, you know I don't bite."

"Come on, help me with the food." I motion for her to go to me again.

We prepared some leftovers from the weekend and now we're all eating in silence. It's actually funny, I think it's the first time in my life I see Merle be hesitant to start a conversation.

"Alright, I might come off a bit too harsh earlier. But you get it, right sweetheart? One can never be too careful."

"Is that suppose to be an apology for manhandling me earlier?" She looks at him in disbelieve.

"No, it's me explaining to you that you better be telling us the truth."

"I am!" She glares at him.

"Then we're good." He winks at her and pushes his empty plate away. "So, since it wasn't you, and it certainly wasn't us or Oscar or Clyde for that matter, I need to know, did you talk about this with anybody? A good friend at work, or at school, fucking dog on the road, _anybody_?"

She's shaking her head through the list. "No, I told you, I don't really have friends here, or anywhere really. All the people I use to see outside of my work and school where Anthony's friends. I'm not much of a social butterfly. I actually don't like people that much." Her eyes find me for a moment and she smiles at me. "That's one of the reasons I like living here so much." She pointedly looks back at Merle. " _Usually_ no one bothers me here!"

I let out a snort. "I think it's obvious she's not the problem here. What about you Merle, you didn't brag about it somewhere, huh?"

"Please, like there was something to brag about, the guy was such a pussy it would be embarrassing to even mention it."

"Okay then, it leaves the only other option and that is someone did actually see us. Fuck!"

"Hey guys, but if someone saw you and went to the police. How come they didn't take you to the station? Anthony's missing, it's serious," Lumen asks, looking between us.

Merle looks at her with a surprised expression. "You know what, doll? You are absolutely right. That someone didn't tell them personally if he did they'd have an eye witness and I'd be behind the bars now. So they don't have shit on us, only some accusation. We just stick with _'no, we have no idea what happened to the prick and how'_ and we are cool."

I cut in. "We should let Oscar know what's going on. Just in case. They asked Lumen to come to the station tomorrow after work. So I could pick her up and we'll tell Oscar to meet us at your house after that?" I look at Merle for confirmation.

"Sounds cool." He gives me a nod. "You sweetheart just be your wonderful you and don't let them intimidate you. They'll possibly be telling you some shit 'bout us to make you tell them things, don't pay them no mind."

"Don't you worry about me. You won't see me work with those assholes," she says as she stands to clean the plates from the table.

Merle sends me a questioning look. I have nothing to say about it so I shrug. I don't know what her problem with the police is, in any case, I see it as a virtue.

"Alright kids. Thanks for the dinner, but I have to go. Got some shit to do. See you tomorrow." And with that, hurricane Merle is off.

I turn to Lumen and watch her washing the few dishes. She looks so natural in my home like she's been here since ever. It's weird and amazing at the same time. I stand up and walk behind her. I kiss her shoulder, while I let my hands wander along her sides and back.

"So, what's up with you and the cops?" I feel her tense up under me. She washes the last plate, then turns in my arms and starts to play with my shirt, not saying anything for a few moments but then she looks up, the decision has been made.

"You know the scar on my stomach? If the police did their work as they should, I wouldn't have it. If they did their work, my dad would still be alive. So in my opinion, whatever happened to Anthony, telling them anything at all won't change it. The only thing they can do is giving tickets for speeding. Which is really sad considering they should be the ones protecting us." 

Huh, interesting. So there is more to the story. But I promised I won't ask about the scar, so I won't. "Alright, how about I take a quick shower, _you_ go wait for me in my bed and we call it a night. I'm beat. Unless you wanna wash my back." I give her side smile. I must have done the right thing to leave the topic because she smiles back.

"I'd love to, but not tonight, I'm exhausted too."

When I come back to my bedroom, she's already asleep. So I just lie beside her, listening to her quiet breathing and not long after I'm oblivious to the world too.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Next afternoon I'm sitting in my truck not far from the station, waiting for Lumen. I haven't seen her the whole day. She was up and gone before I woke up. I called Oscar and told him to come to a BBQ at Merle's, not wanting to mention the real reason over the phone. He caught up quickly enough and agreed to be there tonight. The questioning takes longer than I expected, but finally, I see her moving towards me.

"You good?" I ask her after she gets in.

"Yeah, just tired, they had a lot to say." She does look tired. I throw away my almost finished smoke and start the truck.

"Let's go to Merle's, we'll talk about it there.''

I can see Oscar leaning against a car in front of Merle's house when I park in the driveway. Lumen is first to greet him. "Hi, Oscar. How're you doing?"

"I've been better." He then turns to me. "Wanna tell me what is it that you can't tell me over the phone so I had to drag my ass all the way here?"

"Sure, let's just go inside. Why are you waiting out here anyway?"

"What? You think I should wait inside and have some _colorful_ conversation with your brother? No, thank you very much."

"Fair enough." I grunt and lead the way to the front door.

As we're nearing the house I can hear some noises from inside. I turn to the two behind me. "You hear that?" But before they say anything I'm already opening the door. "Merle?" I hiss, there is no answer just a muffled sounds from the back.

"Stay here," I say to Lumen and motion for Oscar to follow. "Come on." 

He doesn't look happy about it but follows nevertheless. We go inside and continue slowly, quietly through the hallway. The sounds get louder and when we reach the living room Oscar makes a U-turn and storms out. Shit! Why me? I didn't need to see this." I hear him shouting on his way.

There is Merle with a woman bend over the back of the couch, with Merle holding her down ramming into her from behind. He's wearing plastic gloves and I don't even wanna try to figure why he needs them. The woman is no college student, she has hooker written all over and she doesn't have a happy expression at all as she's trying to hold on something but is only knocking down the empty beer bottles which are all around the place. She looks up at Oscar's outburst and screams in fright when she sees me watching, but Merle doesn't care at all about the audience, he doesn't even slow down. It's not the first time I walked on Merle like that and to be honest, after all the years it doesn't phase me anymore.

"Hurry the fuck up, we have shit to do!" Rolling my eyes, I turn to leave the room and stroll to join Lumen and Oscar outside where I see him rubbing his eyes like that would erase the image from his brain.

"What's going on?" Lumen asks with a worried expression. 

I'm about to tell her but Oscar beats me to it. "You don't wanna know, believe me."

Just then a groan and then a woman's shriek can be heard from inside and a few moments later the hooker hurries out of the house. She pauses when she sees Lumen though. "Hey honey, don't! With this, the money ain't worth it!" and she's off.

"What?" Lumen asks, looking somewhat between shocked, confused and worried.

Merle steps out at that moment, fastening his belt. "Well, that was one shitty fuck, one would think all hookers have some talent. Not this one, fucking dyke. There should be a law against beaver munchers being whores."

" _Prostitution_ is illegal you moron!" Oscar cries out.

"Whatever, come on in."

Inside Lumen looks around and when she decides to go sit on the couch Oscar quickly taps her shoulder and shakes his head at her. She looks the couch over again but then the realization cross her face. "Eww."

"What? A man has his needs!" Merle calls from the kitchen.

I drag a bar stool over for her. "Sit on this." I point to the seat while Oscar shouts back at Merle.

"And your needs couldn't possibly wait until after we leave?"

Merle comes back, two beers in each hand. "Hey, no nigger won't be telling me when I'm allowed to fuck."

"Fuck this shit, I'm outta here!"

"Alright, everybody stop!" I shout, "Merle, you shut your mouth, I think you fucked up enough for this week. Oscar, you sit down. You need to hear this."

Oscar is fuming but eventually, he turns back, snatches a beer out of Merle's hand and makes a 'go on' gesture for me to explain. And I do. I tell him about Lumen's ex going missing and all that happened since then. Lumen steps in at the end to let us in on what happened at the station.

"You were right, they just asked me over and over the same questions. About Anthony about what do I know about the 'assault!' I told them over and over I don't know anything about it. They then asked about my new address about who I live with, but they knew that already, because just as you said yesterday, Merle, they started talking about your _'criminal record'_ , their words, not mine. About you being in jail, several times, for drugs, for assaults too. That you were dishonorably discharged? They said they are telling me only to warn me about the people I associate with, to help me. Like that would fool me. Then they started again with _'you don't look that concerned about your ex-boyfriend missing, miss'_ and if there was bad blood between us. I told them everybody deals differently. I know what they've been doing. Trying to get a motive out of me."

Merle claps her on the back. "You did good, sweetheart. This just confirms what we thought, that they got nothing on us. But it does also mean that someone saw us and that someone is just letting us know that. He doesn't want the cops to really get to us, which is actually more disturbing. So everyone, keep your eyes open for anything unusual."

"Fuck," Oscar swears and it's the only thing anyone says for a while.


	8. Chapter 8

The way home was quiet. I'm thinking about everything and I have to wonder if the rat couldn't be someone who Merle pissed off. He or she did mention only him to the cops, not me, not Oscar, only Merle. The cops didn't even know specifics like 'a black guy and a white guy were with him'. Maybe it's some kind of warning, but from who? I didn't want to bring it up before, in case Merle actually did have some enemies he'd think could be behind this. I'll talk to him about it tomorrow. I'm positive he wouldn't want to discuss it in front of Oscar and Lumen.

And speaking of Lumen, I am also kinda curious about the story behind her hate for the cops now. But it's linked to her scar and I more or less promised I wouldn't ask about it. So I'm not sure how to go about it and not break that promise. I sneak a glance her way and see her deep in thoughts of her own. She didn't say a word during the whole trip either.

"Do we have something to eat at the house?" I rasp quietly, my throat is dry, but it successfully broke her out of her musing.

"What?"

"I asked if there is something to eat at home, or do we need to stop somewhere. We'll be passing the last fast food place in a minute."

"Oh, right! No, I don't think there is. I didn't have time to go grocery shopping so the leftovers we ate yesterday were the last we had, I think."

"Alright, I'll stop there then." 

She just gives me a nod and turns back to the window. I won't be saying some shit about this whole thing ending alright, I'm on edge because of this situation too. No one likes to have pigs sniffing around.

We are driving into the parking lot soon after. It's after dinner time but the diner is quite full of people. Ugh, I am in no mood to be around anyone. I fish some bills and thrust them into Lumen's hand, she looks down at it, a bit perplexed so I clarify.

"I'll wait here, wanna smoke. I'll have whatever you are having as long as it's not something full of green leaves."

"Men!" she mutters but takes the money before leaving the car with a small smile on her face. I'm pretty sure that was the first smile I saw on her since Merle's yesterday visit. And I think I know exactly how to cheer her up, and myself for that matter.

I get out and let the door open to let some air inside the cabin, it's getting darker, the sun went down and the temperature is finally somewhat tolerable, so I light a smoke outside and wait.  


She doesn't take as long as I thought she would. She's not far from me when I hear yelling.

"Hey! Hey, Lumen! Wait up!" I look past her and see a short brunette jogging between other cars after her. Lumen glances behind her too and when she sees who it is she turns back with a tense small smile. She quickly closes what's left from the distance between us and hands me the bags.

"Could you put this inside, I'll just say hi." And without waiting for my response she goes to greet the girl. I look down at the bags and for some reason, the words lost puppy pop out in my head. I shake it, no, being decent to my girl doesn't mean I'm some lost puppy. I hear her call out, "Oh hey, Emma, I didn't see you inside," as I turn to do just as she asked.

I sit in the truck and wait for her. I can see them from my seat and it looks like it'll take awhile because the brunette keeps talking, she goes on and on, so I look inside the bags and pick the bigger burger. I didn't realize how hungry I am until I smelled the food. I wolf it down in a matter of minutes, wait for a few more and then decide to go fetch her. Not that I mind her talking to people, I just want to go home already. I get out again and walk to them. The other girl is still talking but as she sees me approach she stops with a startled expression on her face.

"Um, Lumen, I think we should go somewhere else."

"What? Why?" Lumen asks and looks around, searching for what made the other girl so nervous only to find me.

"Oh! It's okay, that's my-" and she stops and looks at me again like she's asking for help, but with what? When I don't say anything she finishes. "-Daryl. I mean, that's Daryl, we live together now." That information doesn't seem to settle the girl at all. She keeps giving me worried glances while whispering to Lumen like I couldn't hear it from this distance.

"Like _together_ together? Are you sure that's a good idea? Honey, I know you must be devastated after what happened with Anthony, but this guy?"

"Hey, you stupid bitch. I can hear you so-" But Lumen cuts me off.

"-You know what, Emma? I don't see how, where or with who I live with is any of your business. You don't know shit about what happened with Anthony either, safe for some bullshit gossips, so don't tell me how I do or don't feel about it. I'll talk to you about _the paper_ tomorrow at _school_. We're leaving!" She grabs my shirt and starts to drag me to the truck. I glance back to see the girl staring at us, her mouth opening and closing like a fish. Damn! I bet she'd look exactly the same while choking. I would wipe that dumb look right off.

When I check again after starting the truck she's gone. What are the chances someone would link it to me through Lumen if the bitch disappears? I glance at Lumen as we leave the parking lot and get on the road again.

"Friend of yours?" I ask.

"Did it seem to you like she's my friend?" She starts, sounding a bit pissed but when she sees my smirk she calms down, clearing her throat she continues. "Sadly I do need to talk to people at school at times. We do have these projects here and there which we have to do in groups or in pairs. Well, she's my other half for this semester. I don't like her much but, you know, I have to work with her if I wanna get a decent evaluation." She sighs and starts with her food, popping some fries in her mouth.

"Can't you get another partner?"

"Not this close to the exams. She was okay at first but then, well you heard, she's too dumb and nosy for my taste. I have a hard time to get her to shut up and get on with the work we have. Honestly, I think I'd be better off on my own." She talks between her bites. She manages to talk and eat and not to look like a pig. I wish Merle could do that.

"Really, how come?"

"Well obviously because the time she's talking about bullshit that I don't give a crap about I could work on the paper, it's not like she's that much of a help."

"Hmm." I leave the conversation at that, there would be more complications from this than I need right now anyway. I'll have to find someone else, _again_.

After few more minutes I'm pulling over in front of our house. When we enter Lumen turns to her room. _Oh no, no, no, no_. I grab her arm and pull her to me until her whole front is nicely pressed against me. I bend down a bit and murmur.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I just wanted-"

"-I wanna fuck, how about you?" I ask while squeezing her ass with my other hand pushing her even closer to me, letting her feel I'm more than ready to go. But she's not apparently because she presses her hands against my chest trying to make some room between us. I lean back to see her face. She's blushing but keeping eye contact. "What?"

"Umm, well, it's not that I don't want to." I see her gulp. "I'm just a bit sore after yesterday, so, maybe you could… we could go slowly this time. You know, more gently?"

She got me lost at slowly, how the fuck do you fuck slowly? You either fuck or you don't. I could try for her I guess, but for the gentle part? I don't even know how to start trying with that one. I never really thought about it, I never had to be. The two words 'fucking' and 'gently' don't fall into the same category where I am concerned. And she's still looking at me expectantly, waiting for what exactly? In the end, it's her who breaks the silence.

"What? You're looking at me as if I grew a second head. " _Yeah, I think that one is more likely to happen_. "Come on. Tell me what are you thinking so hard about?" Well if she wanna know.

"I'm thinking I won't like that. I've never even tried to be gentle because it's not the way I like to do it. You were here yesterday. You know how I like it. I know how I like it. You got off alright, more than once, so why change it?"

"Look." She stops to think about it for a moment. "Okay, I get it, this isn't really your thing, but it's mine. As much as I enjoyed yesterday, I like gentle lazy sex once in awhile. We did it your way, let me show you my way now."

First thing that came to my mind is _'what does it matter what her thing is?'_ , when I realized that it actually does matter to me. I want her to enjoy herself with me. I want her to come to my bed willing and happy and to leave it as satisfied as me. So, I guess it won't kill me to try something different for once.

"Alright, what do you want me to do then?" Her face lights up as soon as I say that. She starts to push me toward my room, with the biggest smile I saw on her so far.

"You don't have to do a thing, you just lie down and enjoy." One of her hands slides up over my shoulder and behind my neck and she uses it as a leverage to pull herself up for a kiss. No, not a kiss, she gives me few small pecks before licking my lower lip with the tip of her tongue. I bend to kiss her properly but she moves away and pushes me down on my bed. I sit down, but when she pushes some more for me to lie down I don't budge. I can't explain it, but I just don't want to be lying with her standing over me. She gives me a questioning look but I only shake my head 'no'. She doesn't let it discourage her though. She takes a step back and with a, "Okay, I'll go first." she starts to work on her clothes until she's completely naked in front of me.

That little striptease was enough to make me hard and to set my mind on the right track. I reach for her, grabbing her hips I pull her to me and before I really think about what I'm doing I'm biting her right tit. Her hands shot up to grasp my hair and I hear her suck in her breath sharply. It wakes me up from my horny daze and I realize that this probably wasn't what she had in mind when she talked about gentle sex, crap. When I look up I see her eyes are wide but she's sporting an amused smile, she looks gorgeous. I move my hand to the place I just bit and massage it to ease any pain she might feel. It wasn't as harsh as to break the skin but there is a red and even little blue imprint visible.

"I didn't mean to... you go on."

"You sure?" I nod impatiently. That's what I just said, isn't it? "Okay, will you lie down so I can strip your clothes off?" I nod again and she pushes me down on my back and this time I let her.

She takes my shirt off, leaving kisses all over my chest, giving extra attention to every scar she finds there, then my shoulders, my neck, my stomach and now she's _finally_ getting to my pants. This is taking forever. I know I told her, she could have it her way tonight, but this is just ridiculous. The only reason my dick is still hard is because I have a nice view of her naked body and because I've been playing with her tits the whole time she's been fooling around with her mouth. Well now at last her mouth's taking the right direction. When my pants are off, she kneels between my legs and I can feel her tongue making a path from my balls over the length of my dick, I let out a loud satisfied groan and quickly grab her hair. After all this teasing I deserve a proper blowjob!

"Come on, give it a good suck!" I tell her a bit harshly and I'm not at all sorry for it, my self-control is wearing thin. But despite my tone she does just that, she takes a hold of me with one hand, where is the other one I have no idea, she takes me deep in her mouth and sucks, making me moan loudly with pleasure. I can feel more than hear her moan around me too, then she makes a move as if to bob her head, and for a brief moment, just for a second, I'm tempted to tighten my grasp on her and push her down, choke her on me just a little. But I get hold of myself quickly and don't do it. I can't do it to her, not like this. I let go with one hand and prop up on my elbow so I could watch her sucking me off, and now I can see where her other hand is. She's working on her pussy. I can't see what she's doing exactly, but the thought makes me even hornier. I waited too long as it is, so I tug at her hair slightly, to get her attention. When her eyes meet mine I ask.

"You ready?" She doesn't answer. Instead, she let my cock slip from her lips and crawls up on my lap, straddling me. Her hand goes back to my dick to line it up with her pussy. She's looking down at us but when my fingers squeeze her hips and I try to force her down on me, she stops and whispers.

"Let me do it, okay?"

I nod, but then I realize she doesn't see me, so I just loosen my hold on her with a quiet, "Alright. Go on then." I don't wanna push but if she won't be on my dick in five seconds I'm just gonna throw her on the bed and fuck her senseless, my way! But just then she eases herself down onto me. Not all the way, just a few inches, then she goes back up and then down again. She repeats the movements until I'm completely in her. She stays still for a moment and then starts to move her hips painfully slowly. I let myself fully fall on the bed to have some leverage, I put my hands on her thighs and start thrusting against her from below. I watch her moving above me and she really seems to be having a good time. She's rocking her hips while playing with her nipples with one hand and working her clit with the other. Very nice view, I have to say, this slow fucking has its ups.

After few more minutes her breathing gets more heavy, louder, I feel her tensing around me as her orgasm starts and then she does something I didn't expect at all. She slides her hand from her tit up to her throat and with a moan she closes her fingers around it, making my hips to jerk and my control to snap. I grab her and roll us over for me to be on top. I push her legs more open and then I push back inside her. I lift one of her knees and slung her leg over my arm so I could get deeper, feeling I'm gonna come soon. She's still in her postorgasmic bliss and doesn't seem to mind the change at all. Her eyes are closed and she's moaning softly. I don't think she's even paying much attention to what I'm doing with her. Her hand slipped from her neck when I moved her though, so I let go of her leg and close my own fingers lightly around it. And as soon as I do, I'm coming too.

When I'm finished I move off her, landing beside her. She turns her head to look at me, triumphant smile on her face.

"So? Wasn't that bad, huh?"

"Nope." But that's all the answer she gets. Most of the time I just wanted to pin her down and start with the fucking already and the one thing that got me off was the one thing I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate if I'd done it like I really want to. But then again, she was the first to grab her neck. Maybe she has some hidden kink in her. Maybe she'd be open to the idea if I met her halfway. I could go slow for a bit and then she could let me have some fun, I would make it fun for the both of us. The thought makes me smile and as I do I feel her snuggle up to my side. I let her rest for a few minutes and then nudge her side.

"I've been promised a back rub in the shower."

I hear her giggle quietly. "No, I said, I'd love to wash your back, some other time. No promises there. And I didn't even mention a back rub."

"Well you mentioned it now! Come on, up, up!" I push her out of the bed and towards the bathroom.

Despite her initial protests, she ends up giving me rather decent back rub. Not that I had that many in my life but this one just felt really good. I can feel her stop to examine my scars every so often, then give each one a special rub. She felt them yesterday but now she's seeing them for the first time and she's giving them the same attention she gave to the ones on my chest. After she's done she moves to wash rest of my body and when she finds me hard again I turn to her with a smirk.

"Guess we are not done yet." And with a wink, I stand behind her, grab her shoulders and try to move her to the wall. She smiles at me but I can feel her tensing up under my hands.

"I'm sorry, but I think I'm done."

"Why? Still sore?"

"Yeah."

"You just gave me the 'show and tell' lesson about how to go slow. Come on, I'll go easy on you, promise!"

I slide my hands down her arms until I get to her wrists, I grab them and move them so her palms rest flat against the wall. Stepping closer to her, I nudge her legs open with my knees but she still seems reluctant to move. I kiss the side of her neck and whisper in her ear.

"If it'll hurt just say so and I'll stop. Trust me." I nudge her legs again and she gives in, standing with her legs wide apart. "That's my girl." I rasp quietly. She then bends her back pushing her ass against me in the process, giving me another idea entirely. I ran my palms over her cheeks looking at the little hole there. I might take too long to think about it because she suddenly yelps.

"Oh no, you don't!"

I look up to see her watching me with a startled expression. Yeah, she knows exactly what I was thinking about

"What about the hand?" I slip one of my hands around her and up to close it around her throat, but without any pressure. "You like that?"

She hums and nods. "Yeah, sometimes I like to feel how fast my pulse is when, you know, I'm about to come."

"Do you like when someone else holds it?"

She shifts nervously under me. "I don't know, I never asked anyone to do it. It's not like I can feel it with someone else's hand."

"I'll leave my hand here to feel it, yeah?" She doesn't say anything but she does turn her head forward and rubs her ass against me. I guess that's a permission to continue and I grind my dick against her while sliding my other hand up from her cheek to play with her breasts and nipples, then down to her pussy to rub her clit.

It doesn't take that long before I hear her moaning and can feel her getting wet all over for me again. I take my hand from her pussy and press at the small of her back to bend her more for better access. I then grab my dick to line it up with her and push in. I can't be more than two inches inside when I feel her move slightly away from me so I grasp her hip to hold her still but don't push any further right away. Just like she did before I withdraw a little and then push back and continue to do so until I'm all the way in. I stay still for a moment. God, does she feel amazing. My hand on her neck twitch and I suppress the desire to squeeze it. Instead, I focus on her face.

"You good?" It sounded more like a groan but she heard because between her soft moans she gives me a quick nod so I start to move, few long, slow thrusts. I start stroking her clit again, putting more pressure on it. "You good for me to go faster?" Another nod, then I start to really move. The muscles in my right hand twitch again, but I manage to keep the hold on her light. I do feel her blood pumping through the veins under my fingers just like she said. Despite the hold being familiar this particular feeling isn't. And it's a turn on. I still my fingers on her clit, I can't concentrate on the movements no more, my hips start to snap harder and I can feel her brace herself against the wall to take it. I feel her tighten around me and her moans get louder, breathing faster, her body tense up and like a snap, she falls over the edge and I follow soon after.

I lean over her to rest my own hand against the wall to catch my breath, kissing her head in the process. It doesn't take long for me to slip from her and I can see from where I'm standing my cum sliding down her thigh. I watch it for a moment when I realize I didn't use a condom once with her. Shit! How could I forget? I never forget! I turn to lean my back against the wall.

"Hey, darling?" I move her dumb hair from her face and turn her head to me. "You are on some pills, right?" Please be on pills!

"Umm, nope." _Fuck!_ "I don't need them." _What?_

"What do you mean, _'you don't need them'_?"

"Well, you saw my scar. When they did it, they messed me up. I went through a series of surgeries to be put back together, but I've been told I won't be able to get pregnant. Apparently, there is too much scarring."

"Oh, good," I say with relieve, when I realize how it sounded. "Not good, I mean-"

"-I know what you meant." She smiles up at me. "I should have told you, I just couldn't find the right time."

I pull her to my side for a moment, giving her awkward half hug before pushing her fully under the water spray and washing her. When I get between her legs I pet her lightly.

"How's the pussy?" The question makes her smile.

"She's good. Thanks." She leans forward to kiss me. "Let's leave her alone for tonight though," she whispers against my lips. Huh, delicate little pussy looks like we need to tighten her up a bit. I smirk at the thought.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As usual, Lumen's gone before I even wake up. Not that I mind, I like my quiet mornings. But then again, Lumen is so quiet that there wouldn't be a difference.

I asked Merle if he didn't piss someone off lately. That maybe that could be that same someone tipping the cops off. His answer was, "I piss off people every day, baby brother, but none of them would try to get back at me through the cops. Nobody I know wants to have to deal with pigs for any reason." I guess that makes sense. Didn't help with our problem at all though. We decided to leave it be for the moment, see what happens since there isn't much we can do anyway.

The day's going usual until I hear Joe call for me.

"Hey, Daryl, there is a guy asking for you personally."

I slide from under the car I'm working on. "What kind of bullshit is that? I don't have any specialization. What I can do, everyone here can do."

"Well he said he doesn't want anyone else touching his car. I don't know why, and I don't care. He's waiting outside."

What the hell? But Joe's the boss and I do need a job so I drag my legs outside. There is a guy I've never seen before, leaning against black Impala, 1967? Yeah, looks like 67'.

"Nice ride." He turns to me and holds out his hand with a big smile I wanna break his face for.

"Thanks, Hi, I'm Paul. I heard you are the best around here." He lets the arm fall to his side when he realizes I won't shake it.

"Yeah? From whom?" That seems to make him pause like he wasn't expected that question.

"From a friend. I know nothing about cars, but this one was a gift from someone important to me. Well, it does these strange noises, I thought, best to take it for a check up, right?" Fucking hell, how someone can be this cheerful in this fucking heat. "So I called my friend, because I'm not from around here, and he told me to take it to you." I think it's bullshit, but whatever.

"The office is there." I point to where Joe sits. "He'll do the paperwork with you, leave the keys, Joe should call you sometime tomorrow." With that, I turn around and head to the garage again.

"Hey!" He calls after me. "Couldn't you give me a ride to the town?" Is he serious right now?

"Do I look like a fucking taxi driver to you? There is a bus station down this street." Unbelievable. What kind of asshole is this? Before the door from the garage, slams close behind me I hear him yell.

"Okay! sorry! No hard feelings, yeah?"

I just go back to the car I work on. I hear someone chuckle, so I look around and of course, it's Merle.

"Looks like you got an admirer there, baby brother!" Then he burst out laughing, and all of the others join soon after.

"Shut up, you dick!" Fucking pricks! I can't wait to get out of here.

After my lunch break I get to the car that cheerful asshole brought in and it just pisses me off more. It looks someone wanted to mess with him and fooled around with it. It's no wonder the car makes strange noises when every other screw or nut is loosened and now it's up to me to check every fucking one of them to be sure it doesn't blow up somewhere. Usually, I like working on cars, but this is just bullshit.

At the time I'm finally done with the bitch it's late, everyone else besides Joe has already left. I told him I'll stay because of my early leave Monday, but I just wanted to have this out of my hair so I wouldn't have to go back to it in the morning.

When I get home, Lumen's home. She's usually at home in the evening. There is a casserole waiting on the stove and it smells like some kind of stew. Great, I'm starving. She's in her room, her door is open and she has lights on so I go say hi and find her on her bed in the middle of papers and books. It's always like that when she's studying.

When she hears me come to the room, she puts the book in her hands down to greet me. "Hey. How was your day?"

"Hi." I bend down, resting my hands on the bed on either side of her, to give her a kiss. "I don't even want to think about it. Less talk about it. You gonna study tonight?"

"Yeah, I didn't do anything in the last two days, I don't want to get behind my schedule again. It makes me nervous," she says while playing with my hair. It's getting too long. "There is dinner ready. I used the deer you brought two weeks ago. I don't want to brag, but it tastes really good."

"That's what you think, but it tastes good because it's my deer." I give her one more kiss. "Come to my bed when you finish."

"It might be late."

"Doesn't matter," I say and stand up then go eat the dinner.

A few hours later I feel her snuggle against my side and I finally fall asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning I wake up to someone moving next to me. I crack an eye open and see Lumen trying to get more comfortable.

"You are here," I grunt, staring at her dumbly, my brain trying to catch up. Is it the weekend already? I need a coffee.

"Well yeah, you told me to come to sleep here." She stares back with equally baffled expression. "Or did I get it wrong?" She starts to sit up, her cheeks getting red and the blush spreads. She's giving me questioning look, waiting for me to- what? Oh!

"No, no you didn't, it's just, usually when I wake up you are already gone."

"And seeing this lovely reaction of yours, you prefer it that way?" she asks, looking utterly confused.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. It's just, I don't know… This is the first time I woke up next to someone. I'm just not used to it."

"Okaaay, so you want me to leave or what?" I catch her arm before she has a chance to move off the bed.

"Not at all, come here." I tug until she's settled by my side with her head on my chest. "I didn't say I didn't like it now, did I?" I whisper in her hair, playing with it, letting it slip through my fingers. I feel her relax and turning slightly her head to give me a kiss on my neck.

"Good morning," she says quietly and a thought comes to me.

"How about a good morning blowjob? I never had one of those." 

Her head shots up. "Yeah, and with the greeting you gave me, it'll stay that way too!" she responds, resting her head back on my chest, making me huff in annoyance, which makes her look up again. "What?"

I just shrug, If she won't she won't. What can I say about it?

"Don't be like this. You know, I don't have a switch that turns me on anytime you think of sex. And if you can't be nice you could at least choose your words more carefully when you ask me to do things." 

My hand in her hair clenches into a fist, _I am not nice? I'm plenty nice to her! Actually, I'm nothing but nice to her!_ But I try to force the anger, waking up in me, down. I don't want to lash out at her, that never helped us with anything. I didn't manage to make my voice less harsh though.

"What do you mean? When I wanna fuck I ask if you wanna fuck. When I want you to suck me off I ask you to suck me off, how else you want me to say it? And what's that shit about me being nice? You think I don't treat you right?"

"No, no that's not what I meant, what I meant was..." She stops to gather her thoughts, playing around my chest with her fingers. "You know what I like about living with you, about being with you?" I shrug because no, I don't know since I'm not a mindreader. "I like the quiet, I like that I can just be myself. You don't make me do anything I don't want to, and I'm not talking just about the sex here. But there too, I know you said you are used to something else, and I know you are making an effort for me and I love that you do. You don't make me feel bad when I bury myself in books to study for several days either. You let me do my things and you are there when I want company. I feel safe with you. I feel like I have an actual home after really long time. But sometimes, I would like to actually _hear_ something that would make me feel like I matter to you too, you know?"

"You do matter to me. You are mine. I've never had someone I could call mine."

"So tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Why I matter to you."

"Because… Because you do. If you didn't you wouldn't be here. I wouldn't want you to be here. I don't know what else to tell you." I'm starting to get frustrated with all of this. It must have shown in my tone because she goes quiet for a moment.

"Yeah, you're right, sorry," she whispers in the end, blushing she hides her face in the crook of my neck. She sounds sad though.

"I do like having you here." I try to reassure her but she doesn't say anything back and the room falls silent. I'm not sure what the problem is here. I'm not aware of doing or saying anything that would make her think she means nothing to me or that I don't want to live with her anymore.

"Tell me I'm beautiful," she suddenly demands.

"You are gorgeous." My answer is immediate because she is.

"Tell me you like spending time with me."

"I love spending time with you. You are about the only person whose presence doesn't piss me off constantly." She doesn't say anything, so I try again. "There is this peace I feel with you around, I wish I could pack it into a box to take it with me when I leave for work, or anywhere actually." 

She melts into me. "You see things like this. That's exactly what I want to hear." 

_Thank God!_ "Good, you happy now?"

"Yes, very much. Thank you."

"So how about that blowjob?" I push my luck and she huffs but when she looks at me I can see she's grinning. Guess I'm gonna get it.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Hey, Darelina! You in there? I asked you a question." Merle punching my arm pulls me out of my thoughts. We are on our break, eating some of the stew Lumen made yesterday. She packed some for the both of us, making Merle very content. He started to talk shit about stealing her from me, so I stopped listening to him awhile ago.

"Huh, what?" I ask with a frown. I'm not in the mood for talking.

"I was telling you about tomorrow night, last big party before everyone starts to study for their damn exams. You gonna pick me up or what?"

"Oh yeah, whatever." I go back to my musing. I can't even concentrate on what he's saying anymore. Today is the worse yet in last few weeks. As long as Lumen is around I'm good, the moment I step out of the door, I start to measure everyone I pass. In this moment I think about the asshole with the Impala I screwed back together. I would love to wipe that stupid smile off of his face. But the prick just had to ask for me personally. It's like a bad joke, every time I find a perfect person lately there is a way to easily connect them to me. And with the Anthony thing, I really try to be smart about this, but I just know I'm gonna crack! I just hav- Another punch.

"Hey asshole, stop punching me!" I shout at him, punching him back.

"Fuck!" Merle says rubbing the place my fist has landed. "What am I supposed to do to get you to listen? What's up with you? I thought you were good, with Lumen and all."

"Everything is okay with Lumen." I snap.

"Okay, so what's-" He stops seeing my glare, he finally gets it. He's eying me for a moment but not saying anything else. I don't understand why he always seems to be so surprised.

"I know that it's hard for you to understand this, but fucking doesn't solve everything."

We finish our lunch in silence. And just as we are about to go back inside I see that cheery asshole strolling to the garage. He spots us before I have time to disappear inside and starts waving at us, well at me.

"Hey, Daryl! Wait up!" Fuck! I can't just tell him to fuck off either, Joe would have my ass for treating his customers like that, and there would go my bonus. Merle for once doesn't snicker or chuckle or anything, he looks more worried than anything else. He doesn't move to go inside either. "Hi." The boy says when he catches up. "So what was the problem?"

Is he stupid or what? "Didn't Joe tell you on the phone?" I snap at him.

"He said something about screws, I didn't get it." Is he for fucking real?

"Someone unscrewed everything he could in her, so rent a garage or something."

"What?" He makes a horrified face. But it's weird, something's really off about this guy.

"Just what I said. I have to go back to work." I open the door but here he goes again.

"Hey, could you maybe tell me more about it later?"

I point to the office. "Go talk to Joe! He's the manager here, he tells you whatever you wanna know." Not leaving him any space to say anything else, I go inside, Merle right behind me.

"What the hell was that? He a fag or something?" he says, while putting his working gloves on.

"How the fuck would I know? I don't care one way or another."

I've never been happier than that day to come home.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next day wasn't much better, I wanted to just take the jack and smash the damn car. And there was the stupid party in the evening. I don't really wanna go but I already told Merle I would, if I won't show up he'll just come to my house and drags me out anyway. Maybe he wants a backup in case he'll piss someone off and that someone would be stupid enough to start a fight, I don't know. In any case, I decided to get Lumen to go with us. If nothing else she'll keep me calm enough, hopefully. She goes to the college, it's her party anyway. So here we are, in the middle of it.

"I'm not much of a party girl anyway. Why can't you go alone?"

"Because I'd rather you to come with us. I saw you on one before."

"Yeah, well that wasn't my idea. I just got dragged there."

"So, what you are saying is, that I shouldn't ask and just drag you with me?"

"No! I'm saying that I don't want to go and that the last person dragging me there was an asshole for doing it. Because if you search your memory you'll remember I ended up sitting alone."

"Why would I ask you to come and then leave you. Come on! I'm gonna bore to death! Merle just disappears on me to fuck somebody and leave me to watch all the assholes there and to drink alone. Come with me, we can stay on the bed of the truck."

"So you want to go to a party to sit with me on the bed of your truck? What's the point in going there? We can sit on the bed of your truck in front of the house just as easily."

"Yeah, we could, but I promised Merle I'll pick him up and take him there."

"Why? If you don't wanna be there?"

"Because… That's just what we do." I shrug helplessly. It's actually pretty hard to convince someone to go somewhere I, myself don't want to go.

But she sighs and nods. "Okay then. Hey, we could pack some snacks and make a date out of it." She smiles at me. I can't tell if she's serious or if she's teasing.

"We could?" I'm not sure if I'm confirming the idea or asking either.

"Sure we can. Just wait, I'll get something." Alright, looks like I have a date tonight. She's moving around the kitchen counter packing some things in her bag, and after few minutes she turns to me with a big smile on her face. "Should I get a bottle of wine too?"

"If you want. I'm gonna drink beer though. It's in the truck already."

"Screw the wine then. I'll have a beer too." She looks inside her bag to check the content again and walks to me. "Ok, we can go now." And so we do.

The ride is quiet, that is until we pick up Merle.

"Oh hey, sweetheart!" He smiles at Lumen when he sees her in the truck. "I didn't know you were coming. Wanna introduce me to some of your girlfriends? It would make my night much easier." His grin gets impossibly big and he sounds like he started to party awhile ago.

"I would love to Merle, but as you know, I don't have any, so…"

"Oh, come on! You have to know some people there, you go to school with them."

"Yeah, well." She's quiet for a moment but suddenly her head snaps up and she has a big smile on her face. "You know what, I do know someone just for you, her name is Emma. We'll see if she's there. I know she's gonna love you," she finishes with a wink, making me snort. I almost hope the bitch will be there and drunk enough to let him fuck her. She looked slutty enough.

When we get to a quarry it looks like the party is going for some hours and there are people everywhere. Some pretty drunk already. Just the right time. I park the truck on the side, not wanting to be in the middle of them all. Merle's out before I cut the engine off and is dragging Lumen behind him. I look where he's taking her and see him pulling him on the bed. I follow to see what he's doing. I find them talking, both looking through the sea of people.

"Come on sweetheart, look again."

"I'm looking, I don't see her. But Merle, this place is full of people, I'm sure you'll find someone else."

"I am too. This way it'd just be easier. Go on. Look harder."

"Merle, I was kidding, that girl is a bitch. I don't even like her."

"So? You won't mind when I don't call her tomorrow then. I see only ups here. Keep looking!"

"Oh God. You know what Merle? No, I'm not gonna do it. I'm not helping you to find the girl, so you could get her drunk only to fuck her after, no matter the state she's in. It's not right, even though I don't like her."

"Ugh, you are no fun." Merle gets a beer from the cooler and hops down from the truck. "I'll just go and find someone by myself. And just so you know, after finding out what Dixon charm is, no girl has regrets," he says wiggling his eyebrows at her before turning away and shouting, "I didn't hear you complaining about my baby brother there one bit."

"Shut the fuck up!" I shout after him. I can't see Lumen's face in this light, but her embarrassment is very clear. I get up with her and lead her to the back, to sit down. "What did I say? Just ignore him."

"I know, I know. I'm good, he was actually alright tonight."

"Yeah, he was looking forward to this night."

Lumen looks around the drunken people. "Yeah, I can see why," she says dryly.

"Fuck them, show me what you brought for us to eat," I tell her while pulling two beers out of the cooler for us.

After few hours of sitting there and watching people around, I found out that Lumen actually knows plenty of people here, she just doesn't like them. Apparently, her ex was dragging her around a lot, and she, being in love, let him and tried to get along with his 'friends', which aren't that much of friends after all the stories I hear during the night. A bunch of assholes, that's all that I got to say about it. Well, no surprise there. Most people are assholes. I'm an asshole, my brother is… But they are a different kind of assholes. The disloyal ones and for guys like me or Merle, loyalty is everything. Without it, you'll end up in jail, or dead.

We are looking for another asshole with another asshole story behind him when I see Merle approaching with a girl swaying on her feet by his side. Her face is hidden in his chest and she's clinging to him for support. When they get closer I can see triumphant grin on his face.

"Hey sweetheart, look who I found!" Lumen turns to look at him and studies the girl under his arm. Well the parts visible.

"Wha- Merle!" She cries out and stands up once the girl turns her head and we see Emma the bitch. I can't help it, I burst out laughing. "Daryl! This is not funny!" She tries to scold me but I shook my head, and point to Merle, not able to talk. This is not my shit to clean up. She turns back to the two of them. But before she even opens her mouth again, Merle's talking.

"Sooo, It took me awhile but eventually, I found this young lady, and guess what? She has a car here and she's in no condition to drive. So I generously offered my services," he's explaining, grinning like a cat that ate the canary. The girl, on the other hand, doesn't even talk, she's so out of it. "So you two have a nice evening, I got things to do, people, to do." He turns and walks away, chuckling.

Lumen just stares after him for a moment then turns to me. "But Daryl, we can't let him just-"

"-Calm down, he won't do anything to her. He just wants to mess with you." I tug at her hand to make her sit back down.

"It's just, she didn't even talk, how can he tell if she wants to or not?"

I sigh. "Don't worry about them, she had to talk to him at some point if he knows she has a car here. I'm telling you, he just got her more drunk to mess with you."

"But, I mean, he won't leave her to die in some ditch, right? It's just, that… that woman we saw at his place the other day looked shaken up, and she does it for living! So I'm just wondering..." she trails off. Yeah, well, it's a good thing she didn't see the state hookers usually leave my place. She looks really worried though, so I try to ease her mind.

"Look, it's not the same thing to have a hooker over and to find a girl during a party. He won't leave her lying in some ditch, he'll leave her with some people, or at her place, or she'll leave his place in the morning." Not gonna mention the girl he left in my truck, nope. "You know who Merle likes the most? Merle likes Merle, so he's careful too. It's not like he's going around spreading disease or getting girls pregnant." I watch her reaction and it does seem to be working because she looks calmer. I lean closer to give her a kiss, sliding my hand up her leg. "She'll be okay. And if not? It's not on you! It's not your job to guard drunk people from doing shit. What did I say? Drunk people makes stupid decisions-"

"-And stupid decisions make the best stories." She cuts in.

"See? You get it! That's my girl, that's the spirit." Keeping my hand on her, I move it to her inner thighs. "What about us? Wanna go home or stay here some more?" I grunt against her lips. I'm thinking about her moaning under me since the asshole number three.

She deepens the kiss, then breathes out, "Home."

We barely made it home, I'm glad I didn't crash the car because we couldn't get our hands off each other during the whole ride home. I close the door behind us with my foot and sit her on the cabinet by them, knocking down most of the things on it in the process. I can't stop kissing her, it feels so good. She buried her hands in my hair, after a moment I feel them move to my shoulders, then on my chest and go back to my hair like she couldn't decide where to touch me. I move straps of her shirt and bra down, exposing her her chest to me, my hands linger to play with her breast for a moment before moving south to push her skirt up, all while still kissing her. I grab her panties wanting to rip them off, but I change my mind, so I break the kiss and look at her, tugging on them.

She gets the message right away and pulls her hands from me, to use them to lift herself up from the cabinet a little, just enough for me to strip them off of her. I slide my hands up her legs, my eyes following them. Reaching her pussy I touch her to check how ready she is. And God is she ready, she's soaking. My eyes flick to her face and I see her lick her lips. She quickly reaches for me and tugs on my shirt to pull it off, I move between her legs to kiss her some more and, while I touch her, I feel her hands working on my belt and the buttons on my pants. As soon as I'm free of them I grab her ass and push all the way inside her, making her gasp, she grasps my shoulders and holds on for dear life once I start with the hard pace. She moves her legs around my waist and I reach for one holding it up by the back of her knee, my other hand stays on her ass to hold her in place.

It feels amazing, she feels amazing. I want all of her, I want to own her. My mouth travels down to her throat, I suck on it and can feel her pulse. I slow down my pace and whisper in her ear. "I wanna do something. I wanna try something with you."

"What?" she breaths out. He hands move from my shoulders down onto my arms once the pace decreased.

I continue thrusting slow and deep into her while sliding my hand over her belly and her chest up to her neck and I close my fingers around it, squeezing slightly, then little harder. "This" She grasps my wrist quickly but doesn't try to move it away. I feel more than hear her take in a deep breath, then she moves her head back, slowly as if she was trying if I let her. I do, but I let my hand resting where it is.

She's silently searching my eyes for a moment, then asks, "How-" I feel her swallow under my fingers. "How would you-? What would you do?"

I smile at her, curiosity is better than plain no. I let go of her neck, grab her by her ass with both of my hands, pushing her against me. Then lift her up and move to the couch. I put her down, push her back against the backrest and I pull her by her legs to the edge where I kneel on the ground between them. I move over her pushing my cock inside her again in the process causing her to make a small breathless noise. I start with the small slow thrusts, caressing her sides, then her breasts. I rest one hand on the couch beside her head, keeping myself up and with the other one I caress her down to grab her by her hip to hold her in place. I move to kiss her on the side of her neck and start to explain quietly.

"I would fuck you, like I do right now," I whisper, keeping a steady pace. "I'd get hold of you like this." I Grasp her throat again, not adding any pressure, just making small circles with my fingertips on either side where I can feel her pulse, it's racing, hopefully from excitement. I keep talking. "And I'd squeeze until you'd be not able to breathe." I feel heart beat to speed up even more, but she still doesn't voice any protests. "You'll get light headed, your nerves will go crazy." I thrust a little harder. "Everything will feel stronger." With another hard thrust, I whisper, "And when I'll feel that you are about to come, then I'll let go." I move my hand away. "It will feel incredible!"

Her breathing quickened. "Incredible for who?"

I lean back so I could look into her eyes and I give her what I hope is a reassuring smile. "For the both of us." At least I hope it will. I slow down again, going deep one more time, stopping inside of her. She closes her eyes for a moment, when she opens them again she searches mine and speaks softly.

"Sounds little scary. What if something happens? How do I let you know to stop?"

"I'll know when to stop," I tell her, caressing her cheek with the back of my fingers.

"You did this before?"

"Not exactly… in a way… but I know what I'm doing, trust me."

"Are you drunk?" she asks out of nowhere, but then it occurs to me, that maybe she's scared I'm too drunk to notice if something was wrong.

"No. Are you?"

She shakes her head no.

"Can I then?"

Her eyes stay glued to mine, searching for something. I don't know what it was, but she obviously found it, because eventually she nods.

My eyes never leave her face, as I start with my movements inside her again, slow, but deep. I close my hand around her throat once more. Her pupils are so big I barely see the color around them, her eyes are wide in anticipation but amazingly, I can't see a fear in them. It's entirely new experience for me too because I do not want to hurt her. I know the feeling of choking someone to death, I lived for that feeling. But here, I feel something completely different. My hand doesn't even twitch this time. I'm in complete control here. The same control I usually feel in the woods. I revel in the power I have over her in this moment but at the same time, I enjoy seeing the trust in her eyes as she's looking up to my face. Her hands on my arms hold onto me a little too tightly, but that's it. I guess it's only natural to be nervous about this.

I squeeze a bit more and watch her eyes closely, for any sign she's not okay while I keep on fucking her. I see her pointlessly trying to breathe in, her fingers start to dig into my skin even more and after few moments her body starts to spasm spontaneously around me. I pick up the pace, making the thrusts rougher and after few more moments, I let go of her throat, getting a hold on her shoulder to still her some so I can fuck her hard through her orgasm. She instantly begins to take in deep breaths and the air is leaving her body in the form of small giggles. She's high on the blood and air rushing to her head, she's still spasming around me and I can feel my own orgasm approaching. I close my eyes then and just feel her as I ram my dick in last few times. At last, I utterly bury myself in her, my head drops on her shoulder as my body collapses, pinning her under me. I realize my mistake quickly and lazily turn to look at her taking some of the weight off her in the process, letting her breathe more easily. I find her eyes shining and she's smiling at me.

"Wow, that was- Just- wow!"

I feel the corners of my mouth lift up and I grin back at her. "Told you." I move some of the dump hair off of her face. "Wanna do it again?"

Her eyes go wide. "What, now?"

I laugh at that. "No, not now." I lean in to kiss her. "I was talking about some other time. Would you let me do it again?"

"Yes."

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It's Saturday afternoon and I'm still in bed. I decided I don't want to see anyone but Lumen today. Last night was great and for the first time in a very long time, I feel thoughtfully satisfied and relaxed. I wish I could just block the outside world forever and stay here. I wasn't so sure if she'll actually like what I did, but it turned out to be quite a rush for her. She loved it. I loved it. I still can't believe she let me choke her. That she'll let me do it again. If I had a heart I could love this girl. I don't think I really have one though. I wonder how often I can do this without actually hurting her. Not every night I guess. A sound of a car approaching pulls me out of my thoughts. It should be Lumen. She went for some groceries, something about a special dinner. But the car goes rather fast and in the end, I hear tires screeching as it stops abruptly in front of the house. What the- I only manage to pull my pants on when I hear her bursting inside, yelling.

"It was him! It's him, he's here! He's in town!" She sounds hysterical.

"What are you talking about?"

She doesn't say anything, she just jumps in my arms, crying. She doesn't breathe right either, she is hysterical. I sit with her in my lap, down on the bed.

"Come on, calm down. Try to breathe with me. In, and hold it, and slowly out, good girl, now again. In, hold it, and slowly out." She's taking shaky breaths, she's trying, she really is, but it takes awhile before she finally calms down a bit, the tears don't stop though, I try asking again anyway.

"Who are you talking about, who did you see?" She starts to shake more again.

"The guy, the one who cut me open! He's here! It's been over 5 years, how did he find me here?"

"Are you absolutely sure? Couldn't you just see someone who looks like him?"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure. Believe me, you won't forget the face of the monster who literally gutted you." She's talking so fast I have really hard time to understand what she's saying, she's right though, you won't forget the face of someone who tortured you, I would know. "And if it wasn't only his face it would be that stupid car of his. He's driving around in that black Impala of his, he likes the car more than actual people."

It takes me a moment but then the alarms go on in my brain, my body stiffens.

"Lumen? Do you know the guy's name?"

"Yeah, Paul Torres. Why?"

_Fuck my life!_

"We need to go to Merle's, now! The fucker was at my work."


	10. Chapter 10

_"The person you are calling is not available at the moment, please try-"_ I hang up. I've been trying for an hour. His phone is off. Any other day I would dismiss it. It's Saturday afternoon, he could be just sleeping off his hangover, but the new information about that cheery fuck makes my stomach churn.

I already called Clyde, who hasn't seen Merle since Thursday night. I asked him to check his house, and reluctantly he did, but no one's there. I called few other of his buddies, places he hangs out frequently but nothing. Fuck! I can feel it, something's not right. I even thought about calling Oscar, but eventually dismissed the thought. It's very much unlikely to find my brother there. I really don't know who, or where else to call. I go back to Lumen who's still in my room, she calmed down but got quiet after that, too quiet. That's why I called Merle instead of going there in the first place. She's too out of it.

I find her in the exact same spot I left her an hour ago. Sitting on my bed, staring out of the window. I drag a chair to sit in front of her. Petting her legs I try to get her attention.

"Lumen, I need you to focus now. You said he just stood there, looking at you? He didn't even try to go closer? To talk to you?" Nothing. "Lumen!" I raise my voice a bit. Nothing. _I don't have time for his shit_ , so I slap her. Not very hard, just enough. "Come on! I need you to wake up from this!" She jerks back and her eyes slide to me. _There we go_. I reach for her face but she flinches away, making me sigh.

"Hey, sorry for the slap, okay? But I've been trying to get a hold of Merle for the past hour and I can't find him. You need to talk to me." Her eyes drop, she takes a deep shaky breath as if to start talking, but eventually just shakes her head. "Darling? I'm sorry but I have to insist. I know I told you I won't ask about that, but I think we can agree on the fact that the situation has changed. I need you to tell me what you know about the guy. NOW!" I'll be damned if something happens to my brother only because she's too scared to talk about shit!

A single tear slides down her cheek and I can hear her whisper. "I don't know where to start. And all those memories, it's just- it's just too much. Too-"

"-You have to. This all, it's no fucking coincidence. Did you know he's still after you?" I'm really trying to be patient, but I'm anything but. I'm angry! I don't know if it's at her, at myself, at the situation, I'm just raging inside. I think I'm angry mostly because I don't know what to do. What can I do.

"No, I didn't! I didn't hear from any of them for more than six years."

"Them?" _Why didn't I ask her nothing about anything again?_ "FUCK! Lumen, darling, I like you, I really do, but I won't be responsible for what I'll do if you don't start talking and I mean now! If you didn't notice my brother is fucking nowhere to be found! Merle, remember him?" I'm yelling at this point, Merle seems to be missing and my patience got to its limit. But she does start to explain.

"Okay, okay! I didn't say anything when you saw the scar because I honestly thought it's behind me. Like I said, it's been six years."

"Tell me now, who's they?!"

"They are-it's this cult." She looks at me through her tears as if checking my reaction. So I motion for her to go on. I need to know whatever I can find out from her. "These people, they are crazy, obsessed with dead, I-I watched them, I saw-they are sick, Daryl! But I thought it was over, I thought I'd never see any of them again."

"Stop, just stop! You are not making any fucking sense! Were you a member or something?"

"No, no I wasn't a member."

"What's the deal then? Start from the fucking beginning for Christ's sake." At least she seems to sober up after I mention Merle, but this is taking too fucking long for my liking.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'll tell you everything..."

"Any time this year darling!" I raise an eyebrow in expectation.

"I'm sorry, okay? I just never talked about it. I'm really trying here." _You and me both!_ "I-I think it all started when my mom died, breast cancer. The doctors said they got it soon enough and that she'd be alright. Well, they didn't, she wasn't alright and she died. And I didn't know how to handle it. My dad closed off on me and I was sixteen and stupid and I didn't have anyone else. Suddenly everything my friends talked about seemed to be so fucking shallow and pointless. So one by one, I stopped talking to them, until I was all alone." She takes a deep breath before she continues. "And then I met Jacob. I was just sitting by myself at the park and he sat beside me. I got up to walk away but he convinced me to stay, and we started to talk, and I don't know how, but I started to talk about my mom, about her death and he was the very first person to _really_ talk about it with me." Her eyes focused on the window again as she seems to lose herself in the memories. "He told me, that if I was interested he would introduce me to some of his friends, that they all have bad stuff in their lives, that I could talk freely there, that they would get me. And I was so glad I found someone, someone with whom I wouldn't have to pretend everything was okay, that nothing happened. Everyone else acted like my time to grieve has passed and I should be okay. So I said I'd love to meet them, I agreed right away."

"So those friends, they were from this cult you were talking about?" Her head snaps to me as if she forgot I was there.

"Yes, they were. I was just hanging out with some of them for like six months. I got closer to Jacob and we started sort of dating. It was all cool, we talked about everything and I talked about my mom, about my dad, who got better by then, but then they took me in this house they were all living together, saying they want to introduce me to someone special. There was this guy, older than all of them. They called him Richard. I didn't like him but they looked at him as if he was God, they worshiped him. And the house... there were creepy pictures and symbols everywhere and other stuff. So as soon as I could I just took off. The next day I told Jacob I won't be seeing him anymore and he got so mad. He told me that I can't leave _them_ now. He was freaking me out, so I ran. I ran home and told my dad everything."

"Then what?"

"He took me to the station, we told the cops everything and they sent us home, saying and I quote _'it's not our job to watch who your kid talks to, or what unusual hobby they have.'_ So we went home and my dad told me to just call him if any of them show up. And they did, they were everywhere, in front of my school, the store when we went grocery shopping, the movies, the park, everywhere I went, they were there, just watching. We went to the police once again and they told us that they can't go and arrest people for standing and looking around. When we got home one day and found our cat gutted on the kitchen table, we called them again, but they said there is no proof to link it to them and did nothing, again! They showed up so regularly that dad started to recognize their faces. And one day, they didn't just watch. They took us. All of that time I thought, they were mad because they wanted me to join, but no. They had some sick plan and wanted me to be part of it, only not as a member but as some kind of sacrifice. The leader wanted them all to kill someone and that night was Paul's turn, he was suppose to be the very first. They-" her voice breaks and she stops. I have pretty good idea about what happens next. But I need her to say it. To say it all. I need to know.

"Go on, they what?"

"They killed him. I watched the leader kill my dad, he was presenting the ritual and the rest of them, they fucking applauded while my dad's blood spilled all over the place." She's visibly shaking again now, I hand her a handkerchief so she can blow her nose but keep my distance to leave her some space. "Then Paul's turn came, I remember how, when he stabbed me, at first I didn't feel a thing and then he started cutting and the pain started, I screamed and screamed, and the next thing I know. I'm in the hospital. It turned out, my dad managed to dial 911 when it all started, but they were too late. My dad was dead. I remember the officer telling me how Richard, the leader, will get life in prison at least, but I didn't care. It didn't bring my dad back."

"Did you see any of them after that?"

"No, not outside of the courthouse. That's the thing, I had several surgeries and then I moved to my grandma's. I testified at the trial and Richard was sentenced to death. He's in prison though, still waiting for it. They arrested more of the members, they ended up in prison too, but the rest of them. It was like they vanished. I never heard from any of them. I spent at least three years after that constantly looking over my shoulder, but when no one came I convinced myself that it was over. My grandma died soon after my nineteenth birthday. I didn't have any money left, most of it was spent by paying hospital bills, first for my surgeries, then for my grandma. So I just kinda kept moving, until I found this town. I liked it here enough and decided to try to do something with my life and start the school." And eventually ended up with me, lucky girl indeed. Well she's mine now, nothing to do about that.

"What about that ex of yours? Could he have anything to do with any of it?"

She shakes her head instantly. "No, he got into drugs and changed, turned out to be an asshole, but no, nothing like this. He's a golden boy, with a chair waiting for him in his father's company. So no, I don't think he has anything to do with this."

"I don't get it, why would he seek me out if he was after you? Something's off about this. Was he always this creepy cheery bastard?"

She gives me confused look. "Cheery? What do you mean _cheery_?"

"When he was in the garage he had this stupid smile on his face, he was acting weird, like fucking Christmas commercial."

She let out a very unladylike snort. "No, I never saw him even smile. Not even at the time they were trying to lull me in."

I stand up and start to pace. What do I do, what do I do? It looks like this guy is a fucking nut case. There is no way this all is a coincidence. He's up to something, but what? I turn back to Lumen. Her eyes are puffy, but she stopped crying and is nervously watching me.

"Alright, here's what we do. I left messages for Merle in every fucking shithole he's usually hanging out. I'm gonna check out his house, just in case Clyde overlooked something. You stay here, lock the door and wait in case Merle comes here. If he does, you call me the minute you see him."

"I will, Daryl I'm so sorry, I never thought-I-"

"-it doesn't matter." I cut in. It's not like she did it on purpose or something. I got my secrets too. "It's not on you, okay? If anything happens-just-it's not on you, alright? Lock the door!" I tell her again to be sure she heard me the first time. She nods and I get out, checking the door once I hear the lock. Then I'm off driving to Merle's.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Merle's house is empty, just like Clyde said. I looked in every room, nothing but the usual mess. When I turn to leave though I see something. There is a note on the inside of the front door. Clyde must have overlooked it-

_"Go home and check your door again."_

-or it wasn't here yet when he was. Fuck. I get into my truck and speed back home as fast as the car let me. When I get there, the door is wide open and there is another note.

_"Come to see us, we are waiting in your usual spot. Come alone."_

My usual spot? He has to be watching us longer than I thought, he had to see me kill. I haven't killed anyone in a while. And the notes, the one in Merle's house seems like he was watching me when I was leaving my house. He has to have help, so I have to watch for more than one person. He's not that smart though. He's making me meet him in my territory. That's in fact plain stupid.

I take my hunting stuff, park the truck in another spot than I usually use and make my way in circles around the meeting place, to make sure no one is waiting somewhere in the trees as a backup. It takes me a little while to check the perimeter but there is no one. _Why would he come without the backup if he has one?_ I'm nearing my spot, that is usually a place of relaxation for me, and I'm anything but relaxed. I haven't been here that many times while it was still daylight in past few years. But it doesn't matter, I could move around this woods with my eyes closed.

As I'm getting closer I see why he doesn't need the backup. Merle's not here. He doesn't have him here. I'm really trying to keep my head clear now. I need to be smart about this, I can do this! I'm about ten feet from them when I decide to let my presence known by snapping a branch under my feet.

 _Paul's_ head turns in my direction and there is no cheery smile on his face, only corners of his mouth lifted a bit when he sees me. He has a gun in his right hand. I'm keeping my crossbow pointed down, but ready. My eyes go briefly to the left. To the two figures, each tied to one of the trees here. Both gagged. One of them is Lumen, she looks terrified, the other one is hard to tell because it's a mess of blood and dirt, groaning, otherwise not moving. But it's too small for it to be my brother. I can't do anything until I know how to get him back.

"Where's Merle?"

"He's alright. He's safe, for now," he says with a pointed look. "And if you'll be reasonable he stays that way. I just wanna talk to you."

"I am very reasonable considering you kidnapped my brother." He thinks only Merle is his leverage. He doesn't know what Lumen means to me. How could he? And I'm not going to give him more cards to play with.

"Let's talk then." He's eying my crossbow but doesn't ask me to put it away, I wouldn't even if he did. His eyes shift back to the two people by his side. "I hope I did okay? I wasn't sure about the legs." When I don't comment he goes on. "You know, when my friend called me, saying that our mutual friend here lives in this town, I was glad. Glad that I'd get to finish what I started. I bet you know how that feels like." He pauses again as if waiting again for my input. I don't know what he expects me to say? I always finish what I start. "Anyway, I came here all excited. And I found you. I felt like a got a sweet reward on top."

I move a little closer but still leaving enough space between us. "So what is it that you want exactly, to let my brother go?"

"Oh, no, my friend. It's not about what I want! It's about what I have to offer to you. I was hoping we could avoid all this, but you are not exactly a friendly person. I get it, no hard feelings, but I just had to get your attention."

"I'm listening." Is all I say and I can hear Lumen starting to cry harder. Paul's posture, on the other hand, gets more relaxed. Gotcha! He thinks he knows everything about me. Stupid fuck.

"Great. Great, so here's the thing. I start with Richard." He blurts out a little too fast. He seems to be a bit surprised his plan actually worked like he had more prepared to say to convince me to talk to him. "You won't be able to meet him most likely, but I am sure you'd like him. He's someone who has a deep understanding for people like us." He turns to Lumen. "I bet you're now wondering what I mean by _'people like us'_ , so pay attention, you are about to get to know a whole other side of your _boyfriend_ here." He tells her with an evil smile. My hand clenches in a fist and try to push all the anger down, I have to play along, I have to until I'm 100% sure my brother is safe and how to get him. Seeing the look in Lumen's eyes though, it tugs at something inside of me.

"I don't need you to tell me about me! What's the offer?" It successfully takes his attention from her at least. She looks ready to pass out and she can't breathe properly with the gag in her mouth.

"I'm getting there. So he took under his wing everyone who felt the need, how to say it, well the need you obviously have to feel, time to time. Taking in consideration your little hobby. But Richard is gone now, thanks to little Lumen here. But the rest of us, we want to continue his work. My offer is, come and join us. You could be yourself with us, no more hiding, no more pretending." I open my mouth, but I'm not sure what I want to say, because… _what_? "I-I saw you, you clearly have the experience and I dare to assume, the killer the FBI is looking for, that's you, right? You can tell me." I tell him nothing, I don't even blink. "I saw you eyeing that little junkie your brother beat up the other night, so here he is. I brought him to you, as a present." He motions to the bloody mess. _Oh! So it's Lumen's ex_. Well, I can't say I haven't thought about it, but where is the fun in this? He's all ready and more dead than alive anyway. Paul had to interpret my silent observation as a satisfaction with his work for some reason because that fucking cheery smile I hate breaks on his face.

"I knew it!" he shouts out, bringing me back. Fuck, I need to focus. Alright, I know how to play this. These little fucks are unsure of everything they do, and they think I can teach them what that Richard guy now can't being locked up. What a bunch of pathetic losers.

"You can lose those gags, no one will hear anything, even if they'd scream their lungs off. The sound doesn't carry here." And just like the little obedient fucker that he is, he goes to take the gags out. This is almost too easy. When he moves to the guy, I notice the groaning stopped. And Paul confirms what I thought moment later, with the gag in his hand.

"Looks like this one didn't make it. Sorry, it was really meant as a gift for you." I see Lumen's head snap in the direction of her ex and she starts screaming through her gag. He moves to her. "Do you still want me to take it out?" I just shake my head.

"You did shitty job."

"I'm sorry about him, you can have her if you want!"

"The only thing I want at the moment is my brother. Where is he?"

"He's fine, he's just sleeping off his hangover, he doesn't even know something's wrong."

"Where?!"

"He's at Emma's, my friend, she just spiked his beer, he's sleeping."

"How are you suppose to let her know to let him go?"

"We really didn't have any intentions of hurting him. She just waits on my text, but she would let him go either way. We really want you to join us. Hurting him would be just stupid." _Yeah, because otherwise, you are such a bright birds._

"Who's us?"

"Well, me and Emma at the moment, but we can get the others, if we had you, we could continue Richard's wor-" He drops like a ton of bricks, he didn't even notice me raising my hands.

"Thank you very much, stupid asshole." I mutter. I look up to Lumen. Her eyes are fixed on the man lying on the ground. "Are you hurt?" I ask her. I have no idea what the prick did to her before I came. Her wide eyes move up to me and she shakes her head. "I'm gonna take that gag out, okay?" I swift nod. _Alright_. I reach to her and take it off. She works her jaw, but doesn't scream, she doesn't say anything either. She just keeps glancing to the, soon to be dead, body lying on the ground. I take out my knife to cut her ties. Seeing the wicked blade, she does yelp then, making me pause. "It's alright." I put my hands up in placating gesture, although still holding the knife in one. "Just gonna cut you lose darling, not gonna hurt you, you know that."

"Do I?" she ask shakily and the question makes me almost sad.

"Of course you do. You are my girl. You don't have to be scared of me. Ever." I crouch down to cut the ties on her legs, then stand up to cut the ones holding her arms up. When I do, she collapses right into my arms, as her legs, having the circulation cut off for too long, don't work right. She clings to me and turns her head left.

"Is he dead?"

"Who?" I look where she's looking, her ex. _Right, I forgot about him_. "Yeah, most likely. Do you want me to check?" She audibly gulps and I feel her nod against my chest.

"Please," she adds quietly.

I help her to move a little further away from the fuck lying on the ground and sit her against one of the trees. Then I go check on her ex. I know he's dead, she knows it too I think. She just needs the confirmation. I check the pulse, there is none. I look back at her and she's looking at me like she's waiting for me to make some kind of miracle or something. So I just shake my head and go back to her. She starts to cry again, but it's not hysterical. I can work with that. I squat in front of her and grab her arm. I want her to know I'm there for her, but I'm not sure how she feels about me right now.

"What about him?" She motions to Paul after she quiets some.

"He's very much alive, for now. I plan on changing that," I tell her carefully, I'm not sure how much of our conversation before did she get under all the stress. But we are here already, she's not stupid so let's deal with it.

"Good!" _Okay, that was unexpected._

"You sure about that?"

"Yes, very." She doesn't even hesitate before answering. I push even more.

"You wanna stay for that? Or wait in the truck?"

"I wanna stay." Again. The answer is immediate.

"I'll cut Anthony down too, but I can't take him to the hospital or to the station. You know that right?" I ask slowly. Again not sure what her reaction will be.

"I know," she whispers, closing her eyes for a moment.

"Alright, just stay where you are." I tell her and get to work. First I get her ex's body out of the sight, then I maneuver Paul's body in the right position. The fucker is heavier than I thought. "I'm gonna be right back. He can't get out of these, don't worry." And with that, I leave to get the truck. I move it to my usual spot, which is closer and I take a pack of beers with me. Too bad I don't get anything stronger. I bet she'd appreciate it. If she's still there. I hope she is, she doesn't know the woods, if she got lost, she'd be as good as dead. But no, she's right there, at the exact spot I left her. I open two beers, hand her one and sit next to her.

"Thanks," she says quietly. "So now what?"

"Now we'll wait until he wakes up."

"Why?"

 _So I could watch him die properly_. But I don't say that aloud, I just shrug. "I have a question for him, about Merle." We are quiet after that. Just drinking. We finish the first beer, I open the second one for her, then for me, and we just sit there and wait. About half way through the second beer, she breaks the silence.

"Is-Is this how-what usually-I mean-"

"-Yeah!" I help her out. She got it right, that's exactly what I do. There is no pressure for her to voice it out.

"And-" she stops to clear her throat and to take a big gulp. "And you won't stop doing that?"

I shrug again. "I don't know. I was actually thinking about it today, before all of this."

She turns to look at me then. "What were you thinking about?"

"About how at peace I was with you. When you are around. I was thinking about if maybe that could be enough. Just to be with you."

Her eyes go wide at that declaration. "Really? Do you-do you think-"

"-Yeah. You know, I think with you, it's the closest to love I could ever get."

"I _do_ love you," she whispers, and just as she does, I hear Paul groan. Good, I can't wait to get rid of him and to go get Merle. That little bitch he's with will die too tonight. Can't wait for that.

I stand up and wait for him to fully wake up and get his focus back. When he does, he starts to hurl all the bad word he ever heard. He sounds like he's feeling betrayed. He really is a stupid little fucker. Did he actually expect me to join their little club of misfits after the shit he pulled? Damn it, no wonder they didn't manage to find Lumen for so long, morons. Well who would join some stupid ass fucked up cult in the first place?

When he's finally done with shouting insults at me, he starts with the pleading and I'm more and more bored. Why I even wait this time? There is only one thing I need to know from him. The address the bitch is with Merle.

"Shut up you stupid idiot. I thought you said you saw how this works. Have some balls. You know you're gonna die."

That shut him up right away. For a second. "No, you can't! You promised!"

"I didn't promise you shit! Now there are two ways this can go. You tell me the address, you die quickly, I'll have to get it out of you, which I will, by the way, and you die slowly and painfully. Your pick."

"What? What address?"

"The address where I find Merle you stupid prick. Pay attention, it's the only thing I've been asking since I got here for Christ's sake. How stupid are you exactly?" Paul's eyes suddenly slide behind me. He opens his mouth but I punch him before he says anything. "Okay, I take it you are choosing the option number two," I grunt and take out my knife.

"No! No, I'll tell you! They are in a motel, what's the name? Blue Swallow Motel, it's on the route 48, to the north."

"Fuck, you really are one pathetic shit! Scared of knives, are we? I find that a little hypocritical." I'm saying as I search his pockets for his phone. I find it in one of his back pockets. Opening the messages, there's one from Emma. It's saying, _'Done, Little A'Le'Inn, room 207, route 48, south.'_

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, hypocrite and a liar. I really can't say it was a pleasure to meet you," I say and slowly bury the knife to his stomach. He starts screaming soon enough and cut his belly open, the gravity does its magic and his guts spill out. It's over very soon after that. I didn't even enjoy this one. They pissed me off too much for that. Suddenly there is a noise behind me. _Oh, crap! Lumen!_ I look at her only to see her turn around and throw up. _Fuck!_ I rush to her and try to help her, but she swats my hand away. So I just sit by her and wait, till she's done. When she is, I hand her the beer, and she takes it, glancing at me briefly then uses it to rinse her mouth. When she's done with that too, she makes a move as if to turn from the mess she made, but I catch her arm and stop her so she wouldn't look at Paul's insides hanging out again.

"Come on, let's go get Merle." I urge her to move with me, to get her out of here. I'll take care of Paul's body later, I'll be back soon enough with his _friend_ anyway. Lumen moves with me, she seems a little dazed, but she moves. She gets inside the truck and I close the door for her, then go around to get in too and to start it. The sooner I'll have Merle the better. We can talk it out later, I'll tell her whatever she'll want. But Merle first.

When we got to the motel I look where the room 207 is. It's one of the rooms in the back. I can see her reasoning, but right now, I'm gonna profit from it. Stupid bitch! I leave Lumen in the car as she seems to be still in some kind of shock and go check the room. It's completely silent so I pull out Paul's phone and send a text. _'I'm here'_ and wait. The response is almost immediate _'be right there'_ that's all I need to know. I break down the door. _Yeah, didn't intend to hurt your brother my ass._ There is Merle, tied up in the chair, with a bloody head. At least he's awake. I push the door so it seems close, then take the rug out of his mouth and start cutting his ties.

"Fucking whore!" Is the first thing that leaves his mouth.

"You don't know half of it. Come on, let's go. Do you know where she went?"

"I have no fucking idea, the bitch smashed my head and that's all I know. I woke up in an empty room-"

"-Fuck" I hear a woman's voice whisper behind me. But before I even turn around, Merle is launching at her. He obviously isn't above hitting woman, and he's as much pissed as I am. In time I make the whole turn, she's on the ground, not moving, bleeding from the mouth. I study her for a moment and she doesn't seem to be breathing either.

"I think she's dead, I guess you hit her a little too hard."

"Oh yeah? Well, whatever! She wanted to play with big boys, there she goes," he says after spitting on the ground.

"We have to move her. I'll bring the truck. We'll put her under the cover on the bed. Then I'll take you and Lumen to your house and you wait for me while I go get rid of her and that fucker."

"Who?" Merle looks at me confused.

"I'll tell you details later, but in short, this bitch had an asshole friend Paul, does the name ring a bell? Black Impala?" I can see the second it clicks in his head. "Well she got you, and he got Lumen today, he had her ex ready too, what for? That I'll tell you later. The good news is, that you are alright, and they are dead. The bad news is, Lumen now knows everything and I'm not sure how she's handling it. She talked to me in the woods, and she seemed okay, but then she saw me kill Paul and kinda shot down on me. So I need you to look after her. And be nice."

"I'm always nice to her!" Merle says, sounding offended. "Go get the truck, we have to be moving this party."

And that's what I did. The place is deserted so we could maybe even leave her here, but why risk it. I back the truck up to the room and we quickly put her body in the back. We get in and when Lumen sees Merle I see her react for the first time since we left the woods. She turns to him.

"Hey Merle, I'm glad you're okay," she whispers.

"Hey sweetheart, I'm glad to see you too," he tells her and pulls her in for a hug, where she stays for the rest of the ride to his place. Before they get out Merle looks at me over her head and gives me a little wink. Yeah, I think she'll be okay too.

I'm almost out of the town when I see a police car behind me, signaling for me to pull over. I have the bed covered, so I do just that.

"Good evening may I see your license, proof of insurance and registration please?"

I pass it to him and wait. He goes back to his car to run it through the system I guess. He doesn't look at all concerned, routine traffic stop, that's what this it. So far so good and I'll be gone soon enough. The cop comes back a few minutes later, handing the documents back to me.

"Thank you." But then he looks at me again, his eyes zoomed on something on my shirt. My shirt! Fuck! I didn't change. Suddenly there is a gun in his hand. "Will you please step out of the vehicle? Put your hands where I can see them. Put 'em on the hood."

He then moves the cover and looks in the bed of the truck. I know exactly what he sees. I'm fucked!

"Oh my God! Get on your knees, right now! Down! Put your hands where I can see them!"


	11. Epilogue

**...2 years later**

"I hate this place, always have. Even the air here is disgusting."

"Every place smells disgusting now, sweetheart. It's the dead walking. Haha, you're just bitter because they didn't let you two have conjugal visits."

"Smartass! …..Merle? Do you-do you think he's still alive?"

"I know he is! You know it too, otherwise, you wouldn't be here with me."

"Well, do you think he's still in there? Look around, there are so many, and nothing looks alive here."

"We'll see once we'll get inside. Not everything is how it seems at first. You of all people should know that."

"Yeah, well, prison yard full of walkers seems pretty obvious to me. Not much can be hidden behind that."

"Like I said, we won't know until we get in. I'm not leaving this place until I see my brother with my own eyes, dead or alive!"

"I'm not saying we should leave. I want to be sure as much as you do. I love the man, you know that. I'm just saying we won't be able to do it alone. We need help. There are too many. Even th-"

"-Shhhh. Listen! Did you hear that?"

"What?"

"Shhhhh. That! It's coming from that direction."

"Someone's coming."

"Come on, let's get off the rails, we're like sitting ducks out here. You got your knife?"

"Yeah."

"Have it ready, we'll observe and listen, then we'll decide what we'll do about whoever's coming. You know the drill."

"Yes."

"Alright. Now be quiet."

_"Rick, I don't think this'll work."_

_"It will. It's perfect, Glenn. You see? The catwalk is clean. If we can shut that gate, prevent more from filling the yard, we can pick off these walkers. We'll take the field by tonight."_

_"You think we have enough manpower for this? I think the only decent shot besides you is Maggie. Maybe Lori, but she's pregnant. We could use more people."_

_"We don't have more people. We'll manage!"_

"Lumen, sweetheart? Our help is here!"

**...The end**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it, at least for now. Thank all of you for reading, leaving reviews and for the kudos :-)) It means a lot to me!


	12. A/N

**The first chapter of the sequel "After the End" is up :))**


End file.
